Never

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"Christopher! Oh my goodness! I was so worried! I thought something had happened!? Are you alright!?" As I walk into our dorm Pj's voice rings out over the music blaring through my headphones. The fragments of paper are no longer soggy and on the floor. Pj must have picked them up and thrown them away. Shows how much he thinks of me.

I don't answer him.

"Christopher, please. I don't know what to do! I just want to be together and have a perfect relationship! Please, Christopher! I'm begging you."

"Well, you should've thought about your 'perfect relationship' last night then, Pj. Before you were rude to me and hit one of my friends." I snap, whipping my music from my ears and glaring at the boy sitting cross-legged on the bed. "Because I don't care anymore! You don't own me and you certainly can't control what I can and can't do. Get that out of your fucking head and carry on begging. 'Cause you're gunna be at it for a while."

*

After moping around the corridors of the school I trudge my way through the reception, grasp the cold plastic of the pen and sign myself out of the school. The walk to the bus is not long. With the whipping against the bare skin of my arms coming out from the short sleeves of my t-shirt, I shiver. But I want to be cold. It makes me feel better. Dragging my feet to a stop at the bus station I lean against the freezing metal of the post and wait for the old green bus to pull along the road.
The clouds whiz past in the sky and I watch them intently until the familiar chugging of the rickety town bus becomes louder and eventually comes to a stop in front of me. Pulling myself up, I swing around the pole at the back and pay the ticket man who is on duty. Walking slowly forward I slam myself into the leather seats and stare sullenly at the trees and houses moving their way past as we cruise down the road.

*

Different snippets of different conversations roll past me as I meander my way through the shopping mall. Usually Calum and I would choose one conversation and carry it on, making it as crazy as possible and laughing hysterically when they turn out to be about acrobats trying to teach goats to paint or something stupid like that. That was just how Calum and I were. Were.

"But if I go then I can't go to the football match, and I-"

"There were raisins in it, so I had to take it back-"

"Did you see the skirt she was wearing- I mean it was totally-"

I found nothing of it amusing today. So I strolled my way into HMV, heading to the back. As the poster-holders creak with every turn I make, my eyes scan the printed picture briefly before flicking to the next one in the collection.

"Kendall? Well, I thought you would've been off in the woods with your little boyfriend... Roo-bum isn't it?"

My body tenses when I hear their voices and I turn around to see Oakley, Lincoln and Jonah standing before me, muscles tensed and jeans slung low around their hips. "It's Ruben, actually. And he is not my boyfriend."

"Whatever, Doofus." This time I attempt to get away, turning my body to the side and squeezing through the tiny gap between Lincoln and the CD's. "Do you think you're going somewhere, Idiot?" Jonah sneers, grabbing the neck of my shirt in his fist and yanking me back towards him. Now I regret coming to the far corner of the store. Oakley grabs hold of me, his blonde hair ruffled as he adjusts his snapback onto the back of his head. Rearranging his hands he manages to keep an unnoticeable grip on my body and he pushes me towards to exit of the shop, the others making it seem like we were all out shopping as group.

The cold air from outside the mall stings my eyes and the boys pull me into the alley way beside the centre. No one ever uses this pathway anymore. It's been abandoned for years, and covered in so much graffiti there is no trace of any brickwork left. Panic courses through my veins and rings alarm bells in my brain. I know I should be screaming. Fighting. Kicking them away. But I can muster no energy. Everything feels pointless.

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