The Fall of The Great ChilledChaos

Chapter 4

Minx spent her nights looking up at the wall, avoiding sleep as the dreams, the nightmares were plaguing her, bitter sweet memories and broken promises…

Minxy, the voice said, HIS voice said, Minxy… why didn’t you listen to me, Minxy?

Minxy why didn’t you trust me? Minxy we were the best team, everyone said so…

Minxy you slut, you betrayed me…

You unleashed the true chaos…

Every night the voice would whisper in Minx’s dreams, stirring up her darkest thoughts and memories. Minx tried to fight it, but she wanted to hear his voice. But, what it said was not the words of Chilled; they were her words, her thoughts. She was being destroyed by her own demons, and she wanted them to win.

Minx took a break from recording, from YouTube. She didn’t want to, but she couldn’t play a game without imagining Anthony’s laugh or jokes about Martha or Cheryl or about her… Every time she went to log onto her computer, she broke down in tears.

“Chilled, you idiot. Come back, don’t leave me like this.”

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On the other side of the ocean, Smarty ignored his phone abandoned in the corner of the room. It seemed like it hadn’t stopped buzzing since Anthony….

John lay sniffling facing a small, torn photograph. In the photograph were four happy, cheerful faces, arms linked together and laughing at a joke. It was Ze, Chilled, GaLm and Smarty, from PAX 2013. Smarty looked at the picture and a tsunami of memories swept over him. All those hours of happiness, all the conversations, all the laughs and jokes and joys… His emotions were everywhere. He remembered the night he and Chilled fell out, now it felt stupid and petty that they’d fallen out at all… now Chilled was gone…

He remembered some of the things Chilled had drunkenly shouted at him on that awful night,

“John, you don’t get it, do you? We only let you in the Derp Crew because we felt sorry for you. Poor TehSmarticus, all alone in the big world of YouTube… we should have let you rot you filthy, lying, ungrateful little sh*t! … The world would be better without you, Smarty; all you’ve caused is sorrow…”

 John blamed himself. He thought himself responsible for the death of his dear friend but he could not get a reason how… unless… oh god…

Everything became too much and Smarty’s resolve crumbled, the tears over spilled onto his red cheeks and he let out an angry scream before slamming his head into his pillow. He couldn’t breathe but he didn’t care... Part of him, in this moment, wanted to die. He was convulsing violently with pain, unclear thoughts torturing his mind until he had no choice but to stop listening to his mind all together. Before he knew it, he had the blade in his hand. “NO” a voice deep within him screamed, “DON’T DO IT, PLEASE, SMARTY DON’T DO IT, PLEASE BUDDY NO” The voice was Chilled’s. Smarty heard the voice but couldn’t listen to it, the guilt was too much, Chilled… his friend… gone…. because of him… Scarlet tears trickled slowly from John’s forearm as his hands shook uncontrollably-

“SMARTY?! JOHN ARE YOU OKAY?! WHERE ARE YOU?”

This voice was not from inside him, it was very much real and coming from just outside his flat, it was Tom Fawkes. Quickly, Smarty barricaded his bedroom door with a chair and continued to face his demons one by one with a lifeless piece of metal.

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Tom had never driven so fast in his life (he hoped he had managed to stay within speed limits mostly, but he had more important things on his mind). Smarty hadn’t answered his phone in two days, and Smarty ALWAYS answered his phone, no matter what.

 He decided to go to Smarty’s flat- thank god he happened to be in the area. Once he arrived there, he stood before the red, wooden door and listened; he heard movement within and….crying? He got anxious and knocked- no reply.  He shouted and heard a sound from within the flat but still no reply. Dammit Smarty… not now. Tom thought fast, how could he get into the flat? It was then he noticed a tiny, camouflaged box at the base of the door. Tom opened it and a small apartment key was inside, Smarty’s spare. Oh what a Smarty thing to do, but still fortunate for Tom.

He used the key and entered the small, messy flat and looked around for signs of John. The television was playing pointlessly in the corner, emitting a dim light but was muted. There were several plates stacked up by the kitchen sink but no attempt had been made to clean them. The air smelt musty and unclean. The moon peered in through the window like a curious child. In the corner was a small Mario figurine and a lump formed in Tom's throat when he saw the little, red hat. Keep it together, Tom, he thought, Keep it together for Smarty. Tom noticed Smarty’s bedroom door was shut and listened carefully, he could hear small, short gasps and sobs coming from the room.  He approached the door, unsure of what he would find but he needed to help his friend. He pushed but it didn’t budge- it was barricaded from within.

“JOHN?! PLEASE JOHN IT’S ME, LET ME IN!” Tom begged, very scared now. He banged on the door furiously, screaming at the top of his lungs. He needed to get in there before Smarty did something stupid.

He started to slam the door with his shoulder and tried to get it to move, c’mon…c’mon! Suddenly the door burst open and Tom was struck with horror at the scene that lay within the bedroom. Hunched over and pale, his dear friend, John, his face in a grimace and his arm wearing a sleeve of red. He looked like he hadn't left his room for days. Had he eaten at all? Tom's mind started swirling with wild worries.

“John..” the ginger gasped before running towards his friend and ripping the blade from his hands, He didn’t know what to do and he found himself hugging Smarty tight but Smarty seemed oblivious to Tom’s presence, he just stared at the wall, tears running down his face. Tom cleaned up Smarty’s arm and got him some food, unsure of what to really do. Tom waited around and watched Smarty whilst clearing up the mess around him. The yellow sheets of Smarty's bed were now decorated with a pattern of deep scarlet but Tom  left that issue, John needed to be helped primarily.  Tom tried to get Smarty to go to hospital but he just sat there silently and Tom eventually gave up.

 It was maybe an hour or two until John finally spoke:

“…Tom…” John croakily whispered.

“Yes, Smarty. I’m here. I’ll help you, Smarty; we can get through this together.”

“Can… Can I ask you a question, Tom?” Smarty’s voice caught at the end.

“Of course, John, anything.” Tom tried to sound reassuring.

“Do you think he…Anthony… killed himself? Do you think he killed himself because of what I did to him?”

The question caught Tom off guard. Did Smarty think Chilled was dead because of him? Of course not… Chilled was hit by a truck, there was no way it could be Smarty’s fault…

…But then again…

The last time Tom had seen Chilled, Chilled was sad and still very angry at Smarty. He had been sure his reputation was ruined because of all the things that had been said about him. Tom had tried to tell him that people were not as angry as Chilled thought but Anthony would not listen. He remembered Chilled even denting his wall by punching it in anger... But Chilled was the happy one, right? There was no way Chilled intentionally walked out in front of the truck…was there?  Tom shook the idea of it from his mind, no; it was a terrible accident, nothing more. And even… even if he did it on purpose, it would not have been Smarty’s fault, surely not.

Bewildered by this new idea, Tom took a moment to think before replying.

“Smarty, what happened to Chilled was a terrible accident and we will all need time to readjust and move on. It is no one’s fault, awful things happen, and we need to accept these things. Anthony will be in our hearts forever and he knew how much we loved him, I assure you, he did. I promise, buddy, we can do this together, just please don’t blame yourself, none of this is your fault…”

Smarty laid back down silently and closed his eyes.

“Thank you, Tom.”