Chapter 8: (Don't) Break Everything

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Guess who got sucked into the Good Omens fandom

can i hear a wahoo

(I was supposed to publish this chapter a month and a half ago)

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Summary: Too many redheads, Tom breaks a plate, and even from VERY far away, somebody is still causing problems.


 Not even a moment after Dumbledore and Snape leave, their parents round on the twins, eyes blazing with unasked questions.

"If we didn't agree to what he already had planned," Harry sighed, "he would've kept going until we couldn't get out of it. You say no, and he tries something else."

"He wouldn't have left until we agreed. He'd already made the play-date before he'd come over," Danny added.

Lily sighed. "Yeah, you're right." She turned to address Harry instead, knowing that what Dumbledore did is done and over with. "So, opinions on the Weasleys?"

Harry thought back to his first life, best friends with Ron until the day he died. He took on a melancholy smile. "They were.. my family, at one point."

Lily knew that wasn't the end of the story. "And now?"

"And now they're strangers," Harry replied, voice carefully monotone. "Dumbledore trusts the Weasleys; he probably thinks that if we make friends with a light family, there's less of a chance Danny and I will go dark."

"He's suspicious of when you got kidnapped by Voldemort," Remus voiced, already knowing it was fact before he said it.

Harry nodded. "I was close with the Weasleys, especially Ron—he was my best friend our entire lives. But," He looked away, "I can't do it again. I just can't. He's not my Ron."

The Potters exchanged glances. Harry's thoughts were heading into dangerous territory again.

"What about Mrs. Weasley?" James tried next, steering the conversation away from where it was going.

Harry glanced over, snapping out of his thoughts, like he hadn't even noticed he was spiraling into depression again. "Mrs. Weasley? She mocked Sirius for being locked up in Azkaban."

The entire family lurched.

How DARE she.

Harry continued on, not even noticing. "She's an overbearing mother, to put it simply. Adopts kids whether they want it or not, then gets upset when they don't like how she does things. It took her years to stop trying to force Ginny and I to get married, despite the fact we were closer to siblings." He paused for a minute. "That's what happened with Sirius. She claimed that I was her kid, and Siri told her she was wrong. That I was James and Lily's kid. His kid. She retorted by saying that I was as good as her kid, because he wasn't there for my childhood, because he was in Azkaban."

(nonononono you don't get it- Harry is my kid- Harry is James and Lily's; Harry is our kid- He's my kid- not yours not yours notyoursnotyoursnotyours- Harry is my kid-)

The entire house was dead silent. How were they supposed to reply to finding out exactly what Harry's first life was like.

Finally, Sirius broke it, after almost two entire minutes. He licked his lips; they'd suddenly gone dry, along with his throat. "How... Why was I in Azkaban?"

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