Another request, hope you like it ^^ I went kind of crazy on this one- WARNINGS: Murder, Major character death, Problems with mental illness.
The first mistake, I think, was on my brother's part.
It was only a few weeks into recovery, I was still "Troubled."
He had brought Yoosung over and insisted I meet him. Before I had gone out to meet them, I overheard them talking in the next room.
"I think it would be good for him," Saeyoung had said to Yoosung, "Not only to meet another person around his age under normal circumstance, but... how do I put this, Yoosung you really bring out the best in others and make them more comfortable. I talked with everyone in the RFA and they all agreed that you would be the best one to attempt to get through to him." His voice was more solemn despite the optimistic things he was saying, I wonder why. Now that I think back on it, the way he said it, it was almost as if he was praising him. It made me uncomfortable for some reason to not be the one to praise the blond.
"So as long as you haven't changed your mind..."
"No, I want to do it, I want to help him." I could hear the sheer cheer and optimism in his voice, just another thing I admire about him. I could almost see his bright smile from my spot on the other side of the wall. And his devotion to helping people, such a wonderful trait of a person. Though I like to imagine it was because it was me. That he did this for me and me only.
The rest of their conversation is sort of a blur, It was mostly Saeyoung talking and I couldn't find it in myself to focus on anything except the blond.
The moment I first saw him I could confirm one that was going through my brain. No, I did not deserve him. Nobody deserved this perfect human.
His blond hair was up in tufts perfectly framing his face, his bright amethyst eyes widened with excitement when he saw me. His skin looked like fine porcelain and I desperately wanted to touch his cheek, just to see if it was real, but I knew I couldn't, not yet.
At the time of that first meeting after I saw him the plan had already started forming in my mind. I had to do something to make sure this human would never be tainted. He was perfect and beautiful and I couldn't let that go to waste.
I had spent a few weeks preparing and I got quite bored but it was worth it. It needed to be perfect for him.
It had been a lot simpler than I thought it would be, just a blunt object to the back of his head while he was over one day. Saeyoung wasn't home at the time like I planned. He trusted Yoosung enough to take care of me.
Another mistake on my brother's part.
After the dashing blond was knocked out, I took my time bringing him back to my room.
His sleeping face was just as perfect as every other aspect of him. He looked so peaceful and so gentle. Again it makes me think of porcelain, like if I accidentally tap it the wrong way it could shatter.
So I take great care in wrapping my hand around his mouth and plugging his nose with my other hand. Not the quickest or most effective way to do it but it was the only way to make sure he wouldn't be harmed or ruined in any way.
He had thrashed a little bit but being unconscious, he didn't put up much of a fight.
After a few minutes of waiting patiently, He stopped moving. Not just his thrashes, but everything. His lungs stopped trying for air, his eyes stopped moving around on the insides of his eyelids, and that perfect, rhythmic heart ceased its glorious beating.
I knew I shouldn't have. I knew I should not have done it. But I couldn't help myself. He was right there. The incarnation of happiness was right there in front of me and I swear I couldn't help it.
I leaned down and pressed my lips to his gently, very very gently. So gently that if his heart was still beating, h would not have even felt it. Still, it was enough for me. It was perfect, just as I'd imagined it would be. His lips were soft and still warm. They were so comforting and I wanted to do it again.
But I didn't. I knew if I did I wouldn't have the self-control to be as gentle and I knew I couldn't taint him, I knew I shouldn't ruin that.
He was so perfect. And right now, he was mine. All mine. It didn't matter if I deserved him now, because I had him either way.
