Outside

22

It's awkward. Sat here with my parents, Van beside me looking rather intimidated, shuffling in his seat whenever my dad mentions something about him touring. I know that the two of us are just waiting for this to be over fast so Van can go home and I can go to bed, think about how I'll never have to relive this night again and be pleased with the thought of that.

Luckily my parents haven't fully drowned either of us with unwanted crap yet, which is good because I don't have answers for anything at the moment due to the lack of interest I have in the conversation along with the fact that I can never be prepared for the shit that comes out of my parents mouths.

"Well you gonna go long distance then? I mean how are you supposed to have a relationship when you're away touring?" Dad says randomly, and I almost choke on my chicken, as does Van who's eyes are wide enough for him to see the whole kitchen around and behind him.

He thinks for a moment, hesitantly takes a sip of the fancy champagne my mum had bought before he arrived, and then he coughs and finally answers "oh no, we're just mates at the moment" he simply puts it without even looking at me at any point, without letting me have any input, any opinion on what we are or what I'd like to think we are to each other.

Just friends.

My heart sinks with his words and I feel the air becoming thicker and thicker, almost too thick for me to be able to see the unfazed look on Van's face when he just admitted his lack of feelings towards me. Of course I've been friend zoned before, but it wasn't ever on this level.

It's never been after the kissing and the sleeping together and the calling each other stupid nicknames only we could address each other with, the dates and the asking me to go on tour with him more than once and the conversation about me being the 'best person' in his life after a lad that has been there since they were teenage boys. No, it's never been like this before. And it definitely never hurt this way before.

"You're just friends?" My mum asks, confusion in her words to match her expression. I can't blame her for being so puzzled, I thought Van would say something different too.

Van smiles weakly and the intimidating woman in front of him, "yeah, I don't think I could leave a lass at home, it just wouldn't work" he says more with better confidence than before and it only hurts me more.

Everyone looks at each other with furrowed brows, and I just sit there, biting my lip as I become more and more nervous, letting my parents become more and more confused by this conversation. I don't even think confused is the word, maybe displeased or disappointed in Van's answer to a simple, yet completely unnecessary question.

"Well what if she wants to make it work though?" My dad interrupts with the question he shouldn't have asked. I can feel Van looking at me, waiting for me to say something, but I can't even meet his gaze right now.

"Okay that's enough, I've had enough" I decide that it's too much, my ears can't listen to the bullshit anymore. I can't even bring myself to believe Van actually said that. And in front of my parents, what was he thinking?

"What's wrong?" Van asks, looking up at me with worry in his eyes, trembling hands as he puts down his drink.

I look at him with fury in my eyes, letting him know that I'm more than just mad at him, at him and my parents, letting him know that I'm not going to sit here and listen to him friend zone a girl he took on a date and drunkenly slept with.

I couldn't decide whether I want to confront him, tell him how he'd just torn my heart out without even noticing he'd done it, or whether I just want to leave him be, let it slide and just ignore the ache in my heart as I gaze at the confusion in his expression.