Not Today

XI

DO NOT READ IF SUICIDE AND SELF HARM CAN TRIGGER YOU!

Draco's POV

After the whole eating disorder epidemic, me and Harry went to go find Hermione and Ron. Everything felt awkward now. I felt exposed, I wanted to go back to yesterday, I wasn't so exposed. I just wanted to be skinny and not have problems.

I fucking hate myself, I just want to die. But I just can't, not today. But you should, Harry Hates you, Hermione and Ron don't give a shit. Your fat and ugly, you should definitely kill yourself. I was having an internal battle with myself, I knew what the voice was saying wasn't true but I also believed it, and I wanted to die now. I am ready, I really am.

"Draco!" I hear someone yell. I jumped and looked at Harry who was looking at me. "Yeah?" I asked him. "You weren't answering you zoned out, are you okay?" He asked concerned. "Yeah I'm fine, I just want a nap though." I lied.

"Well do you want to go to your dorm and I can come with you or do you just wanna go alone?" He asked me. "I'll be fine alone, go hang out with Ron and Hermione, you guys haven't had time to talk alone and stuff so go ahead." I replied, making it sound believable.

He looked at me worried before it disappeared off his face and he kissed me on the lips and walked away. I started to walk to the Slytherin dorms. I had to search for something that could end it. Anything.

As I was walking I was thinking of anything I could kill my self with, slashing my wrists wouldn't be quick enough. Then I remembered I had a big bottle of muggle pain killers called Tylenol, I could just take tons of those because supposedly to many can kill you.

I made it to the Slytherin dorms and walked inside, I saw Pansy and Blaise sitting on the couch. Pansy ran over to me and hugged me. "Draco I haven't seen much of you lately, where have you been, are you okay?" She screeched in my ear.

"I've just been thinking by myself for a while, and I'm fine, I just was gonna go take a nap. I'm exhausted." I lied well enough for her to believe me. "Okay, sleep well goodnight!" She SCREECHED again. I made my way to my secluded dorm and went inside.

*SUICIDE WARNING ⚠️ *

I locked the door and searched around for that giant pill bottle I have. I was searching through everything when I finally found it. I pulled my blade out too. I charm locked the regular door to my room and went into the bathroom and locked it normally and twice charmed. I don't want anyone coming in.

I pulled my sleeve up and made cuts going across my arm. I did this for a few minutes before I took the pill bottle and emptied out at least 20 pills. I filled a cup up with water. All the blood from my arm was dripping everywhere but I didn't care. I took each pill 4 at a time. After I got them all in I sat in a corner and took the blade to my wrist and made a deep cut to where it started spitting blood.

It was pouring out in large quantities. I started to feel dizzy, I got up and went to go look at myself in the mirror, I looked at my eyes and saw the whites turning yellow, everything started hurting like crazy. I was getting dizzy from pain and blood loss. I sat down and realized I never actually wrote a note.

With the strength I had I conjured up a piece of paper and a quill. I started writing down my note:

To whoever is reading this, I am sorry. I couldn't take it anymore, I needed all the emotional pain to end. I didn't want to be alive in this horrible world where I was forced to take an evil mark and have my parents hate me and have to watch every move I do knowing if I do it wrong I could get killed or berated. I can write a note to each person I know, but I might not make it, I didn't expect these pills to go so quick.

Harry:
I love you with all my heart but I know I'm a nuisance to you. I'm just a person you tried to help because i know I don't matter as much as you say I do. Maybe you do love me but I can't help but feel like I should be here with you because I'm ruining your life.

Hermione and Ron:
You guys were so supportive of Harry when he started dating me. You guys were nice and honestly a cute couple.

Mother:
I love you mommy, please remember me and all the moments we have, I don't want to have to be here and ruin your life. I'm free now, I have no pain, just remember I love you and I will watch down on you.

Father:
I have no words for how you've treated me because disgusting and vile doesn't even begin to explain it. I hate you and I know you hate me to. You are the cause of most of this because of how many times you beat me and said things. But my brain took it to far so half of it's my fault and I know that.

Pansy and Blaise:
You guys were okay friends but I didn't get the real support I needed I-

My hand went weak and I dropped the quill, the world around me was getting darker and I was getting fizzier and fizzier until I knew this was it and I closed my eyes and let the peace take me away.

Harry's POV

After Draco went to his dorm to nap I couldn't help but feel like something bad was gonna happen but I thought nothing of it. I figured that what happened today just made me worried and he'd be okay.

I found Ron and Hermione and we did some essays and some work for like an hour and we caught up and Hermione helped me and Ron with homework. But something was off, something was gonna happen.

That was when an owl came swooping down, it sat there with a letter, I took it from it's beak and opened it. In messy writing it said:

Potter I need you to come to the Slytherin common rooms quick something's happened with Draco.
-Pansy

I stood up abruptly and started sprinting down the hallways to The common rooms the painting must have saw my distress or knew because it let me in. I rushed upstairs to Draco's room and opened the door and walked into the room. I saw the bathroom door open and I walked into there. The moment I saw the blood on the floor I knew what happened wasn't good.

Someone came up from behind me, I turned around and looked to see Pansy Parkinson with tears all down her face, mascara running and her eyes looked bloodshot. "What happened?" I asked, I was panicking so much I just hoped whatever happened wasn't what I was thinking.

"Draco has been in his room for a while and we-" she broke off into sobs, I rubbed her back for comfort and she continued. "We couldn't get through the door, after fighting with it we got through but the room was e-empty, the bathroom door was closed, we knocked and there was no answer or movement. We tried to open the door but it wouldn't open, after fighting with that door and out anxiety's going through the roof we got through. Oh my god, the sight was terrible, there we puddles of blood, pills scattered in the sink and Draco right by the toilet with a quill and paper that was also covered in blood."

She started sobbing, it was what I was thinking, he tried to kill himself. I broke down into sobs too. I couldn't stop. "W-where is he n-n-now?" I questioned her. "The hospital wing, but they might have sent him to saint Mongos." She replied, tears were falling off her face onto the floor.

I pulled her in for a hug "what was his condition when you got in the bathroom?" I asked, I wanted to know if he had any chance of survival. "His breathing came and went, his heart beat was slow and at one point it stopped all together, but it came back after fighting with it." She finished with a deep breath, another tear rolled down her cheek.

I was still crying a whole ton. "L-lets go s-see him?" I proposed the idea to her. She nodded and we both looked at each other and started crying, I pulled her into a hug and we cried together. I didn't want Draco to be gone, I knew I should read the note but I didn't want to accept that he was dead yet. I loved him more than words could say.

"Let's go." I managed to whisper through my crying. We pulled apart and me and Pansy started to walk down to the hospital wing. Blaise was apparently there waiting but Pansy couldn't look at Draco so the nurse said for her to go take a breather. I just hoped to god he was okay..

Okay that chapter was sad. The next chapter will be out soon but I don't know when exactly. Remember to leave suggestions and vote. Thanks for reading!

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