Outside

24

"Hey Lo, you busy?" I ask, my voice quiet but rushed. I cross my fingers behind my back in hopes her answer won't be 'yes' as I stroll around my room waiting for an answer.

"Not right now, why?" She asks, her voice full of confusion as to why I called her so early in the morning.

I sigh, hoping she'll be okay with making plans with me because I could really use the company of a friend right now, "can you come over?" I ask.

"I'm on my way" she said quick, knowing exactly what I needed without asking why I want her to come over. She giggled as she ended the call abruptly. I'm glad she didn't ask a bunch of questions, I'm not in the mood to waste time talking over the phone about pointless crap.

It didn't take long for her to arrive, about ten minutes went by before I heard the doorbell ring. I know my parents are in today, which means Lois'll have to be super quiet about the shit I'm about to burden her with. Which means she can't mention the date we had and the marks I had afterwards, she can't mention sex and she can't scream or shout that I'm an idiot when I tell her Van and I are no longer friends.

"Spill, woman!" Lois shouts the second I open the door, and I quickly shut her up by placing my hand over her red lipstick-covered mouth, smudging the colour it a little when she squirmed under my touch.

She furrows her brows in confusion so I nod my head towards the living room door, indicating that my mum, who for some reason despises Lo, is in there along with my dad. And they'll definitely hear us because the two of them never talk unless I'm there to start the conversation, which is very rare because I hate spending time with the two of them, as harsh as that sounds.

After Lois takes her coat off and hooks it on top of mine, she follows me up the stairs and into my bedroom where I flop myself onto my bed. Lois sits herself on the fluffy rug located in the middle of my room, and crosses her legs like some student waiting for their teacher to say something that'll be forgotten in a few days time. Except that isn't the case with Lois, anything and everything you say is placed in a nice neat folder in the front of her brain, taken out only when necessary, like when she's teasing me or using my words as bribery.

"Van not said anythin' yet then?" I ask, wondering if she already knew about it due to her always being with him when she's with her boyfriend, and judging by her outburst when I swung the door open, I'm sure she knows at least something.

She sighs, looking down at the fluff beneath her, "Van really likes you Lyl, y'know that right?" She says, her voice laced with a tone I can't fully decipher. Probably just overthinking though. She looks back up at me with eyes full of pity and opens her mouth again, "he told me that yous had a bit of a fight, what's that about?"

"Only gone and told them we were just mates" I slowly murmur, emphasising the last part, saying it a little loud even though it makes me cringe to even think about it. I just sit and wait for her to answer, looking at her from under my lashes with a solemn look on my face before I realise she's waiting for me to continue, "he fuckin' shoved me in the friend zone, Lo" I let out a frustrated laugh.

"Shit, did he really?" Her shocked expression said it all. Van had told her we'd fought, not once told her why though. It made me wonder why he didn't mention the reason behind our argument. Made me wonder what the hell went on in that beautiful head of his.

"S'alright though, wasn't expecting anythin' else" I sight, turning my body around so that I'm laying on my stomach, my face flat in my pillow as I feel the tears prick my eyes.

I didn't want Lois to see me cry over him. I didn't want to cry over him full stop, it's pathetic. He's just a boy, just a five-week-fling that would never have lasted longer than just that amount of time. It's silly of me to think it would ever have gone further than what it was.

"Yous better make up with him Oasis" she says, her tone serious but I can sense the hint of humour as she nicknamed me in a playful manner, almost singing her words.

"No, and don't call me that" I deadpan, lifting my head up a little so that she can hear me but putting it straight back onto my pillow when I decide the conversation has gone too far.

"D'ya want me to call Sam, he's good at this whole relationship shit" she says hopefully, but I want nothing less than to be in the company of a man. Especially one who's just come out of his own relationship, he's clearly not the one for this situation.

I shake my head against the soft cushion, hoping she isn't looking away because that's the only answer I'm giving her, that's the only answer I can be bothered to give her at this point.

Lois sighs, standing up from the rug on which she was sat, and she walks over to me, "c'mon lass, yous can't stay in bed forever" she says and I feel her body on top of my own, breaking me into a laughing fit, hardly able to move. Not really having the energy to move.

We stay like this for a while, no amount of wriggling beneath her could get Lois off me, she's too stubborn to give in, so I decided to just stick with being used as a bed. I'm not really complaining, Lois kept me giggling, kept me happy when I didn't want to be.

But then when she went home, it all just came crashing back down on me again. The loneliness I felt, the utter boredom I was trapped in. I felt so tiny, so pathetic. I felt like I shouldn't be feeling such a way, because it was clear from the start that nothing was ever going to happen and I should have expected something like this.

But something did happen, and that's what bothers me. We slept together and it's been playing on my mind for the past six days since it happened. We slept together and he called me a friend. I felt so belittled, so used and so pulled apart. How could I have let this happen? How could I have let myself go so far with someone like him, someone older and more experienced and mature, someone practically famous? He clearly had every intention of leaving me, I mean, he's going on tour in under two weeks. It was inevitable that we'd never become more than friends.

Maybe I was thinking too far into it, maybe I was winding myself up by thinking these things. Van was so sweet to me. It's so hard to believe that someone as lovely as him could ever do something like that. It just doesn't make sense.