14 ways to know you're in love

epilogue

I've listed everything I can think of that leads to the fact that I'm in love with him... there could be so much more.

It's a terrifying thing if I were to be honest. I thought love was fast; it would hit you out of nowhere like a stray ball in the field. But this was slow; it took it's time, weaved itself in little things so inconspicuously that it felt normal. It was when I noticed it did it began to bare its teeth, sinking its claws and holding tight with a vice grip to ensure its place on me.

Unnoticed. Unavoidable. Unforgettable.

It's staked its claim and I can only hope it weakens in time.

The only other solution is to let it control me. Let it consume every word and action. The reward is uncertain, but often times, I found it tempting; those times it would present itself on a silver platter. I'd find myself reaching out to it, only to retract my hand in paranoia at the sight of a thorn.

Maybe he prefers roses; and I'm certainly not one.

I've made my decision that night and it's proven to be a painfully difficult one. It's been nearly a month, I've endured so much.

It's pathetic to give in now, right?

-

Jaehyun knows this was wrong, but he wanted to surprise you like you did for him. He knows he couldn't beat you; you gave him a puppy! How could he top that? He's thought about your gift thoroughly and pooled enough money to get you a new camera for you to use during the photography classes you told him about before.

So here he was, snooping around your room to look for a good place to hide it after your mom let him in. She had her run errands to buy him some time, but he had no fucking clue where. He stared at your desk, deeming it too risky to hide it there. He doubts you check under the bed often so that's the best option he has, probably pull it out when he's ready to give it to you.

Jaehyun drops to the floor, pushing your draped sheets away to give him a better view. It's surprisingly clean - well, cleaner than he assumed. Just a few stray writing instruments, a shoebox, and - is that a bra?

He shoots up to his knees as if it was contagious. He exhales, almost annoyed at how he can feel himself getting hot for recognizing the lacy fabric, but he shakes his head to derail the thought. He lies back down and ignores the brassiere, pulling out the shoebox from beneath to inspect it.

Scrawled onto the top was the unmistakable penmanship of Kang Yebin - it still boggles Jaehyun how you and Minkyung were friends with her - and it read, 'Learn to love yourself, XOXO YB' He takes back what he says, maybe he's read Yebin's brash and loud nature wrongly. He didn't think any harm would be done if he takes a peek, right? It would probably be something like crystals or self-love books.

Oh, he was so wrong. It didn't register at first what the elongated object was; it looked like a bigger version of a bullet. He only realized what it was when he tries to pick it up and it starts to vibrate. He can feel his face on fire as he tries to switch it off, pushing away the thoughts if you had used it or not - but all he can hope it was some crude joke Yebin pulled on her. Once it was off, he gently place it back in the box and closes it with a heavy breath.

"It's not too late to learn new things about someone." He grumbles, clearing his throat. He pushes the box back in and sits back up, eyeing the space of your bed that's flushed against your side table. It barely gets even a sliver of light and he's hoping the shadow would be dark enough to conceal his gift. He jams his gift there and hopes for the best.

Rising back up to his feet, he looks back to your desk where you kept a photo of your family and a photo of the two of you tacked on the small cork board you had on a mini easel along with other paper memorabilia like tickets and receipts. He remembers when the photo of you were taken: it was his last day in Korea before they temporarily moved to America.

He feels himself blush at the one key point of the memory. Before he left, he made a promise that you seemed to forget and maybe that was for the better because it would have been incredibly embarrassing if you had.

"I'll come back from America, and when I do, I'll marry you!"

It was such a bold statement for a four year old.

His phone vibrates in his pocket, giving him a small fright. It was only Jangmi, asking about your gift. As he types a reply, he notices a drawer slightly open and something in his gut told him to check it out. He's already seen what he can label the worse beneath your bed - unless it's a box of condoms, even worse if it's nearly empty. He huffs at himself for even thinking about you that way, prying the drawer open.

Jaehyun recognizes the journals piled up; he's seen you fill them up for years. He can even make out the first journal he's gotten you near the bottom of the pile. As he was just about to close it, he notices something odd - odd, in terms of it being unfamiliar to him.

He wrestles it out of the weight of the journals on top of it and puts it on top of the desk. It was brown and thin, unlike the rest that varied colors and were at least an inch thick in width. He flips open to the first page and reads, 'My physics teacher is driving me insane.' and it continues to go on about their teacher.

He flips to another page and it talked about the day her parents fought and words like divorce and cheating came about. He remembers that day; he was so concerned when he heard shouting that he wanted to check up on you, but you weren't responding to his messages. He luckily caught you outside before he dragged you to his room and drowned out the screaming with music. He's glad it was a false alarm, just her parents getting too heated and careless with their words. On the notebook, you went on to write about how they sat you down and apologized for their behavior. From how some of the inked words bled, he could tell you were crying when you wrote it.

As he continues to flip through the pages, he's starting to understand the purpose of the notebook. It was merely a diary where you can write out your thoughts. You didn't care for mistakes or calligraphy, or tapes or photos. You just wanted to get it off your chest.

Jaehyun sighs, feeling a little guilty he went through your personal thoughts and proceed to close it until he catches a sentence he thought he misread. He returns to the page and reads it once, twice, until he's sure he's not making it up.

'I think I'm in love with Jaehyun'

He's staring hard at it as he restrains himself from reading further because he knows this was wrong. His heart is beating so hard, he thinks it could jump right out of his chest. Without another thought, he continues to read.

'... I've endured so much. It's pathetic to give in now, right?'

Jaehyun knows this is wrong. This isn't why he went into her room, but the hours your mom bought for him to find a good hiding spot for his gift was used to read through her private journal - specifically to read about pages after pages on how you were in love with him. He couldn't process this properly. He closes the notebook and puts it back right where he got it, making sure it seemed it hadn't moved an inch.

When he closes the drawer, he picks up his phone and dialed a number.

"Jangmi? Jangmi, you were right." He breathes, running a hand through his hair. "She's in love with m-me... she has feelings for me. What do I do?"

He finds himself gawking at your photo and being reminded of the one thing he can remember from that day, "Jang, how do I tell her I love her back?"

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14 ways to tell them you love them too >> 
*to be uploaded here soon; already up on my tumblr