Heart of Steel Turned Gold

Chapter 11: All The Stars In The Heavens

Arthur:

"And you'll come back to me right away, right?"

"Yes sir" she breathed into my neck softly, raising my hair on end.

"Good" I pecked her shoulder, "then take care of yourself, I'll be here sweet pea."

She pulled me into one last kiss and turned out of my quarters, making her way down to the vertibird docks.

Four months. Four months full of love and happiness and unexplainable stains on my bedsheets. It was a miracle we didn't have any big fights. Fights that could have exploded into much worse issues were handled carefully by her cool demeanour or her talent at reasoning, using logic to get to a consensus that satisfied us both. She made me happy, but she made me scared. I never felt so afraid of losing someone.

I sank into my chair and looked at my terminal. The thought of her getting hurt. She nearly gave me a heart attack when she came back from that behemoth fight. I didn't feel as strongly as I did for her then as I do now. What if she came back injured or... if she didn't come back at all. I shuddered as I unscrewed the bottle of my favourite brandy. I poured it in the glass but didn't drink it. Just stared at it. The brown reminded me of Mer's hair. I looked at the ceiling.

It was very possible that she wouldn't return from a mission. Possible that the last time I see her is in her casket before she's put in the ground, if she got lucky. But if I lost her. My heart would be shattered. She would take a piece of me I could have never gotten back. It scared me that I fell more and more in love with her every day, and that I lost more and more of my control over the situation. I was used to being in control, but I lost all sense of it with Mer. It became increasingly difficult for me to not grab her ass or nuzzle into her neck when I saw her in common areas, but we both had to contain ourselves. It was near impossible for me to not interject when I saw a man getting what I deemed a little too close for comfort. She had me around her little finger, and we both knew it. Call it fate or pure luck, but she never took advantage of that hold she had on me. She was perfect, and maybe that's why it scared me so much to lose her.

Where would I find someone else like her?

Even finding someone who would be willing to love me and not my title was a struggle in itself. For a little bit, I thought I was maybe going into this too fast, but it felt way too right not to be true love. She was my everything, and I'd be at a loss without her.

I did my monotonous work and headed out to run a few laps around the Prydwen. Until Esmeralda pointed it out, I never noticed the way many of the woman looked at me, especially after my workouts. I stopped to check my pulse when I heard a few women giggling behind me. I turned my head to see a few scribes and knights in their uniform staring at me, particularly my lower half. I was getting all this attention, but I never felt more alone.

Mer wasn't here.

Maybe keeping our relationship private was a mistake. Ever since Danse walked in on us a few weeks ago, I never realized how badly I wanted everyone to know this remarkable woman was mine. I wanted to scream at the world that she was mine and mine alone. I wanted everyone to know that I wasn't for anyone else, that this woman had my heart completely. It was difficult for me to see the world without the compassion she inspired me to have for others. I wanted to touch her sweetly without fearing what others thought about us. I had to do this.

I went to my room, changed quickly and found my way to the mess hall.

"Soldiers..." everyone tuned to me, a few standing in my presence. I motioned for them to sit.

"I have an announcement to make." Everyone was watching me, including the particularly interested strawberry blonde in the corner of the room, Scribe Thomson.