Someone To Watch Over You

Chapter 9

"I thought we talked about this?" Dillion says, shifting in position so he can give me his full attention. It is only now that I realize I really don't want it.

"Did you not hear a word I told you during Winter Break?"

"Come on, Dillion! That was months ago. Cat is over Liam and..."

"You really don't get it, do you?" He's looking at me like I don't have a brain cell in my head.

"What?"

"It's not about you. It's not about Liam. It's about Cat. You come charging in on your white horse rescuing her from this INSANE situation she finds herself in how else is she supposed to feel towards you but in awe, grateful, safe, protected... which can easily translate itself into loved."

"I do love her. I love that baby. I want us to be a family. How is that a bad thing?" I challenge. 

I stand up and begin pacing. Of all of Cat's family members, I thought Dillion would be the easy sell that Cat and I getting married is a good idea. If he doesn't approve, what chance do I have of convincing her parents we belong together?

"She's not ready."

Dillion's words hit me in the face like a physical punch to the gut.

"Look, kid. I know you love her. I don't doubt she loves you too, but I specifically told you to go slow. You don't want to become the rebound guy..."

"I AM definitely NOT..."

Dillion holds up his hand to stay my words. "Let me finish."

It was difficult, but I gestured for him to continue, literally biting my tongue to keep from interrupting him.

"Cat needs time. She's never been on her own. She's never..." he pauses, searching obviously for the right words, "she hasn't figured out who she is as a person yet, not on her own. She's always had someone looking out for her, from my Dad to Liam, to you. She's always been looking out for someone else, my mom, William, this baby, even me. You should have given her time to figure herself out first."

"I would never stand in her way," I say lamely.

"I don't doubt it, but examine your own thoughts on why you are rushing things."

"I'm not rushing things! We are engaged, but I'm not pressing Cat for a date. I don't care if we are engaged for 2-3 years before we get married. So long as I'm with her I'm happy."

Dillion has a sad, almost pitying expression on his face. "You got engaged to her to lock her in, to keep her by your side because you're afraid, Alex. You're afraid if you didn't, you'd lose her and that means you don't just lose her, but the baby and therefore your chance of a real family."

He hit me with the truth so dead on my breath whooshed out of my lungs and I felt a little light-headed. He stood up and led me back to the sofa, and I was grateful to sit down for a moment.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean for that to come out so... harsh."

"No. You're only telling me what I already know is true. I'm not just scared, Dillion. I'm terrified."

Dillion puts his hand on my shoulder and smiles at me. "I get it. I've been there. Man, have I walked in those shoes, but there are some things in this life you have to admit you can't control. It's like that Serenity Prayer they teach you in AA. I say it to myself every day, 'God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference'."

"Cat told me how you lost your brother. You just said upstairs that you have no family. So I can only assume that either you've lost them too, or you're estranged from them. That's something else I can relate to, but this... this isn't the way to go about fixing that."