Mingkit; To Begin Again

Nine

Meaningless. This wall he's staring, trying to entertain himself and draws lines with his eyes on it. Too white. Life isn't just black and white. It hasn't always been so he knows the life he lives at the moment isn't everything.

There's happiness, he remembers how that felt. But it feels such a distant memory. He has spent days in the closed ward after being diagnosed with clinical depression with high risk self harm. 

Somehow he felt relief, no need to try to keep his head up and act fine. He knew he was under surveillance all day and night so he felt safe from himself. Suddenly everyone seemed to be fine with Ming just sitting in silence and they knew why and didn't have to force advice. 

Medication started to mingle with his system. "It'll take it's own time to find a good balance, after we success on that you'll be transferred to a lighter ward with more freedom," the doctor had told him.

So slowly he realized he enjoyed small things in life. The good morning wish from a nurse, a warm shower, breakfast. All good things started to weight more than the bad. Even if some nights he still had his moments of emptiness and days he just couldn't get up. He had hope. 

And the person that brought him hope the most, who visited him every single day, Kit. He knew he is in debt for his life, he saved him. 

"How do you feel? There must be more freedom, you can go out and they won't stalk you around the clock," Kit smiles and nudges Ming's shoulder. He smiles a little.

"I'm not sure. I mean, not sure if I'm better enough to be there," Ming says and looks outside the window. Just last night he had a major breakdown. Of course, a day before being released. 

Anyhow the doctor said it's normal for patients to be stressed before the release and their well being might lower temporarily but it's not a reason to keep them locked up. Ming had just nodded.

They walk outside to wait for Ming's parents to pick him up for the transfer. They sit down on a bench surrounded with rose bushes. Kit reaches for Ming's hand.

Things have grown between them during the three weeks of hospitalization. It's no surprise as Kit went there for him everyday. Out of his own will, for his own sanity. He couldn't imagine leaving him alone without his heart aching. It was on him that Ming ended up there and he feared he would hate him for that. 

Even though nothing physical has happened between them, even a blind person could feel the feelings around them.

"What are you thinking?" Ming asks and looks at Kit's face. He shakes his head and smiles shyly. 

"I just feel privileged," Kit answers leaving Ming's mind wondering what it means. 

"Why?" he whispers. Kit sighs and looks around happily.

"For you to not pushing me away," he answers, smiling as he avoids Ming's eyes. 

Ming feels happy. Sitting here with Kit he feels happy. Without feeling guilty of that happiness.

"I think I'm the one who should feel privileged. For having someone like you here through this time and mostly bringing me hope. I don't take it lighthearted," Ming says still staring at Kit's face. He's so thankful and wishes he had something to offer too. Too bad he doesn't yet realize how much he gives to Kit just by being alive and happy.

"Ahh.. your parents are here, let's go!" Kit says and pulls Ming along. 

-- 

After around one month

The past month Ming realized that when you feel things, time passes faster. Suddenly all those moments when time felt frozen seem like a hazy memory. He doesn't recognize himself from those times. 

He is better. He is himself now. And he can't stop smiling and laughing.

And Kit can't stop himself from watching that beautiful smile. He knew he had to have this conversation sooner or later. He just had to be patient.

Ming scrolls his Instagram feed, listening to a recent song from the radio. Overall vibe is chill, Kit brings the coffee to the table. 

"Hey, why didn't you bring me a cinnamon roll too!?" Ming shouts as he sees Kit take a huge bite from one. Kit grins and shrugs his shoulders. "You didn't ask for one," he simply answers, still that evil grin on his face.

"You'll regret that," Ming murmurs and takes a sip of his coffee. Kit swallows and bites his lower lip, feeling nervous.

"Ming... do you remember the first time we met?" Kit asks and avoids the eye contact. Ming hums affirmative and leans his arms on the table. He remembers very well. 

"At Wayo's boyfriend's pool party," he thinks back. Kit rolls his eyes.

"They weren't together then." Kit finds it amusing how Pha ended up in a relationship with Ming's best friend. 

"Despite that, yeah I remember, why?" Ming looks at Kit, noticing his nervousness. 

Kit leans back on his chair and tries to find the words. "Umm.. we.. we made out then. We made out multiple times and then..." 

Ming nods and sighs. "Kit... I am sorry, I should've been better. To be honest, I don't recognize myself few months back," he says. But no, he doesn't regret a single thing. 

Kit shuts his mouth after looking at Ming in a state of shock for too long period. He's disappointed but doesn't know how to express it. "Right, okay."

"First time when I kissed you, not only was I drunk but also careless. I doubted I'll ever cross paths with you again. But that time in the dorm hallway, I knew you were something else," Ming says, not once looking away from Kit.

Kit looks into his eyes, smiling shyly. "What do you mean by that?"

Ming smiles too and closes his eyes, taking himself back to that time.

"I remember this noise inside my head, constantly there making me unable to think rationally. When you were there, every single time, that noise became bearable. This is one of the things I always wanted to thank you for," he reaches for Kit's hand and intertwines their fingers together. 

Kit takes a deep breath and nods. He's happy. 

Ming is happy. 

A/N: Sorry it took too long to update and that Ming's recovery seems hurried. Love you all!