Callouses

flammable

no soul but me is guilty of this arson

often I recall that frigid day
we met, you looked so tame
and the first word I heard you say
was an altered version of my name

untruthful, you knew me before
yet so painstakingly elusive
this time you are real, so sure
a personified subversive

I learned to crave your presence
awaiting each day for your arrival
though it hits and bruises my consience
it does not live solely on survival

earlier in time, I was inanimate
the movement, my life, it was frozen
but due to the heat of this debate
it thawed the ice, and I was awoken

here it started, my world has revolved
on a sun, along its self-luminous light
I am sick, helpless, wanting to be loved
feed this illusion, go ahead, ignite

recklessly letting the feelings combust
knowing only my tears can extinguish
my reasoning throws warning gusts
yet it only lengthens my anguish

hell is nonexistent
but maybe in your eyes they do
a blazing fiery torment
I suffer when I look at you

my skin turns inside out
as the flame within me scorches
I linger in this smoldering doubt
now your smoke fills my chest

we both know what we are
children, flammable and impatient
but how come I alone went this far
engulfed in flames in this sickening accident

the cold settles in as it returns
and the notion of being this hurt
another treacherous heart has burned
here the ashes lie in the dirt

Written on a stormy night, as I look back on the feeling
December 2019