The night was cold but I was sweating in bed as the ceiling fan spun on high. It wasn't that late, only 10:55. The night before I hardly slept. Only three hours.
I turn over in bed trying to get comfortable. I want to text him. I have his number. I have him on Instagram. Why can't I do it? Is that even a question?
He doesn't care. He doesn't care that I can't sleep at night. He doesn't care that I'm failing. He doesn't care to notice that I'm depressed. He doesn't care to see the hits I throw.
Maybe I just need to grow up. I need to understand that the fantasies I create in my head of him holding me in the night. Of him teaching to play his favorite video games because no matter how hard I try I suck. Of him texting me unexpectedly. Of us binge watching Animes.
Instead I just replay moments I've caught him staring with a smile-though it's hardly ever. When he taps my shoulder making my heart leap out of my chest. When I make him laugh. Or our legs brush together. How we always have to sit by each other.
What crosses his mind when he hears my name?
Does he get happy?
Does his heart pound out of his chest?
Does he think of me?
Does it anger him?
Sadden?
Worry?
Is it obvious I lik-I'm in love with him? Is it obvious that I hope to have him over my house or go to his. Is it obvious that I have this weird fantasy of cooking with him.
My phone buzzes startling new from my thinking.
2 new message
Hey Hyung...
Are you sleep yet?
No
Just thinking
Of?
You?/
You/
Yo/
Y/
School
All the deadlines are the 20th
Well, you have 20 more days I
Believe in you
Fighting!!
I'm go to bed now
I'm suddenly sleepy
Don't worry to much
It causes stress
Stress can kill
I'm not ready for you to die
Thanks kid
Get some sleep
Sorry if this one wasn't good.
It was late and I couldn't sleep so I just wrote down my thoughts and took a conversation I had with my crush and changed it a bit. Everything thought and memory is real here if you were wondering...bye
