𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛𝚜 ☆ 𝚛𝚎𝚍𝚍𝚒𝚎 ☆ 𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚗𝚋𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑

twenty

warning: mentions of self harm and suicide

stans pov

"mom! you're finally home!" bill said, running downstairs and hugging sharon tight

"is he okay?" i said quietly, standing behind bill

"yes, he's fine. i took him home and he's still in a lot of pain, but he's fine" she smiled

"okay that's good" i sighed in relief "wuh-when do you think we can go see him?" bill asked after

"you guys can hang out with him whenever, it just depends on if his mother allows you, so you could call if you want, but i think you should wait until tomorrow" she kissed bills head and sits down on the couch with zach

we headed upstairs and sat down on the bed

"what do y-you wanna do?" bill asked me

"i don't know, you can choose" i had my hands in my lap as bill looked around his room for something, probably a board game

"hey," he turned around to look at me "y-you okay?" he sat down next to me, putting a hand on my shoulder

"huh?" i quickly looked up "oh, yeah, yeah, im fine" i looked back down

"no, no you aren't fine, please tell me what's wrong" he turned his whole body to me

i sighed "i... i don't know what's wrong, i just feel... i don't know how i feel. i don't know what's wrong with me" i started crying

"hey, hey, look at me" he put his hand under my chin, making he look to him "there is nothing wrong with you, and if something happened to you, you can tell me" he hugged me tightly

after a couple seconds, he let go and i wipes my tears "a-a couple weeks ago... um... im sorry bill... i-i dont know how to say it"

"it's okay stuh-stan, take your time" he kissed my forehead

i took a couple deep breaths and finally spoke "a couple weeks ago, i... i almost killed myself..." i looked down so i wouldn't have to see his reaction

for a couple seconds, there was silence, until he leaned in and hugged me. i could hear him crying

"im sorry bill, im so sorry" i hugged him back

"w-w-why would you e-ever do that" he cried out, still hugging me

"i-i don't know, i was just scared you sound accept me for being gay"

after a while, he pulled away and stared at me "i would never stuh-stop crying if i lost you, stan, i love you"

bills pov

i saw him take a deep breath and pulled up his sleeve

i looked down to see three scars on his arm, all about three inches long

i put my hand over my mouth and then hugged him tightly

"im sorry bill" he was crying really hard

"shh, you don't have to apologize, but we need to tell somebody, like my mom"

"no! we... we can't, richie already knows and now you do too. im not doing it anymore, i swear. i-i was just scared before, and i felt really depressed, but, not we're together, and-and im fine. and the reason i started getting sad again was because i wasn't sure if richie was going it make it or not because what henry did could've killed him" he said quickly

i pulled away and kissed him "okay, i won't tell anybody. let's get some suh-sleep so we can wake up tuh-tomorrow and go see rich"

he smiled at me "okay bill, i love you" and he kissed my cheek before getting pajama and changing into them