A life without smiles

Note 2

I'm safe again. But why is it that this time, I feel so empty? So useless? I feel like there's no point in living. I've tried my best to live my life, but all there is in return are burdens that I give to other people. I feel so guilty. When I was younger, there was not a thing that I was afraid of. But now that I'm older — this society isn't what I thought of. It wasn't the world that I dreamed of. People in this world kill, insult, criticize, bully and so many other things. But somehow the victims get through it. So why can't I?

The phone rings. It was Sharon. Should I pick it up or should I leave it ringing?

The ringing from the phone was so fucking annoying that I picked up. I tried to hold in all my anger and tears, I pretended that I was okay.
"Hey Sharon — what's up?" I put the phone away from me, letting myself let out one single tear.
"Hey... I called you because I was worried about you. I didn't see you at lunch today. Is everything alright?" I sighed.
"Everything is fine, Sharon. You don't need to worry about me. After all, you have other things to worry about like homework"
She laughed.
"Yeah that's true, but just know that I'm always going to be here for you. Everyday, every minute."
"Thank you. I'm going to hang up now, I'm busy."
"Alright then, call me if something wrong or if you want to talk about something!"
I hung up.
After a few seconds of hanging up, my tears started dripping down my cheeks. I felt so... useless. Nothing was right in my life. Everything seemed like it was so — fake?

Suddenly, I felt the urge to grab something sharp and carve myself. I know that urge wasn't right. But it was like a craving. Something that you can't just avoid — I was so tempted to. But I tried to control myself. I couldn't take it anymore. I had to.

So I grabbed my blue scissors, and stabbed it in my arm, creating what seemed like lines. It hurt. But I got pleasure out of it, I got what I deserved. Pain.