Picking up The Pieces

Finally

*Bobby*

In the wash of the new light, her face takes on the appearance of an old photograph. Nostalgia, a distant but loved memory. I watch as the sun brings her skin into focus, not yet animated with the warmth that she is.

I didn't have the heart to wake her up, so I decided I'd just pull her closer until the light is so strong that she can't ignore it anymore.

It transports me to the morning we woke up in the hideaway, the night after we made love for the first time. She was completely spent and I woke up before her. I got the privilege to watch the rise and fall of her chest as she breathed gently, quiet whistling sounds coming from her nose every time she exhaled. It was one of my favorite things about watching her sleep other than the small smile that seemed to always play on her lips. I was forced to wake her up so we could begrudgingly go back to the others and back to what had become the norm. This time, I would let her wake on her own. Naturally. It was early anyway.

God, I love her.

Her small frame moves closer to mine. As she sighs in her sleep she nuzzles her head into my neck, wrapping her leg tightly around me and pressing herself into my thigh unknowingly.

No panties.

I think back to last night.

Did she ever have on panties?

Trying to remember was hard. Everything was such a daze of lust. It's all a bit of a blur, but in a good way.

The thought of it made my dick twitch.

Way to ruin a perfectly innocent morning Vic. Now I want to fuck you.

I curse at myself, knowing I can't do anything.

You need to get your shit together dude.

Part of me wanted her so badly because I couldn't have her the way I wanted to, but that sounds selfish.

The other part of me wanted her because I missed her. I'd never been too great at expressing my feelings. She was the only woman I'd truly opened up to romantically, everyone else was a good friend or a good fuck.

One time in the villa after we had sex and before we officially exchanged I love you's, she jokingly told me "Ya know, I might love you if i'm letting you in like this."

Apparently it was hard for her to express romantic feelings too, at first. Eventually her feelings were on full display like rare art in an expensive gallery and I couldn't take my eyes off them.

I knew then that even if she was joking at the time, the feeling was mutual for me.

After that, I learned to take my time understanding her body, paying attention to her, appreciating her. She'd told me about the men in her past and the way a few used her. They got what they wanted and then discarded her like a disposable camera. I told her I would never do that, make her feel used, yet here we are. She must feel at least a little discarded, disregarded, disrespected.

We won the show together and then fell apart because I stopped paying her any mind.

She stirred a bit in her sleep and I held my breath, hoping she would stay in whatever world she was in for a bit longer so I could contain myself and my thoughts.

Last night was unexpected but at the same time, it wasn't. I knew something would happen between us, I'm just surprised it went as far as it did.

I had only wanted to kiss her. Only planned on doing it once and then sleeping. To pretend she was mine again for a little while. I don't know what I'd expected though. Touching Victoria is like drinking water after a marathon. You just can't stop.