Lurid (BWWM)

|Chapter 1|

Chapter 1
Lurid
"People Die...
Beauty Fades...
Love Changes...
And You Will Always Be Alone"- L.J. Smith

This happens everyday... this had always happened. I wake up some where that's not my room. It's not heaven nor hell. It's just a room. And in the room. Is this man, the same man I've been seeing in my dreams since I was a little girl. He always looks at me with his electric blue eyes and parts of his dark brown hair falling on his beautiful tan face. All the time he visits me in my dreams, he doesn't look at me with sympathy, but with love. Everyone does since I've been sick basically my entire life. I'm tired of them looking at me like that... I just want to die so I don't have to see their faces anymore. It'll be much easier to just let go. And be free. But that will never happen since I'm always at the hospital, getting tested on, and needles going through my skin 24/7. All the time they do this I just want to go to sleep and see my blue eyed stranger. Even though he isn't real there isn't any harm in imagining right? Even if it's in your dreams. Today I'm in my home called the hospital with my ma standing by my side. I fixed my hat so the doctor couldn't see my bold spots.

"Hello Ms. Battle." Doctor Scott said referring to my ma. "And hello Reign, how are you feeling today?" Why does he always ask that? He always ask the same question all the time I get here and I always respond with the same answer,

"Hell." He nodded his head then gave my ma a sad look. "What is it now?" Doctor Scott sighed. Then kneeled down in front of me.

"We don't know honey. We'll never know." They never did know. These visits to the hospital started when I was younger. First it was when I broke my arm and it took eight months to heal. Broken bones don't take that long to heal. They figured something was wrong so I had to get checked up. Then I lost my memory. I'll loose it then gain it back. Last time I lost my memory for a whole year and was in the hospital for that year. I started to cough up blood everyday that I had to be taken care of 24/7. One time my skin started to burn. It felt like I was on fire, I screamed non-stop... it was horrible. I couldn't do what the other kids could do. I couldn't play outside, because my ma was afraid I'll brake another bone or get scraped. She kept me isolated. So isolated, I got home schooled. I don't blame her actually, I don't want the kids to see me like this anyways. And now I'm only 18 and my hair is falling out. I don't have cancer. They don't know what I have...

"Typical." I said crossing my arms and leaning back into my chair. My ma swatted my hand and gave me a warning look. She's lucky I have brown skin or I would of been red." So what is the drill now? Stick more needles inside me until I pass out? Oh and I'll remember, I don't lose my memory anymore."

"That's good news." He said trying to sound cheerful.

"Yeah if you include my hair falling out and my skin getting drier, then yeah. Amazingly good fucking news."

"Reign!" My ma shouted.

"What? Why is it good news when I'm literally falling apart?" She put her head in her hands and started to cry. I hate when I make her cry, but she doesn't know what I'm going through... she never will. I got up and put my coat on heading towards the door.

"Where are you going?" I didn't bother looking back at her.

"I'm going out for a smoke."

"You know you can't do that. Not in your conduction." Doctor Scott said.

"Why does it matter? I'm going to die anyways, so why wait on it?" I didn't wait for either of them to respond so I walked out of the doctors office then outside to the nice autumn air. This is the only time I could enjoy this. Being asleep and feeling the cool breeze touch my brown skin. I took out my cigaret, lit it up, and took a long drag from it. I know this could kill me quicker,I know this is bad for me. I honestly hate smoking, but right now.... I don't give a shit anymore. I'm going to do me.
~*~
"I'm back!" I screamed out when I opened the door. My ma came out with her hands covered with mittens. I'm guessing she's cooking.

"Where have you been?" She asked putting her mitten covered hands on her hips.

"Out." I said fixing my hat on my head.

"Out where?" Ma arched her eye brow.

"Just out." She lift her hands up and mumbled I don't know what to do anymore. I followed her into the kitchen to see what she's cooking. Oh yeah I forgot, it's Tuesday. Meaning she makes tacos every Tuesday. It was fun when we did that when I was younger, but now it's just plane stupid. At least she's doing something proactive.

"Yum tacos."I said then put my tacos on my plate. We sat down at the dining room table and sat down quietly.

"You should take off your hat, you're inside."

"No thanks." I responded eating my third taco.

"Reign you'll look good with no hair. You should just shave it all off."
"I'm going to keep the patches of hair I have left." She sighed then leaned back into her chair.

"Reign honey-"

"Ma, if I don't want to shave my head. I don't want to shave my head." I said trying to make my statement sound final. I think it did since she kept quite. I kinda felt bad after a few minutes so I spoke up,

"And plus I'll look like a boy." I said smiling to my ma and she started to laugh. I don't mean to be like this, but if you've been suffering like I have for years then you'll know why.

"I guess you're right." She said swiping away a tear from laughing to much.

"Aren't I always?" When we finished eating I went up to my room and went to bed. I stared up at the ceiling looking at the stars? I felt my bed sink and I looked over to my blued eyed dream boy. I never heard what his voice sounds like. He never talks. All the time I talk to him he'll respond writing in the air. Like usual he always wear a black V neck shirt and dark jeans. I looked into his beautiful electric blue eyes, then moved the piece of hair falling on his face.

"Hey stranger." I said smiling at him. He sat up and I did the same. He lifted his finger and he wrote in the air, hello beautiful. I'm glad to see you. I smiled at him looking at the words floating away. I know he's not real. I just wish he was. So we could be together, but that won't happen since I'm dying. What's wrong Reign? He wrote. I looked at him then shrugged saying,

"My hair is falling out and my skin is flakey. You know the usual." I said bringing my knees close to my chest. I wish I could help. He said.
"Yeah me too..." He looked at me and smiled so sweetly at me. His smiles woke up everything dead inside of me. Made me think that I could survive what I'm going through, but we all know that I wouldn't. But when this blue eyed stranger just gives me one heart stopping smile... I feel alive again. Wake up now.

"Why can't we talk longer?" I asked my voice raising. "He faded away right in front of me like always. I woke up with the lights shinning in my room. I tried to get up from my bed, but my legs wouldn't move. Not again. I started to hit my legs to see if I could feel anything and I can't.
"Not again. Not again." I kept chanting over and over. I started to cry and scream out loud. My ma came into the room looking worried.
"I can't move!"