Lisa
I'm still confused. Too lost to what to believe. Tons of article towards Joohyun and Suho spreads rapidly for a month. Even labelled as Korea's Perfect Couple, to which the fans would agree so. I could only tape my mouth to shut.
I admit, during days of stay in China, I fell to temptations. I just felt I need it. The anger every time it passes to my head that she's in relationship but not with me pulls my jealousy too the extent that I want her to feel the same.
So I tried. I found myself in a hotel room, striping a women that I couldn't recall the name. She's an actress, one of rising stars in China as of today.
I was devastated. I want to feel I wasn't alone. I want to prove that whatever feelings I have for Joohyun will fade once I tried it.
So I did. We're at the peak of it, I was kissing her senselessly, out of control, I'm even closing my eyes to the entire time not because I was enjoying it. But because of the fact that she's not Joohyun and it hurts me.
The sound escaping from her mouth is not the sound I want to hear. Her voice is not the voice that I want to call my name.
She's simply not my Joohyun and I can't do it.
But I tried even more. I got this side of wanting to shut her up, but every time I'm making her feel so good makes her to moan my name even more, louder.
The stupidest part is when I ask her she better shut up or I'm not doing it. I was mad for that petty reason. Coz I swear to god, I can't go on with it.
But not that I could stop when she's already naked. When I'm almost naked. That she's waiting for more and I'm too eager to feel.
I tried for the last time, I didn't left her mouth coz I don't wanna hear the sound she's going to make once I left it. But she wants me to do more, down there.
I did. But seconds later, I can't. I really can't. I said my sorry and I got a deafening slap in return. Maybe my wake up slap since it never crosses to my head to do it again.
And since I'm leaving China by tomorrow, I prefer to bury that memory in here. Maybe one night stand is not really my thing.
I don't wanna conclude yet coz that shit hurts. She can't have me spiritually too. That's pretty unfair to my part.
"Ahhhhh,,,, Laliza! You look like in deep thought tonight! Chill up! This is the team's farewell party why are you alone in here?"
I smiled to ZioRu. A good friend of mine. I could say, I made a lot of friends in here. And the Produce idol had this night for ours for a farewell party to the whole team who completes the show.
"I'm enjoying here!" I lied.
"What? Staying in bar counter is for broken hearted souls. Get yourself back to our table. Sasha was there, she's not drunk too.." He teasingly stated giving me his evil laugh. "Plus, everyone has been looking for you actually."
"Most of them are drunk. And I really love it here. Less crowd."
"ZioRu!" A feminine voice calls. She walks her way to us. I backed my eyes away, as they exchange a kiss on cheeks.
"You're late."
"I have meetings to attend. Who do you have here?."
I'm hundred sure she's talking about me so I shifted my eyes back to hers. The deep dimple from her cheeks shows and her eyes got startled as she had a closer look at me.
