A life without smiles

Note 1

     The door slammed shut, I slowly twisted the knob and locked it. I'm safe. No one can see or hear me when I'm in here. No one can ask me if I'm okay. My eyes started to tear up, and before I know it, there were two little waterfalls coming down my eyes, no matter how hard I tried to prevent those waterfalls from coming down, it just wouldn't stop. This, has gone on for 7 years.

     "Eve! It's time for school, wake up!" Mom shouted. I woke up, frustrated. Everyday, I would do the same things over again, what's the point of waking up when there's nothing to look forward to? A single tear dropped from my eyes. I told myself that I was fine, and carried on. I picked myself off my bed, and carried myself over to the bathroom, just like how I would usually.

       As I walked to school, I smiled at my friends putting my fake face on for the rest of the day. Pretending to be so happy when I'm feeling so empty and hopeless.
"Eve! My girl! Whatcha got on the test?"
Sharon took one look at my face and quickly noticed that I've gotten a low grade. Sharon frowned.
"Hey! Cheer up! It's just a grade, it's not a big deal!"
I sighed and glanced over at Sharon's test results.
And what was it? As expected from an A+ student... I quickly found myself criticizing myself. Repeating to myself that I'm a failure and that I'm a disappointment to my family.
Sharon noticed that I still wasn't feeling better.
"Hey... if there's something bothering you, you know that I'm here for you right? I'll always be available for you. Text me whenever." Sharon gave a slight smile that seemed so fake that even I cringed a bit.
"Hey, I'm gonna go head to the bathroom real quick. I'll be back soon, I'll see you at lunch." I put on the brightest smile I could ever make, and left quickly. Before I know it, tears were dripping down my eyes again. I shouted, "What the fuck is wrong with me? I can't even fucking take these petty little emotions? Why am I being so fucking short-tempered?!" I ran to the bathroom and locked myself in the stall and sat on the toilet, I whispered to myself quietly, "I want to be happy. I really do... but I've tried many ways, but those ways never seem to work" It seemed like every second, came a tear. Every minute dropped sixteen tears; — after exactly one hundred and twenty-five tears, I somehow calmed myself down and realized that I was going to be considered truant if I didn't head to class right away. And so I did what I needed to do and got my ass back up.

     "Eve! Where the hell have you been do you realize that I've been looking for you for hours do you—" She took one look at my face and knew that I wasn't feeling myself, but what did she do about it you ask?
"Cheer up! There's really nothing to be so depressed about. Listen, you have a life and you should make the best out of it." I walked away from her, at that point, I didn't even care if she wasn't my friend anymore. I didn't care about anything. I just needed some time to myself to think— time for myself to rejuvenate.

     The clock ticked, every minute that passed, was a minute wasted. Once school was out, I sighed. I got in the car, and looked out the window.
"Eve, how was school today? Was it nice? Did you learn anything interesting?" I didn't reply, I was too deep-in-thought that I didn't even hear anything at all. She repeated, this time her tone and voice both grew louder.
"Eve. Were you even listening? Let me repeat myself again. How was school?"
"It was great" I sighed quietly.

"Oh well that's nice! What did you learn today?"
"Nothing." I said in an annoyed tone.
"Then why'd you go to school? You should've stayed home if you learned nothing. Is there a problem? Do you want to talk about it?"
"No." I answered coldly.
"Listen. I've really had enough of you giving me one-word answers. Do you really think that your the only person who has the most stress? Did you ever think about me?"
I stayed quiet for the rest of the car ride, knowing that I was wrong. I know that I needed to apologize. But one part of me disagreed to that. I knew that it wasn't right for me to give her attitude just because I'm feeling a certain way. But I just can't get myself to apologize to her.

     Once we got out of the car, I rushed to my room, and locked my door.