Infinite Miles

Chapter 3 - How?

"Stay with me?"

The words had been a timid whisper. Any person could have missed them. But Axel's heart leapt at the question, like it had come to life for just a single heartbeat. His answer had been waiting on the tip of his tongue since Miles had started staying with him and Sydney.

Axel wrapped his arms around the smaller boy, and gasped slightly when he didn't feel the natural warmth that used to emanate off of Miles' body. The embrace was cold. Yet Miles still snuggled into him. It didn't feel the same as before. It didn't feel like the other countless nights when they had slept in each other's arms, Miles acting as a human hot water bottle for the vampire who lacked any body heat. That felt like forever ago.

It's different now.

It will always be different now.

••••••••••••

When Axel finally wakes, Miles is sitting up on the bed, arms wrapped tightly around his legs and his chin resting on his knees. His glasses are to his left on the bedside table. His glasses which haven't been touched in 9 days.

"I saw my mom's name flash across your phone screen." Axel watches in awe as Miles says his longest sentence yet. "And I wanted, so badly, to pick up. To tell her that I'm fine and safe and that's there's nothing to worry about."

Axel sees now that Miles' eyes are red.

"But I'm so scared that when I talk to her, when I see her, that I'm just going to fall apart. I'm going to break down right in front of her. And she'll ask me what's wrong and I'll end up telling her the truth. She wouldn't believe me at first. She would probably tell me to quit joking around. And that's when she'll see it. My pain. And that's when it'll click. I'm dead. And that's when she'll hate me."

Miles tears have yet to stop flowing. And he whispers, with a look so heartbreaking that Axel himself is on the verge of tears "How did you do it?"

••••••••••

Axel will always remember his first night at the mansion. He was sharing a room with three other people, all of which were much older than his young age of 13. Axel was probably the youngest vampire there at the time (if not ever).

He didn't expect to sleep that night but to Axel's surprise, he did. Death took a toll on his body and once his eyes had closed, his whole body shut down and Axel fell into a deep slumber.

That was the first of his nightmares. The suffocating feeling of being trapped in a grave under piles of dirt. The mourning of friends and family members over a boy who was still alive - I'm still alive! - It felt so real. But when Axel woke from that nightmare he had to remind himself that part of it wasn't. Emphasis on the part. He was still dead.

At that point, Axel had gotten about 3 hours of sleep in. It was fear he felt when his eyelids began to droop once more. He was afraid of the images his mind would conjure up once he fell asleep again. So instead Axel got out of bed and let his feet wonder around the mansion to wake himself up a bit. He didn't plan to go to Elias' room (the only person in the mansion he knew).

It was almost embarrassing how Elias knew immediately why Axel had shown up, and even more embarrassing how fast Axel replied when Elias offered him a place in his bed.

Axel crawled into the large, king-sized bed and snuggled into the cold blankets, waiting for them to get warmer (they never did). And there was something about laying in Elias' bed that made sleeping not so scary anymore.

••••••••••

"How did you go through all of this on your own?"

"I wasn't alone, Miles. I had Elias."

There's a pang in his chest when Axel thinks about how Elias is really gone.

"I'm so sorry Axel. This happened to you when you were just 13. I have no right to be this upset." Miles looks away, embarrassed with himself, ashamed of himself.

Axel reaches out to him (as he has done many times since Miles has stayed here) and caresses Miles' cheek, turning his head back to him.

"You don't have to apologise for how you feel."

"Well I feel like shit." Axel flinches at the word. Swearing was never a good look on Miles. "I feel like a ghost. I feel like too much of me is missing that I'm not even myself anymore. It's like I'm in this continuous dream where I'm falling in the dark and there's no ground to stop me. And I get it now. Why you hate the word alive. Because how do you live like this?"