Brooklyn Nine-Nine: Elf-dorian Justice

Act II

EXT. PARKING LOT - NOON.

Jake stands beside his car in a lot full of vehicles. LARPERS wander by in the distance. A BARBARIAN waves at Jake as he walks away. Jake waves back.

JAKE: Thanks Burtak the Mutilator!

Terry and Holt approach.

TERRY: We made it.

JAKE: Alright, Killdozer told me the King and his Guards are the ones making and storing the meth. They keep it in a secret royal treasury, and the king is the only one who knows where it is. The DEA raided here a few months back and they couldn't find the stash, so we have to get close to the King until he slips up.

TERRY: I'm ready for some villainy... Well, fake villainy. Being a real villain makes me feel icky.

HOLT: I'm prepared for moderate to severe roleplaying.

JAKE: Prepare to get ultra-severe, because these guys are intense. We can't break character ever or they'll know something is up.

HOLT: Unless we place a fist on top of our head, then we can speak as ourselves as per the rules.

JAKE: Sure... Terry, your costume's in the trunk.

TERRY: You got my measurements?

JAKE: Yeah. You are really big. Is it possible for your heart to just explode?

Terry takes a giant box out of Jake's trunk.

TERRY: Don't worry. Heart health is Terry's number one priority. Let's suit up.

JAKE: Could we all do it separately so we get to do a slo-mo reveal?

Terry and Holt look at each other, then turn to Jake.

HOLT & TERRY: (simultaneously) Agreed.

INT. THE BULLPEN - SIMULTANEOUSLY.

Scully, Hitchcock, Rosa and Amy work at their desks. Gina grabs a snack from the fridge and closes the fridge door.

GINA: AAAAGH!

Inches from her face is CHARLES'S FACE ON THE IPAD!

CHARLES: Gina!

GINA: Damn it Charles! Who turned the iPad back on?!

CHARLES: Scully did, he thought I was a vending machine. Did you find the Witch Doctor?

GINA: Quick question, are you good at steering this thing?

CHARLES: Oh no, this screen and wheel design is terrible.

GINA: Great! She's across the street on the third story of that building with no elevator. But she'll only make the soup if you describe your love for Nikolaj to her.

CHARLES: AMAZING! I'll be there right away!

Charles remotely turns the Segway around and it drives clumsily down the hallway. Gina dashes over to Amy and Rosa.

GINA: Charles is getting desperate, but I think I bought us 4 to 6 hours.

Amy hangs up her desk phone.

AMY: I've got nothing.

ROSA: Whoever picked up the Witch Doctor hasn't filed their paperwork.