Like Father, Like Son | Phantom of the Opera

xviii. I'm Sorry [...] She Saw Me

JANUARY 1916

My dear son,

I know that this is a preferable thing to do in person, but I'm sorry. I shouldn't have lied to you about how I was coping, or rather, how I was not coping. I do not know exactly why I lied, but I suppose it was because I had wanted you to worry less. Though I suppose it was a tad overdone when I brought up my communication with clients. I have never wanted to lie to you, you should know that. Recently, however, I have not been myself. I have only been able to truly start functioning again thanks to Nadir and your Lara.

Another thing you should know is that Lara came to the house to see me. I was an absolute wreck when she found me; truly a state that nobody should have seen me in, least of all her. We ended up talking and I let her take my mask off. Luckily, she appeared to be alright after the fact. I nearly had a heart attack; I thought I had ruined everything for you. I am not exactly sure what she has told you. I cannot apologize enough if I have dampened your relationship. I saw in our short conversation just how much she loves you, and it is tearing me apart to know that I may have ruined that because of something I cannot control. There are not enough words in any language for me to express how sorry I am.

You truly have done well with her my boy; she is absolutely wonderful. She seems to be very calm and patient, which are qualities that become useful when dealing with you. When she found me in the study, I was close to a panic attack when I could not get the blasted record player to work and play your mother's record. Without hesitation, she rationalized the solution. On the topic of your mother, I firmly believe that she would have adored Lara. I see so much of Christine in her. Which reminds me, I cannot believe you never told me she could sing. It is a beautiful voice indeed. She has agreed to allow me to help her learn to sing properly. I think the idea of giving someone music lessons will be good for me, as it will give me a consistent reason to make sure I am put together every day.

Thank you for understanding. I will never understand how I was blessed with you.

All my love,

- Your Father

~ 

LATE JANUARY 1916

Hello Papa,

There is no reason to apologize. You are my father and I could never feel ashamed of you. Please remember that. You haven't ruined anything; if anything you made it better. You see, Lara had been wanting to get to know you better. That's why she dropped by, so for you two to have that conversation and truly understand each other is better than anything I could have hoped for. I recently received a letter from her and she was over the moon about being closer to you after your conversation.

As far as you lying to me, of course, I understand why you did it. You and I are so similar that I believe I would have done the same if I was in your position. But please know that you don't have to hide these types of things anymore. There are better coping mechanisms for you now as opposed to locking yourself in your study and working on music. You have people who love you, people who want to see you happy, people who can help you. So please don't lie to me or anyone else about that again. You aren't a burden in any way, so don't act like you are one. I also ask that you do not lie to yourself; it is alright to ask for help, so don't let your pride get in the way of you receiving the help you need.

Lara having a better understanding of our family and both you and I is one of the best things for this relationship. It helps us draw closer and assists her in understanding how she can help and support us when we need it. Relationships are built on that sort of trust and understanding, which both you and I are learning as we go. I know you love Lara and you don't want to lose her either, but you needn't worry about that. I doubt she'll be going anywhere any time soon. Now you two have each other - an additional support system during this time. You cannot begin to comprehend how much I want to be at home and hold you both in my arms, but until that moment comes, lean on each other. It will help you more than you think.

I love the idea of you giving her voice lessons. I have told her that she should take them but she doesn't believe she is good enough for them. Also, there is the issue of her mother not approving of her learning music (though why I will never know), so if you could please not cause a problem on that front, I would greatly appreciate it. I know you have a strong opinion and I believe you are in the right, but her mother is a very traditional woman. I still need to be on her good side so please be lenient about this as a favour to me. I agree with you as well on the topic of these lessons being good for you. It will be a constructive use of time rather than being alone with your thoughts. I cannot wait to hear her voice after you have taught her, as I'm certain it will be nothing less than perfection.

I love you very much Papa, and I am happy that your past letter seemed to be more genuinely you instead of this perfect facade that you tried in the last one.

Your son, 

Gustave

~~~~~

letters part 4! 

this brings the series of letters to an official end! there will be a short one in chapter 19, but it will be far from the sole focus of the chapter. we hope you enjoyed this!