Submitting to Him

Chapter 19

New Beginnings
"'Cause I'm doin' good right now
I don't wanna lose myself
I'm doin' good right now
And you calling doesn't help
'Cause I'm doin' good right now"
I'm doin good -Kat Dahlia

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A year later...
When everything was going great, the thought of it ending never crosses a persons mind.
I ran my fingers through Mateo's hair as he laid on my chest. I looked up at his ceiling not letting my eyes wonder to the boxes sitting on his floor. The sun that peaked through the gaps of the curtains didn't look as bright anymore. Mateos arms wrapped around my frame and his head on my breast as he slept through the morning was perfect. Underneath his comforter keeping up warm from the cold reality was a place that I never wanted to leave. I looked down at him and admired how calm he looked as he slept. The creases in his forehead weren't visible, but I was so close to him I could see the faint lines of them forming. My index finger ran from his temple down to his high cheekbones and reached his jawline.
Mateo stirred and let out a deep groan, "Hm, good morning mi amor (my love)." He kissed my chest, tightened his grip around me and flipped us over.
I giggled and laid on his chest. "Quiero quedarme aquí todo el día contigo. (I want to stay here all day with you.)"
Mateo's hand ran up and down my back and I kissed his neck lightly.
"Lo que tú quieras mi amor. (Whatever you want my love.)" Mateo murmured and pulled me up to kiss me.
I straddled him and bit my lip as I teased him and felt him grow beneath me.
"I love you Sofia, con todo mi corazon (with all my heart)." Mateo said in a breathy whisper like a secret confession.
"Miss, Miss, you're next. You can move up now." The cashier woman kept calling me up.
I could feel the older woman behind me glaring at me impatiently huffing and puffing. I blinked a few times and realized I was next in line at Target. I said sorry and pushed my cart up and placed my things on the convertor belt. Once the cashier scanned everything and put them in bags, I quickly placed my things back in my cart and paid.  I sighed and pushed my cart back out to the parking lot and to my car where I placed my groceries in my trunk.
Families were moving in and out of cars. Children running up to the store. I watched them as they giggled and laughed with not a care in the world. Children running with their small cute outfits and chubby cheeks. A small girl waiting behind her mom and dad made eye contact with me and smiled. I smiled back and waved before I closed my trunk and got inside my cart. In the rearview mirror, I noticed how the father turned around and picked up his little girl. How she giggled and clung to him as he swung her around and then held her in his arms with the mother admiring from the side. A whole family.
I closed my eyes and leaned back into my seat and a tear escaped the corner of my eye. I remembered everything up until the day that he left me. We were on borrowed time and we had both known it. The month that we were given from the moment he was promoted CEO was incredible. Before he left, he did leave the deed of his loft building to me. He paid the contractors to finish it completely and a building manager to do everything for me, for the most part. All I did was receive the profits. He didn't ask me at all, but simply mailed me the deed and a letter to my apartment. He left me to run a billion dollar tech company, and in a logical scenes I couldn't blame him, even on my worst day. He had asked me to go with him, but we both knew I wasn't that kind of woman. A woman that gave everything she worked for up for a man. I loved myself more than him while some may have thought that to be selfish, I thought it to be self preserving. I sniffled and wiped away my silent tears that covered my cheeks.
I took a deep breathe and straightened out my rearview mirror. In my rearview mirror I caught sight of the empty yellow car seat. A yellow car seat that belonged to my beautiful baby girl, Mia, a last goodbye gift from Mateo. Warmth spread through my chest at the thought of the wonderful baby I held in my arms everyday. Although, I loved Mateo with all might heart a party of me hated him for not being a part of her life. It wasn't as if I didn't try and let him know. I had sent him a letter with my first sonogram photo to his new apartment two months after he left when I found out. I never heard a word back.
Bing bing, my phone chirped.
I sighed and unlocked my phone to see a text from Alex.
Alex: Did you get the right food this time?
I smiled and rolled my eyes before I typed a quick yes. I remembered how i picked the wrong flavored items.
I started the car and began my way home. My new home that was big enough for my little family. When I found out I was pregnant, Elena had just recently gotten engaged and Alex had decided to move in with Luca. In the last year, Luca had actually been signed to a recording company, and we were all ecstatic for him as his dreams came true. Even if my life seemed to be in shambles, it kept moving. I used my savings and new salary to find my own apartment from becoming a manager at another one of Scott's more high end restaurants. It had taken me a while , but I eventually found a great beautiful two bedroom condominium just on the outskirts of downtown.
After I left the car parked in the buildings garage I grabbed my things and made my way over to the elevator and pressed the button for my floor, 16. I leaned against the elevator wall and watched the elevator number rise. When it reached my floor, I grabbed my grocery bags and walked over to my door. I shifted all of my bags to one hand and fumbled for my keys in the other. I put the key in the lock and before I could have turned it, someone on the other side opened it for me.
"Hola hermosa," Adam, my boyfriend, opened the door and gave me quick kiss before taking the bags out of my hands and quickly held a hand up before he said, "before you saying anything, I need you stay calm and remember that no matter what happens I will be with you through it all like always. Alex is also inside with Luca." Adam held my hand and brought me inside.
I closed the door behind me and placed my keys and coat on the entrance table, and Adam quickly into the kitchen and placed the groceries on the kitchen table . My apartment began with a long corridor that lead to a variety of rooms. To left is the kitchen and dining room. Further down to the left is the bathroom that connects to my room which is the thirds door down on the left. Across from the kitchen was the living room. Further down to the right was my daughter's room. Then to the very end of the corridor is a sun room that has wrap around balcony, and glass windows around it.
I made my way to the large doorway of the living room where I saw Alex being consoled by Luca sitting on my couch with two officers standing on the other side of the coffee table.
My heart dropped, "W-what happened? Where's Mia" I turned around and looked for Adam.
Adam saw my distress and quickly walked over to me from the kitchen counter. He took my hand in his and said, "Mia is safe and sleeping in her crib. Let's sit down, querida."
Everything else happened in a blur. The first cop with a beard spoke, Detective Ramirez, and said that Levi had escaped from prison. In my mind, the memories of Levi yelling at Lia at the club, then us running into the office, Levi banging on the door and threatening to hurt us. Lastly my mind settled on Alex in the hospital. Adam unsuccessfully  tried to sooth me by rubbing my back with his hand as we both sat on the loveseat next to Alex and Luca. The beating of my heart drowned out the voices of the detectives. I had to remind myself to regulate my breathing before I had a full blown panic attack. The only thing that I remembered before Adam escorted the police out was that they were going have a car parked in front of my building to make sure I was safe.
"Sofia, Sofia are you okay?" Luca asked me and kicked me out of my thoughts.
"No of course not. Levi pleated guilty and we all moved on with our lives." I sighed and got up from my seat.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After I let myself relax, I had invited Elena and Oscar to join us to celebrate the beginning of Oscars Construction company and the return of Luca. We all stayed in contact with one another, but we had been so busy to come together.
Alex, Elena, and I were sitting on the sofa in the living room watching  Netflix while the guys were in the kitchen giving all their attention to Mia, whose giggles could be heard all over the apartment. Adam walked into the living room with Mia  in his arms clinging to his neck. I watched as Adam sat down in the lazy boy with her in his arms and tried to lull her back to sleep by rocking her back and forth in his arms.
"It's amazing how good he is with her, "Alex whispered to me as we admired him with my four month year old. "Soon she's gonna call him dad before she calls you mom." She snickered.
Then it struck me that she would always picture Adam as her father and not Mateo and I hated him a little more for taking that opportunity away from Mia.
"Oscar's already been talking about kids." Elena groaned and shook her head, and Alexed "whoo'd" at her.
I snickered and lightly, jabbed Alex with my elbow, and started to giggle when I saw Luca come into the room and making silly faces to my daughter.
"Be careful there. Luca might give up his music career and try to get you pregnant," I whispered and continued to watch as Adam and Luca and Oscar cued at my daughter.
As I watched the men hover over my daughters in Luca's arms, Adam quickly caught my eyes sent me a quick wink and smirk before he turned his attention back to Mia. That wink took me back to when Adam and I reconnected months ago when I was only two months pregnant. A  good college friend invited Alex, Elena, and I to party at her apartment. At first I hadn't wanted to leave the house, but of course I didn't have a choice.  Alex and Elena practically dragged me out the house, especially since my morning sickness wasn't acting up that day and took it as a sign. I had come out from bathroom and rejoined my group when I noticed a new face. At first I didn't recognize Adam because in college he was leaner, and had a boyish charm but this time he had matured into a handsome, muscular detective.
"Sofia, do you remember Adam from college?" Alex said and introduced me when she caught me openly staring at him.
Adam caught my eyes, stepped up to me and spoke before I could, with a heartbreaking smile, "It's been such a long time and yet you look as gorgeous as ever." I noticed his voice had grown deeper than I remembered.
I blushed deeply and smiled up at him, "Thank you Adam. You're still as sweat as ever. How have been lately?
We pulled each other for a quick hug and kiss on the cheek before Adam said, "Bien, bien. Soy un detective de CPD ¿Como ha estado?" (Good, good. I am a detective for CPD. How have you been?)
"Que bueno me alegro por ti! (Thats good, I'm happy for you!) I manage a restaurant downtown that recently opened a few months ago." I said proudly.
When I told Scott I was pregnant, he said I could become a manager at a new restaurant he was opening that was more fine dining than night club. The new restaurants had more reasonable hours for a soon to be mother.
The rest of the party we never really left each others sides and kept talking the whole time.
I distinctly remembered the butterflies in my chest when we met. A feeling I hadn't felt since...Mateo.
Mia's cries brought me back to the present, grabbed her from Luca, who was freaking out, and rocked her in my arms on our way to the kitchen. In my arms her tears stopped, and I nuzzled her into the crook of my neck. While I was warming her milk, Luca came into the kitchen.
"Hey,  can you do me a favor and poor the warm milk into her bottle please while I hold her?" I asked him and smiled as he did so while I shifted Mia in my arms so I could feed her.
He handed me the bottle. Mia immediately attached her small hands around it and held it in place as soon as I placed the rubber nipple at her lips. I watched cautiously as she vigorously drank the bottle and watched as her big brown eyes darted all over the room.
"Sofia, I actually came in here to talk to you about something that happened in New York," Luca said.
I said the first thing that came to mind, "Did Alex almost kill another groupie?" I giggled.
Luca let out a small chuckle and paused before he said, " I ran into Mateo, and I was so upset with him because I saw him living his life all while you were here with Mia, being a great mom." He paused to see my reaction, but I froze in my spot. "I was meeting my manager at restaurant, and I spotted him a few tables away. Without thinking I went up to him and told him off about not being in Mia's life. The only thing I got from him was confusion. Sofia, he swears on his life that he had no idea about Mia." He paused and pulled out a business card form his jean pocket, and handed it to me, "He says he's giving you three days to call him before comes to find you."
I didn't say anything, but I simply took the card and held it in my hand.
"I'm sorry, but by the look on his face I think he was telling the truth." Luca said and stayed for a while to see if I would say anything.
However, with my heart beating so loudly in my ears I didn't think I could. When I didn't say thing, Luca went back to the living room to join everyone else. It took me a moment to gain control of myself, but I eventually moved and rushed over to Mia's room. I placed her in her crib where she happily laid and drank her bottle. I paced around the room and stared at Mateo business card with his number on the blank side.  Without thinking, I quickly pulled out my phone and dialed the number. The only issue was that I lost my nerve when it came down to pressing the call button. I stood there staring at it as my anxiety taunted me about what would happen if I pressed it.
"Come one Sofia!" I encouraged myself before I quickly pressed the button.
Ring...ring...ring... "Hello?" There it was the voice that I heard in my dreams.
I gasped lightly and my heart nearly hummed out of my chest, "M-mateo...?"
Over the phone I thought I heard him suck in his breath before he asked, "Sofia is that you?"
"Luca told me what happened. I can't believe you said you had you no idea that Mia was your daughter. I personally sent the letter to your new address, Mateo." This is where the pain came, "And... and you still chose not to be apart of her life. I didn't  want anything from you then, nor do I want you in our lives now. I needed to be your first priority, but that didn't matter to you. Ever since that I didn't want to hear from you again. You can go on with your life like you have been for the last year. I don't want to hear from you again. But ... maybe when Mia wants to know I'll her your way. Goodbye Mateo." I kept my voice strong but when I hung up my voice cracked and my heart broke.