the one that got away

6

natasha had been up for hours, doing the dishes, doing her laundry. basically running around her apartment and James didn't flinch. he didn't wake up, she dropped some stuff and squinted her eyes shut as if that would help, but he didn't wake up. he was fast asleep, he must have been tired.
"nat...?" a sleepy voice chanted through the apartment a couple more hours later, natasha looked at her watch and it read 11:30 AM. she snickered and walked over to him.

"I thought you'd never wake," she laughed, "did you sleep well?"

"did you tuck me in?" he asks when he rubs his eyes, natasha sat down next to him and smiled, nodding softly.

"ya I did," she softly chuckled, her feelings getting the better of her once again. "I mean i couldn't let you get cold, and it seemed like the friendly thing to do,"

"I appreciate it, thank you," he sat up and scratched his head, "you could have told me to go home though, i'm sure you don't like a stranger hanging around."

"stranger?" she raised her eyebrow at him, "you're no stranger, james. it would have been easier if you were, to be honest," she winked at him and got up again, leaving james to wonder what she meant with that. she walked back to the kitchen to make them some lunch, however, she thought he would follow her, he didn't. she tried to ignore her mind and just tried to focus on their lunch, but, thoughts spooked her. does he like me back the way I like him? do i really like, like him? he probably isn't even feeling the same why should I get myself into a heartbreak like that?

"natasha?" a sudden voice snapped her out of her thoughts and she jumped.

"oh my god, stop!"

"i've been calling your name twice? was that too much?" natasha sighed and shook her head.

"no, no sorry, i was lost in my thoughts, and you so happened to scare me." she looked down at her pan, "oh, geat, how do you like burnt toast?" she sighed.

"my favorite," he joked, laughing softly.

-------------------------------------------

natasha felt an intense weight falling off her shoulders as soon as james left her apartment, it was like she was holding in her breath and forgot hot to breathe. she didn't necessarily dislike him or anything, she just didn't quite want to like him. what if he would hurt her when she actually liked him? she's read the stories of total bad boys before, and it scared her. it will forever give her an image of what that could be, but won't be. her mind just needed that boost, the actual knowledge of that.
james was lucky that he was at least a bit funny too, and she liked that about him. he had something different that not many other guys have had, that she didn't kick in the balls before a hello could slip their tongue. james had something that was remarkable, something worth remembering even when he wasn't there. I sound like i'm in love..... james was for sure easy-going. he wasn't the type of guy who would just be there for the chill part of the netflix and chill nights, she felt as though he would actually wanna spend the night in bed watching soppy shows on netflix. with a good beer of course, but that wasn't too hard to get your hands on.

maybe, she thought, maybe, it was because they're both from russia. they're both quite foreign, that's why in the beginning they might have despited one another because we both didn't want to be reminded of what we came from and definitely didn't want to go back to. at least, for my part then. we're still closed up, we haven't opened up to each other, but sometimes all you need is to look someone in the eye to know you're in the right hands, and for some reason. it feels like he's a sort of safe-haven for me. in a very weird, and off feeling way.
"I'm falling in love, aren't i?" Natasha sighed to herself when she let the words slip, love, something she didn't know. something she for sure never had, or was taught how to 'do it'. she never felt the warmth of a pair of arms around here and someone just saying it's okay, it will be better. that thought scared her even more, what was she going to do? like tell him? no, that's stupid! he'll laugh and call you out to all of your old 'friends'! but, instead it wouldn't have been stupid at all, if she just knew.

I think i'm in love with him.... is the possible worst sentence that can come to mind. do i highly dislike myself for saying that? a hundred percent. that's a big fat yes from me.

natasha couldn't believe what she just said, it wasn't like she was telling someone, just herself, but if scared her. it was odd, it was scary, it was off. nothing seemed right, was she really thinking that? let alone, feeling that.
"I'm in love with him, there, there you have it," she grumbled as the words slipped her tongue. they stung at the back of her throat, she has never been in love and right now the only person she can love is a total bad-boy? Way to go natasha, way to go.