Have you ever thought about thinking differently than what you normally think about?
I have always analyzed and thought outside the box. Way outside the box to the point where sanity is overrated and i feel sick to my stomach.
I even think about ways and days of how and when to breathe.
Cause everyday makes me feel suffocated.
I have to remind myself that days will get better.
But i have no hope in that.
One day i always hope for better and then the worst.
I can't stand not being happy like everyone else.
I feel like I am dying without even knowing that I'm not physically dying.
I'm mentally dying.
I don't know if this makes sense or not but overall i just feel overwhelmed and not good enough for this world.
Im so down that people around me think that I'm so happy or I'm full of sunshine and rainbows.
That's not what this is and what i am.
I'm just in my own head, overthinking every single thing.
I dont tell anyone anything that much about me because i think I'm a burden.
I think that i shouldn't tell anyone my problems because they would immediately judge me no matter what.
I think that me being here bothers people. Even when i try to fit in.
I think that me drowing in my own pain is for the best.
Now, don't get me wrong I'm religious but i don't think i deserve the prayers or the good coming my way.
I think i don't deserve to be given anything.
I just want to fall asleep and not wake up.
Just sleeping with no pain.
You guys might call me suicidal or inconsiderate.
But i think this is my own mind, my own thoughts, making me feel outside the box.
I've always thought this way no matter what situation.
I always blame myself to make myself feel better.
No reminders just my mind.
No yelling just whispers.
No screaming just my voice.
No words just my thoughts.
Everything is just Unexplainable.
