SHATTERED (An Amy Lee FanFiction)

10

Of course, nobody saves me.

Here I stand, all bruised up and with a bleeding wrist. My snow white skin is covered in purple spots once again because we had another fight and he held me down. Ugh. I crawled onto the floor, reaching for some paper towels so I could rub off the blood that was still pouring. My whole arm was stinging and hurting. My wrist especially. How the fuck did I not die seeing as I cut and never took care of my cuts?

I have to sing and act happy tonight. My life is turning into a soap opera tragedy, for gods sake. What would happen if fans saw my bloody wrist and purple thighs? Could I brush them off by saying I had fallen off of my bike?
Damn, Amy. What a stupid excuse.

After so long, I convinced myself to take a bath. I let the water pour into the bathtub for a while and got some foaming gel and a bath bomb. As I felt the hot water, my cuts stang. It hurt like a bitch but not as bad as my emotional pain. This hurt way too much. Everything. First, I cut, then I had a panic attack on the bus and embarrassed myself, now this. How can I be such a fuck up? Why can't anybody love me? I just need someone... can anyone hear me? Is there someone missing me?

So far nobody showed they cared about me.

I was sat in the bath tub, blasting out loud Bjork, my favorite artist and sang along when I heard a knock on the door.

"Amy... you need to get ready. It's me, Beth."

"Oh... ok, ok, I'm coming."

I got out of the bathtub, wrapped a towel around my body and got into my room. Beth was sat there and my cuts were exposed. Double super fuck.

"Amy... what's that... on your wrist? Also, why are you so bruised on your thighs?"

"It's nothing, Beth, please don't... don't make me talk about it..."

She nodded. She seemed genuinely concerned. Maybe the only person who really took care of me and was worried. I loved her but I couldn't stand that disappoint look on her face when she saw my cuts or bruises. She knew it was Ben. She could sense it.

"Amy... please, sit down." she suddenly said.

I sat down on the bed, shaking. "What?" I murmured.

"Amy, I can tell you have been cutting... you're going through such a bad depressive episode I'm scared you might try to take your own life. I can tell the bruises are from Ben beating you. I could hear him earlier on calling you a bitch and telling you to die. I know it. I've known it for so long yet I cannot hold it in anymore. I cannot see you go through this. Amy, baby, you need to break up with me. He is no good for you. Look, I'll help you cover it up on stage, okay? I'll tell him I want to choose your outfit so it would be something new or idk. Okay, baby? I love you."

"Thank you, Beth." I said, while tears were pouring down on my face. "I have been cutting, I have been starving, I have been putting myself through a toxic relationship I cannot get out of. He's been doing that to me. I know that. You know that. I cannot let him go... I love him after all. We're going to get married. He proposed... "

"The fact that he proposed doesn't make him worth your time if he hits you, Amy!"

"I know, Beth, but I don't wanna be alone..."

"Would you rather live your life with a man who beats you in front of your children?"

"No..."

"Then go for it."

"Okay. I'll try and break up with him."

"Now let's get ready, please, so the fans won't have to wait."

On the way to our venue we were looking through our setlist. Haunted, Going Under, Taking Over Me, Everybody's Fool, Farther Away, Even in Death, Zero, Breathe No More, My Immortal, BMTL, Tourniquet, Imaginary, Whisper. The setlist was of course chosen by him, except that I chose to sing Breathe No More because it expressed the way I felt profoundly.

We arrived at the venue and I started dressing up, Beth was doing my makeup while I was warming up my voice when Ben came.

"Hello, Amy, what's up? Why are you wearing arm warmers?"

"Hey, Ben. Um. I'm just cold, I guess."

He nodded and he looked angrily at me. Angrily like ''you're embarrassing me''.

Our time came and we had to go onto the stage.

"Long, lost words whisper slowly to me..."

The fans were cheering and screaming. I felt like dying inside.

I headbanged and cheered with them and entertained them but when Breathe No More came to play... I was crushed and trying not to sob.

"Alright, this is one of our newer songs.... this is called Breathe No More." I said. Then I started playing the piano.

"I've been looking in the mirror for so long..." I said.

"Too small to matter, but big enough to cut me into so many little pieces... if I tried to touch her. And I bleed..."

As my soul bled while I was singing this.

I remember Ben was looking at me and he was just so done with me.

"This is our last song... Thank you, Cologne!" and then Whisper it was.

"Thank you, guys! We'll see you next time." and I headed backstage. I sat on the sofa and I deeply felt like dying. Ben came. Fuck. Me.

"Amy. what the fuck. I can see the cuts through your arm warmers now. What the fuck is it inside your fucked up head?"

"Ben, look, this is over. I cannot cope with it anymore. "