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"Kee what's wrong?" Zo asked outside the bathroom door as I sat with my face over the toilet.
"I'm good." I called out as I felt myself gagging again.
"You in there throwin' up?" She asked as I gagged and threw up some more into the toilet.
"Yeaa." I dragged out feeling tears coming from my eyes.
She came into the bathroom and sat next to me rubbing my back as I shook my head.
"This not supposed to be happening." I mumbled as she looked at me.
"You pregnant?"
I shrugged, "I ain't took a test yet. But I think I am." I said making her nod.
"Okay so we gone go get some tests. You done throwing up?" She asked making me shake my head.
"No, we can do it after the funeral. It's been almost 3 weeks." I said flushing the toilet and slowly standing up.
I walked over to the sink and grabbed my toothbrush as I began brushing my teeth again.
Zo watched me as I finished brushing my teeth and gargled some mouth wash.
"I don't wanna go. I don't wanna see him like that. I don't wanna be pregnant with his baby. I can't do it. I can't do this without him." I said as she frowned looking at me with tears in her eyes.
"We can do this together. We got each other, they not here but they here." She told me as she wrapped her arms around me hugging me.
I hugged her back as we both just cried, "Why he had to take them?" I asked as she just cried and shook her head.
I wish the would've took me instead, he can do this without me, I can't do this without him.
This was not the plan, I can't be pregnant this can't be happening.
Tomorrow will be the last time I ever get to touch him and him not say something to me.
-
"We are gathered here today to remember the life of a young man that was well loved." The pastor started but I didn't hear anything as I stared at the casket.
It was an open casket, and I could see his face a little when I sat down.
Ms. Gia grasped my hand and gave it a light squeeze as I shook my head feeling the tears come to my eyes.
I was last to speak at the funeral, and it seemed like that time came fast.
"Umm, ion even know where to start." I sighed shaking my head.
"This wasn't the plan. Me and Santana had our whole life planned out together, we know everything don't go as planned but this wasn't expected. He really messed me up with this one.
I had a dream the day before my birthday about so much stuff happening, and that included him dying. I thought if I didn't so what I did in the dream then he wouldn't die. But I think he knew it was his time.
He tried to spend so much time with me, including going away with me to Indiana earlier than planned.
I love him to death and can't imagine how life is going to be without him here with me." I shook my head breaking down as Zo rubbed my back comforting me.
-
"Take the test." Zo encouraged me as I shook my head.
"Ion want to. We only had sex once."
