She Is Everything

"P" as in Pain

I used to tell my friends in high school that I would never go against my family for anything, but Ameer isn't anything, he is everything. My brother was there when I got home, I ran and hugged him I told him that I hate the army for taking him away from us, my parents faces did not look that happy, my brother didn't even hug his little sister that tight, I knew something was going on because last time I saw these faces I was told that my sister has passed away, "you told your mother that he's the one" my dad says, I didn't know what to say, "Is this about Ameer?" I said, "I am not going to let you do what your dead sister did, this boy's mother showed up at my house today threatening me to keep you away from her son before she hurts you, she made it loud and clear that the whole neighborhood could hear it", I saw Haddy in my dad's teary eyes while he was telling me exactly what Ameer's mother said, my dad left to sleep and I know he'll be crying all night, my mom got up after my dad to check on him. She stood by me, close enough to whisper, looked me in the eye and said, "I beg you with my life, don't make us live what Haddy put us through again, your father will not survive another loss" she left me with my tears and brother, I looked at my brother "what about you, don't you want to say anything to make this night painfully unforgettable" he got up and said "I would do exactly what our parents want me to do, he's not worth your family, don't be Haddy". And that's what I did, I did not become like Haddy. I became that sad lonely me. It was hard for me to pass by him without looking him in the eye, and it hurt him until that day when he decided to pull me from the arm hit me toward the wall to make sure that we still secretly together and I had to hurt to stay away from me, that was the only way for him to stop getting in touch. I wonder how could he still be talking to me, I'm sure it's behind his mother's back after she made him choose between her and me, his answer is known. Basically, my life turned to hell, Ameer isn't mine, my family is on top of my head thinking I still talk to Ameer, my mom blames me for every ache my dad feels, I bet Betty is sick and tired of me being a breathing problem. Months have passed, I honestly don't know how I survived, gave up soccer, dancing, guitar, missed all my friends parties and celebrations forgot why am I even alive but the one thing that I wished to forget is the fact that Ameer should not be in my life, this is not what I wanted, he was all I wanted but not like this. I don't know how could someone love like this, everything feels like yesterday, the first time I saw him, the first time we met in class, him holding my guitar under the rain, his fingers in my hair I remember it all too well, the tulip he gave me, I'm still hiding it in my drawer, what we lived, what we had and how he had me in the palm of his hand. My heart became fragile, it became a piece of paper everyone could write scratch on it. I could not handle the life without him, I also could not upset my family, it's like I have to choose, and if I was ever to choose between Ameer and my family I will choose myself, that's why I'm leaving the state this week to continue what I started on my first day of university.