Outside

31

"You're coming?" Vans voice nervously trembled, along with his bottom lip which he quickly caught between his perfectly crooked teeth, I saw the twinkle in his eye before he blinked it away and replaced his smile with a nervous laugh.

"If it's okay, I don't wanna intrude, but I'd like to" I reply, hoping he hasn't decided against it now, hoping his choice to ask me to come along hasn't been flushed away. All I could do was hope that he still wanted me to to come.

"Yeah! Ah Larry's gonna be fuckin' buzzin Lyls" Van says, his excitement clear again. Although I'm happy that the lads wouldn't mind, I didn't want to hear how Larry would feel about it, I wanted to hear what he felt about it, if he still wanted it as much as I did. As much as Larry seemingly did. His eyes went soft for a moment and his excitement simmered down, his voice lowered, "You're not joking are you? You're actually coming yeah?" He sounded worried.

"Van why would I be jokin'? I wanna come with yous, it'll be fun won't it" I laugh, taking his hand in mine as I lead him up the stairs, away from the eavesdroppers who were clearly listening to me telling Van the news which they didn't take very well three days ago.

"Yeah it'll be mint love" he softly responds and sits himself on my desk chair, spinning around like a child.

I smile at the sight of Van, his excitement is clear on his lit up features, his wide eyes, "'d'ya think?" I ask.

"Yeah! you'll love it I promise" he grins, "what did your parents say about it?"

"Weren't too keen on the idea, dad's tellin' me no but they can't do nothin' can they like" I shake my head, frowning at the fact that my parents still try to control me at the age of nineteen.

"They'll be reyt won't they, not like you're going forever, I wouldn't mind that though if I'm honest, forever with you sounds alright" Van laughs, lightening the mood a little bit. Making my heart melt for the thousandth time since I met him. He definitely has a way with words, I'll give him that.

"Sounds good Mccann" I reply, earning a wink and a grin. Before he joins me and wraps his arms around my waist like a koala bear.

"I can't wait angel, I'm dead happy yous said yeah like, I'm buzzin" Van says, looking up at me with a twinkle in his wide eyes.

I'm happy that van's happy, glad that his eyes widened and twinkled and his cheeks flushed red when I rested my hand in his bush of hair. But I was easily reminded of the conversation I'd had with my parents when I told them about my sudden decision to spend several weeks with a boy they met once, and other boys they've never met. They didn't have good reactions, dad hated the idea, told me that Van was only with me for one reason and that he only wanted me there with him for one reason. Mum obviously had something to say about it, said it was a stupid idea and I'd end up regretting it soon.

Although I ignored their comments and although I told them I'd be fine, I couldn't fight the feeling of dread I have when I think about it all. The feeling that something bad is going to happen.

I'd taken so much time to think about this whole thing, since the first time Van asked me to come with him it had been on my mind, and I can't help but feel like I'm making the wrong decision now that I finally decided to say yes. Maybe mum's right, maybe I will regret it. Anything could happen whilst we're away, Van could easily get bored and I could easily have my heart broken. Except this time it wouldn't be so easy to avoid him whilst being trapped on a tour bus, in a hotel, at a venue, with him.

I couldn't help but feel as if we were moving way too fast.

"What's wrong?" Van asks suddenly, breaking me out of my thoughts, looking up at me with a frown, pursed lips. I shook my head and smile at him. But he doesn't take no for an answer after hearing nothing but deep sighs for the past five minutes, "c'mon love talk to me, what's wrong?" He lifts himself up on his elbow and rests his eyes on me, his voice firm and persuasive yet sweet, angelic.

"Just worried is all, I've never done anythin' like this have I, so I'm just a bit worried" I reply, sighing a long sigh and taking my gaze from his. I shouldn't lie like that to someone as sweet as Van, but the truth would hurt him. Knowing I'm worrying about him breaking my heart would break his own, and that's not what I want to happen.

Van wraps his arms around my waist, bringing me into his warmth, "there's nowt to be worried about my darlin' you'll be fine I promise I'll make sure you have a good time yeah?" He assures me and a smile immediately creeps onto my face, replacing my frown.

"I haven't even packed anything yet" I laugh, the realisation hitting me that I only have until tomorrow to pack enough to last me six weeks.

It didn't matter though, because the next morning I shoved everything into a big suitcase, texted Van I'd be out in ten, and bolted down the stairs to say a quick goodbye to my parents, who both had annoyance written all over their dull expressions.

I could tell the two of them were more than unhappy with me, but it wasn't their choice to make, whether or not I joined my boyfriend and his band on their tour. And like Van said, it's not like I'm leaving forever, it's not a big deal.

I'm glad Lois is coming though, at least I won't have to put up with the lads teasing Van and I if I'm out and about with Lois. Although, we never actually were informed of where abouts in the world we were going. The word America is all we heard, but I didn't really mind not knowing, I know Van wouldn't want me worrying about anything, I know he probably had good reasoning not to let me know every detail of the tour.

"You're going today then?" Dad asks, leaning back against the table, his hands clutching the sides tightly, "do you have everything?"

"Pretty much, if not I can just buy whatever I don't have" I reply with a weak smile, turning to look at my mum who's eyes were looking everywhere but me, "I'll see you soon then yeah?"

"Yeah be careful would you?" Dad replies, leaving mum to stay silent, "and text us whenever you can"

"Sure" I roll my eyes and head out of the kitchen.
Dad never cared like he was pretending to now, he never told me to text him, never even answered when I did. I didn't understand why he'd suddenly pipe up with his be carefuls and his stay safes like he cared whether or not I was staying safe and being careful. He never said bye when I left the house, never a hello when I entered. So I stopped bothering too.

Mum waved her hand ever so slightly when I stepped out of the front door, her fabricated smile hardly visible and she closed it behind me the second both my feet were on concrete. My whole body engulfed in the cold wind and I suddenly felt relief wash over me when I saw the familiar black car at the end of the driveway.