Outside

21

Making my way down the stairs to collect some pain killers for the hangover I'd been graced with, I meet the evil eyes of my parents, looking at me with somewhat hopeful expressions upon their faces, as if they hadn't scolded me for being a drunk nuisance just yesterday, as if they hadn't threatened to remove me from the household when they found Lois and I laying on mum's freshly cut grass laughing about nothing.

And when they start talking, I wish I'd have stayed in bed, slept off the hangover or just watched a movie to avoid their pleading eyes and to avoid the question they just asked me. I wish I never came down, because now that I've been caught in this conversation, I know there isn't any way I'm getting out of it.

I watch as my parents stand fake smiling with every word they say, as they ask me to do the one thing I'd been dreading ever since my dad saw the boy in all black denim through the window. The one thing I didn't want to have to do.

I knew this day would come at one point, maybe further on down the line, but I thought it'd months from now instead of today. Instead of right now. I mean, Van and I aren't even together, really. We just kiss and we sleep together and we go on dates but without putting a label on it. And as much as I can't stand how confusing that is, I guess it's better than us being nothing at all. But that's partly the reason why I don't want this to happen, what am I supposed to say- what is Van supposed to say when my parents bombard us with questions as to what we are to each other. Neither of us know the answer to that, Van practically said it himself, we're nothing yet.

I'd also rather not have Van witness the scowls and the witty comments my parents both drown me in. I'd rather not let him know how arrogant and self-centred my parents are. Because he'll end up thinking I'm just the same, that I get it from them, that I must be a horrible person because they are. And because he's the opposite, the complete foil to my parents, they'd end up sending him running out of the house before they've even opened they're mouths because he knows how to be a good person and if there's someone being an asshole he doesn't tolerate it. He'll either whip up some childish joke to unintentionally make it worse whilst thinking he's making it better, or he'll simply just walk away.

"Just ask him, it's only dinner Lyla, stop overreacting" Dad breaks me out of my thoughts, and I just growl wishing he never said anything, wishing he'd just left me alone to do anything but have this conversation.

Rolling my eyes so much that it fuels an even worse head ache than I already had, I give in to the beggars in front of me, nodding slowly as I internally screaming at myself for being so weak and easy to persuade. I ignore their laughs filled with spite as I make my way back up the stairs to phone Van and ask him the question I really didn't want to ask him.

I just don't see the point in inviting Van over for dinner, letting him meet my parents, having conversations about nonsense. I don't see the point because I know that they'll see him once, and maybe never again. Because Van is in a band, he tours and he wants to be as famous as he can be. Is there really any point in having him meet my mum and dad when it'll most likely be the first and the last time he sees them?

"Hiya love, y'alright?" His excitement is clear the second he picks up the phone. A contrast to what I'm feeling right now. His voice is a little too loud for me due to my hangover from the events of last night, but it still made me smile just because it was his voice.

I giggle and keep my smile at his enthusiasm, quickly rubbing it from my face when I realise I'm being distracted by his voice from what I'm supposed to be saying. "Yous wouldn't happen to be busy tonight would you?" I ask slowly and quietly, biting my nails; a nervous habit of mine.

"No I'm free, why?" Van replies with curiosity lacing his words, a hint of playfulness and I can sense his smile just by the tone of his voice.

I hesitate for a moment, wondering whether or not I should just ditch the original question and ask him to meet me somewhere instead, but if I did that I know my parents would destroy me and any future plans I have. I know I'd never get away with it, and sooner or later I'd have to ask him for real and this whole trying to get out of it thing would have been a waste of effort.

"My parents want to meet you" I close my eyes as I talk, partially hoping he'll say no so then I don't have to sit there awkwardly listening to the three of them converse, partially hoping he'll say yes just to get it over with, so that it never has to happen again, "tonight, for dinner" I add when I realise the line had gone silent for a few seconds, making me think that maybe Van didn't realise what I was getting at.

"What do I wear?" He asks, chuckling nervously and I giggle, knowing exactly why he'd ask such a thing. I mean, judging by the night we caught my dad staring at us through I'm betting Van already has an opinion of my parents.

"Anythin' you want" I laugh and I begin to wonder what Van would look like in something I'd deem fancy. He doesn't seem like the type to ever wear a tux, or even just a plain and simple shirt and tie. I've only ever seen Van in a shirt and jeans, sometimes a jumper if it's chilly, but never more than just that.

After telling Van the details, when to come and what not to say when if dad opens the door and more importantly what not to say if my mother opens the door, I race to my chest of drawers and pull out the nicest dress I own, making sure that the neck on it goes high enough to reach past my collar bones, which I've actually succeeded in hiding very well. I know it's only dinner at my own house, but my parents wouldn't let me walk down the stairs in jeans and a t-shirt. In fact, they wouldn't even let me be seen dead in something like that.

Thankfully, 'tonight' is approximately four hours from now, so it gives me time to have a shower and get ready, along with other things like maybe looking for a job since I'm still trying to move out before the year ends. I have just enough saved up for a shitty little flat somewhere closer to the city, but that's always been one of my worst nightmares. I'd rather live somewhere that feels like home rather than a confined room with hardly anything to look at.

Obviously with my luck I can't find anything online after looking for exactly two hours, calling and emailing random places that don't even fit my fancy only to get declined and told 'no' every single time. I just decide to leave it for another day, I only have two hours until Van arrives and I haven't even showered or begun to get ready yet so I should probably start doing that instead of wasting anymore time on pointless crap.

I can't deny that I'm nervous. Not nervous to see Van, but nervous for Van to see me, or more accurately my parents. They've always had this annoying habit where they already have a strong, fixed opinion on someone the second they meet them. It's like they don't even want to try to get to know anybody, they'd rather just decide on them at first glance. Last time they didn't even care what the lad's name was, they just sat him down at the table and tore him to shreds with their harsh words and death stares. All I can do is just pray to God that they'll be nice to Van, because I like him a lot and if he ends up walking out of this house never wanting to see me again, I don't even know what I'd do.

I hadn't even finished drying my hair when I hear the doorbell ring, causing my stomach to do triple backflips, making me feel a little bit sick. Mum shouts my name from the bottom of the stairs, and I quickly finish up with my hair, tying it in a loose, low pony and I slowly make my way out of my bedroom, closing the door behind.

"Hi" I shyly greet Van at the door, mum stands behind me with a fake smile. Van leans in for a hug and I obey, wrapping my arms around his cold body and letting out a sigh of frustration when I realise both how frozen he must be from the outdoors, and how horrible this night is most likely going to go.

"Y'alright love?" He asks, a sweet grin on his face, the cold has clearly caught up to him judging by the red shade at the tip of his nose. I can't help but blush at how good he looks under the golden glow in the front room.

"Why don't we all go sit down yeah?" Mum speaks, coughing when she notices how long I'd been clinging to Van like a koala bear.

I roll my eyes and hesitantly pull myself from him, wishing I could just stay there forever in Van's arms instead of eating with my parents as I watch them awkwardly converse.