River | John Seed

6- Something About the Water

"Once I was lost in the wilderness and as I came to understand the wilderness, I too became wild, and out of this wilderness I was fostered anew, not just as a man, but as an animal, clothed in the blood of my kill, wild in the heart, and with a powerful hunger for all those who would trespass against me and the wilderness I now called my home." —THE FATHER, EDEN'S GATE

JOHN

She left. She left me..

I force myself up from the ground despite my head pounding and chase after her. I couldn't let her go, I needed her!

It was the first time in my life that I actually felt like I was...alive.

What did I do wrong? Why did she keep pushing me away? What was she so afraid of?

"TEEVIN! DON'T!"

She wasn't safe out there without me to protect her. She needed me! Without me, she didn't stand a chance from my brothers. They would take her from me!

I had almost reached her when she shut the bunker's door and blocked it with the crowbar. "NO! TEEVIN! YOU'RE NOT SAFE!"

I rammed my shoulder into the door several times, ignoring the pain it caused me and shook it until the crowbar had come loose. I ran out and stopped, spinning around in every direction thinking of where she could have went. Dropping my gaze to the ground, I see bare footprints and smirk.

I will find you.

I ran after her shouting her name desperately the whole way. I hadn't even noticed my eyes had started to water,"Fuck, don't get weak now!"

It was like a new hole had ripped into my chest the moment she ran away. I don't understand why! Why did I need her by my side so badly? Why did it feel as if I couldn't breathe without her?

This is all because I didn't get her to say 'Yes'. That's been my life's purpose...hasn't it?

When I came to a clearing, there's a cliff and I spot a familiar figure. One that isn't welcome.

"Jacob..."

He's kneeling at the edge of the cliff looking at something—or someone.

"Found what you're looking for." He cackled and waves a pistol at them.

"Who? And why are you in my turf?" I take a step forward and narrow my eyes at him. He never showed up unannounced.

"Heard a lot about this one here—trying to stir the pot up and cause an uproar." Jacob says and I shake my head.

"She's done nothing. You have the wrong person as she's been under MY care this whole time."

I was getting fed up with all these obstacles standing in my way of what I wanted. "She's pretty ain't she? Almost too pretty." I open my mouth to object when he suddenly stands and gestures to Teevin with his gun.

"Why don't you come on up here? I don't think you're going to get very far after holding yourself there for this long."

He chuckles and rubs his beard,"Must be pretty damn tiring, especially with a wounded leg."

"Do you still need the back up?" Came a voice over a radio and I stop breathing, jerking my head towards the cliff.

"Tell them, to STAND DOWN." I order but Jacob just looks at me with a strange glint in his eye.

Raising the radio to his mouth to respond, I clench my teeth,"Send em up."

"NO!"

I dash towards the edge where I see Teevin's arms shaking and reach out to her. "I'm not going back!"

"TEEVIN PLEASE!" I'm begging her not to do it, not to let go and risk trying to land in the lake.

She glances over her shoulder and I slam my fist on the hard ground,"For fucks sake ! I WILL JUMP AFTER YOU!"

She gives me a soft smile, her gold eyes meet mine and it kills me on the inside,"It's okay to let go, John."

"No, I can't!" I tell her with sadness threatening to take over. Her hands released their grip on the ledge and I cry out as she starts to fall towards the water.

A silencer comes in my peripheral vision and turn to see Jacob pointing his gun at her. Out of instinct, I elbow him in the gut and rip the gun out of his hands before I run and dive off the cliff.

"JOHN —STOP!!"

She hits the water just seconds before I do and I swim up, resurfacing. The sun was now rising over the mountains and it began reflecting off the surface.
Moments later, I see Teevin surface ten feet away and faces me. Her face is twisted with confusion as we both just tread water.

"Why do you keep coming after me? Even after I hit you and ran away?"

I don't answer her, I hadn't thought of the reason—I just knew I wanted her and had to have her by my side.

"Why?" She pressed, a little annoyed by my silence and I sigh before smirking.

"Because I.. I need you." I give the simple answer and mentally kick my teeth in.

"You need me? You don't even know me John!"

"I DON'T CARE."

She steadily began swimming away with me following at the same pace, I wasn't going to lose her.

"I don't care if I hardly know you—what I DO know is how I feel when I'm with you!" I'm mad at her, so incredibly mad that she can't see how obvious it is. And how she keeps denying her feelings for me too.

Her breathing becomes ragged and sharp, she can't keep this up for much longer. God she was so much stronger than I had anticipated.

"I'm leaving, John. And I'm not coming back."

She turns away but I reach after and grab her around the waist, pulling her into me. Her back is facing me and I tighten my jaw with how infuriating she was.

"Please.. I'm begging you. Stay with me."

Silence as she doesn't move or say a word so I add something else I know would get a reaction.

"Just say yes."

Teevin shudders at the words and I force her to face me. Her cheeks are stained with streaks of tears, and takes one last look deep into my eyes. "In our heaven."

She goes under so fast I can't even react. I spin around seeing which way she went but can't see her anywhere!

"FUCK!" I start swimming as fast as I could towards the shore and catch glimpse of a speed boat up ahead.

Her head pops above the water and begins frantically waving her hands and screaming at the folks at the dock for help. They scramble, getting in the boat and revving the engine to life.

I swam desperately, my emotions getting the best of me. I ignored the fact my heart was cracking, being ripped from my chest because I knew I didn't deserve to be loved. Who could love a broken monster?

"TEEVIN!" I cry out as she's being lifted into the boat and swim faster. I'm close—but not close enough.

"DONT TAKE HER! DONT YOU FUCKING TAKE HER FROM ME!!!"

My shouting just makes them zoom off down the river even faster. She's gone.

"I thought we would last forever." I stop swimming and watch as the only woman I could ever possibly love—be ripped from my life.

"JOHN!"

I heard my men yell after me as I float needlessly on the water, wondering why God brought her into my life. For what purpose? Torture? Suffering?

Haven't I suffered enough, Lord?