Outside

42

Get ready for tears.....

"Shit... he said that?" Lois asked, I couldn't decipher the look on her face, whether she was disappointed, annoyed, concerned... I couldn't tell.

"I don't know what to do... should I ask him about it? He probably won't even remember saying it" I sighed, knowing that if I brought it up, it would open up a whole new case of problems and I didn't want that, "Lo, I don't want to go on a break... I just.. I can't"

"Hey it's alright, Like you said he probably won't remember, he was drunk which means he probably didn't even mean it" Lois assured me, but I still wasn't sure about it all, "just talk to him about it when you're ready, yeah? I'm sure you'll both be fine... you always get through shit, you're a fucking power couple"

"I don't know... It's all just so fucking confusing, one minute he's all 'I love you Lyla, you're my favourite' and the next he's like 'we need a break' we were fine, I was just working and he called up drunk so I went round and he fucking said that... what did I do to make him say that... what does he actually want from me?" I rambled, not knowing where my heart or my head were at, not knowing whether I should agree with Van and just take a break from him, from all the drama and mind fuckery. I didn't want Van and I to be apart, but if it was going to help our relationship, I'd risk it.

"Look, I'm gonna be late for work but I love you and I love Van and I need you both to be okay... please talk to him as soon as you can, no matter what happens you know I'll be right here" Lois said, smiling sympathetically and hugging me tight before heading off to work.

I didn't know what to do, I needed to talk to Van about what he said but I was just so nervous to... It was all I'd thought about for the last two weeks, it was on my mind every second of the day, even my work friends who hardly even knew me noticed there was something off... It was so obvious that it was bothering me no matter how much I tried to pretend it wasn't.

I got up, shoved my coat on and called a taxi to take me to Van's apartment, probably make a bad decision but I needed to see him, I hadn't for two weeks and it was killing me, I needed to see him and I needed to ask him about what he said, I wasn't going to just sit there and cry about it.

I had no idea if Van wanted to see me or not, we'd spoken over the phone and texted constantly, but he never once made the effort to see me so I didn't either, I figured he just didn't want to. But now I was getting tired of it, tired of him not wanting me, tired of him not telling me that he didn't want me... tired of him making excuses. I just needed him to tell me what is going on with him, maybe I could help with whatever it was.

I paid the taxi driver and made my way to the door, which swung open and Larry walked out with Benji, a startled look on both of their faces as they saw me.

"Lyla... shit, how are you?" Benji asked, stepping out and closing the door behind the two of them.

"I'm good... I wasn't expecting to see you two today" I stuttered, knowing they'd probably be a little confused seeing me outside of Van and Larry's apartment building only weeks after him telling me he wanted a break.

"I'm out for the weekend... Van's all yours" Larry winked at me, I cringed a little but covered it with a laugh as I opened the door, hoping to get away from them quickly as I hated the thought of them asking me about Van.

"See you" I smiled weakly and closed the door behind me, making my way up to Van's apartment.

I felt like this was so repetitive, I'd done this so many times, came up to Van's place so many times, walked out crying so many times... just to come back weeks later. All I could do now was hope that I wasn't going to being doing that again.