Crossed Colors

2 / Hot Girl Bummer

I stopped to think for a second. Zelda has gone, out of sight, and I'm dancing with a dude who I just met.

I'm not crazy. Im just doing what everyone else is doing drowning so they dont have to have the burden of breathing.

Dante wants to take this further, I can tell. But I wont let it happen. I am not prepared for that outcome.

So instead I leave him to go kiss someone else. I turn to a girl dancing. She looks at me and we start making out.

Then, I dont even want to explain it.

I throw up. I throw up right into the girls mouth. Wow.

"WHAT THE FUCK!" She says screaming out her lungs.

I am holding on to her shoulders bending down. I was so not prepared for that.

She shifts away, as i drift. I fall beside my own vomit. Darkness around me falls. That's when I see who I think is Dante and some other man.

They start panicking, and they're drunk. They question what to do.

I don't understand what the whole conversation is about, but I know what's happening. They dont know what to do, but I do. I cannot move though.

I am helpless.

That's when someone walks over and kneels. I see his shaggy hair, I start to touch, I needed to. He throws my hand away.

Hes beautiful, and hes reaching somewhere, somewhere he shouldn't be. Wtf! I cant move though, I want to but I cant.

Then he picks me up. I want to know where hes taking me. I feem paralyzed, or what I think being paralyzed would feel like.

He takes me outside and shoves me in the passenger side of his car.

Why is he doing this for me? Why would anyone do this for me, huh? I wanna ask him but he seems content, but pissed.

I leave to myself, when I realize, where is he taking me? He doesnt know where I live! Unless he knows Zelda.

I finally speak up, the first words I've said in awhile now.

"Ummm....where are you taking me?" I asked him. He kept his eyes on the road,  when I could barely keep my eyes off him.

It feels as if I know him, as if he is supposed to be, as am I. That's when I hear him say something.

" I am taking you to your apartment. You live with Zelda, right?" I nodded, then I realized he couldn't see me in the darkness.

"Yes." I reply sheepishly. I kept to myself, I had no phone, no friends, no real lover, and no one to talk to.

I couldn't just talk to Zelda, after what I did at least. Then I hear him turn up the radio. It's a song that I love, Tiny Dancer, by Sir Elton himself.

"I love this song!" I said as I start dancing in my seat. He looks across, the only time he takes his eyes off the road.

He speaks up. "Yeah it's a classic from Elton." He's bopping his head to the song, my song, no our song, yes that sounds better.

He pulls over for I'm suspecting gas and a drink ,but he pulls out his phone and sits for awhile.

"Ok well I told Zelda we are almost to your guys apartment, and that I just had to stop for ga-" he was talking but I interrupted. I placed my mouth on his, trying to get something out of him. He instead pushed away.

"AHHH-" he was stumbling for words. He then spoke once more. "Okay, okay, okay, OKAY! GOD I dont even know your name," he paused for a second. "what is it again?"

"Blanca." I replied wondering what he was going to say.

"Okay Blanca, I just wanted to let you know before I went batshit crazy that I have a soulmate." God of course he does he's like the best person I've met. I needed to test him.

"What color is my shirt then, huh, if you see color then."I had asked him a stupid question that I didnt even know the answer to.

"I cant see color." He had responded while i was in utter shock by his words. How in the hell could he not see color but he had a soulmate.

"How do you have a soulmate then?" I had asked him with my voice raising slightly at every word.

"We know that we love each other and that we are each others, that's all we need." That was absolutely.  Utter. Bull. Shit. And I was to outraged to tell him.

Instead of talking out my opinion I started crying, balling uncontrollably. I saw that the man next to me, who I still had no clue what his name was, was indeed uncomfortable, and confused.

"HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU SAY THAT SO CALMLY, HUH? HOW? HOW CAN YOU BE SO SURE? ARE YOU SOME SMARTASS OR SOMETHING, CAUSE YOU SOUND LIKE ONE TO ME" I screamed out ignoring my tears.

He then proceeded to kick me out of the car. "Leave, you're just like everyone else, so leave."

I listened to his wishes and got out of the car. I had no idea where I was headed, I had no life. I knew i was gonna make one for myself.

I went to my apartment, which thank god wasnt to far. And walked in through the door silently as I could.

Only to meet Zelda, and Leila, on the futon. I ran to my room as fast as I could. I made it just in time and locked myself in.

I heard Zelda and Leila yell at me from the outside, but I wanted no part of it. I instead got into my style of comfortable clothes and hid myself under the covers.

I started crying a silent cry. Tears rolling down my eyes faster and faster, one by one. Until they all stopped, I could cry no longer.

All I could think of is how much my life sucks. How I did nothing wrong and caused so much. I was a monster to myself, someone who I could not contain.

I wanted no one to deal with what my problems are. I'll lock myself, let my thoughts consume me. I caused so much. I wanted to rage.

Fuck my friends! Fuck my parents! Fuck my life! I have no one! So. Fuck. You. Life. Fuck. You!