Mr. Babydoll and the journals of his inner blizzard [peterick]

XXIV

The evening sun was beaming trough the thick glass windows of the coffee shop and only few costumers had enjoyed a warm coffee on this warm spring day. My gaze was glued to the clock, ticking silently on the wall. Only ten more minutes and my shift would be over. 2 and a half hours earlier than usual. Ten more minutes and then I'll be given the blessing of avoiding this environment.

Then the door opened and the doorbell sound rang trough the shop, choking the silence. Ryan walked in, his weird hipster hat tilted to the side. I sighed to myself. Of course I needed to have an encounter like this, nine minutes before my shift ends. The thought of possible drama strained my nerves.

He ordered a coffee to go and nervously fiddled around with his scarf while waiting for it. I know that judging people based on their clothes isn't fair, but his matched his personality perfectly. Something edged me to ask him about Brendon, since I haven't heard of that guy in a while, however another part of me told me to keep my damn mouth shut. Brendon would never leave anyone alone for such a long time, his absence made me suspicious.

While the coffee machine was doing its work with a loud roar, I quickly glimpsed at Ryan who was just kind of staring into the distance and the longer I analysed his face, the more I could decipher small things I hadn't noticed before. The circles under his eyes seemed to have gotten progressively darker since the last time I've seen him, his skin was immensely pale and his figure was frail in general. He was wearing a hat, however you could see some of his brown strands curl from underneath it, looking like they hadn't been groomed in a while. I saw this as proof that he was still in a bad place most likely without the sight of it getting better.

I handed him his coffee and he paid. It took me a second or two to realise that I didn't give him enough change, so I called him back as he was halfway trough the door. "Just keep it." he said with a tired gesture of refusal. "I don't mind." He was smiling, but his eyes looked so sad and desperate that I quickly had to swallow the lump in my throat before I replied "'K man." before I then walked into the kitchen to resist the urge to cry.
I made a mental note to get in contact with Brendon soon to find out if this decrease in Ryan's health might have even been his fault. I don't like thinking that way about a friend of mine, but the possibility had crossed my mind while watching Ryan earlier and it's not like Brendon hadn't done stupid shit before.

In the kitchen I bumped into Hayley who, in comparison to my last customer, didn't look any better. Her fiery hair built a huge contrast to her pale white face. She looked at me with her lightless hazel eyes which carried a glint of confusion in them. "Pete? I thought your shift was over?"

"I was...just checking if anything's alright back here. You know just in case you guys need help before I go..." The urge to break into tears had just stopped as I had stepped into the kitchen, but now as I saw Hayley standing in front of me, I felt this familiar pain in my eyes again, so I lowered my gaze. For the past few weeks, It felt as if I was being followed by a giant cloud stuffed with a gloomy sadness and it's not like that's new or anything, it's just that everyone around does too and so the foggy gloom hangs onto me until there's a giant grey weight on my shoulders. Maybe that sounds selfish of insensitive to everyone around me who's suffering a lot more. But that's just what it feels like.

"No, you're not giving a damn about that now. You'll better get your ass out of here and have the nice evening you deserve." Hayley replied and that's the one thing that didn't change about her. She still cared a lot more about the well being of others instead of her own. She didn't deserve any of this emotional baggage. For a second I was mad at Joe for just vanishing into thin air like that, but I had to remind myself that still no one really knew what happened to him. All of this just wasn't fair.