River | John Seed

7- Angel On the Outside

TEEVIN

Six months later...

"Angel! Come on inside honey, supper's on!"

I perk up, and throw my blonde hair up in a high pony before taking my working gloves off and strutting towards the Weston's house.

I had abandoned everything I knew about my previous life...my name, my hair color, even Hope County.

I did my best to not think of the man who stole my heart..but every night was a nightmare. In my dreams, he tormented me. He always showed up every. Single. Night. He spoke all the right words and made me ache for his touch when I woke up.

It was always the same...until I fought sleep for three days. I figured if I deprived my body of sleep—he'd go away and stop haunting my soul.

But I was wrong. It made it worse. The night I finally gave in for sleep—it was a total shitshow.

John was kneeling in front of me, his blue eyes reddened from how hard he was crying. He was begging me for an answer, any answer— to why I couldn't take him as he was. Why I couldn't love him and come back to him. Why I left.

I could never give him an answer no matter how much I wanted to, my mouth moved but I wouldn't speak. I guess it got so bad I woke everyone in the house up, sayin' I was screaming in my sleep.

From then on, I dealt with the dreams and the agonizing torture of him never going away. Even when I left—he didn't.

The Weston family said I was Heaven-sent, because I saved their farm from dying out. After that, I earned the nickname 'Angel' , which stuck ever since. They didn't know too much about what I ran from or what my real name was, but agreed to take me in as one of their own since I was a much needed helping hand.

There was Jinny and Howard, a middle aged married couple with all the kids grown and out on their own. They had ten acres of secluded farmland twenty miles outside Hope County—where no one could bother them. 'Course, if they needed medicine or special tools, a man named Nick Rye usually delivered to them once every two or three weeks. He came by plane straight over from Hope County, but lately, he's been unable to make it due to the cold front pulling in and his wife is due soon for the baby.

Nick always talked about leaving and getting as far away from Montana as he could. He said it's a whole different world now with the months gone by. And I believed him. He said there's been more killings, more pushing for people to join Joesph. Fields were being overrun by the drug Bliss, capturing more folks when they accidentally step in it.

"That John feller' always jawing bout some beautiful girl gone missing from his life. How he prays for her safe return. Sets up regular searches for her too." Nick told Jinny and Howard as he scoops a spoonful of beans in his mouth.

My hand twitched at the news before I clear my throat and take a swig of beer. I didn't want to hear this today.

"Angel, hunny? You alright? You haven't touched your food." Jinny asked, looking at me with a motherly concern. It was honestly so nice to feel at home again, with people who cared for me. I haven't had that in years.

I nod, staring at the bottle in my hand,"Yes ma'm, just a little run down is all," I turn to Nick who's brows raise up at me. "Did he say what the girl's name was?" I inquire, leaning my head against the palm of my hand.

"Somethin' strange like Teagin I think. Makes me think he's makin it all up but said he'd get pictures sent out soon. That feller needs some help." Nick chuckled with a mouth full of food. I begin coughing after taking another swig of beer and stand to go over to the sink. Leaning over it, I start busting up laughing. We all need help.

"You sure your alright dear?" Howard asks this time and I wave him off before spinning around.

"They won't be leaving the County will they?"

Nick shrugs,"He's unpredictable, they make searches all over, I wouldn't put it past him. But the people are talkin' —startin' to wonder about John and if he's really doing God's work. Some say he's obsessed but it don't sound like that to me."

He stands to put his dish in the sink beside me and taps his chest,"He's just drowning in love and can't accept his heartbreak."

"Nice choice of words." I comment and he grins,"Thank you! I always thought I was something of a poet but the wife don't think too much of it."

I smile and pat his shoulder,"Don't stop showing her how much of a poet you are. She probly loves it ,just has a hard time expressing it."

I know all too well.

=====================

After supper and Nick Rye had left, I help wash up before going to my room giving the excuse I wasn't feeling well and was having an early night in.

I gaze out through the window up at the full moon and sigh, wondering if he was staring at the moon with me.

What would it have been like if I had stayed with him? Would I be happy and impossibly in love with the one man I wasn't supposed to? Would he be satisfied with me and not disappointed?

Why were there so many rules in life? Even my stupid last name was Laws. I just wanted to live my best life—it's what my parents would have wanted for me. And if it wasn't with John, then I had to live with that fact.

In all honesty, I was afraid. No, mortified. Of the possibility of going back. I did miss John. Hell, he was in every damn dream since the day I left. If time away meant anything, it was slowly killing my heart. All those 'What ifs' sucked away at me like a leech.

I knit my hands together and stare into the sky as I whispered my first prayer since the day my parents died.

"Lord, I ask you for help and your strength. I don't know what to do—show me the way or take me there. But please, take this heartache from me. Amen."