The Fallen One

Chapter Ten

I hear loud footsteps down the hall, my eyes shoot open and I find myself in my childhood bedroom at uncle Wyatt's house - Where I've been for two weeks now.

Looking over to my nightstand, my phone reads 3 am. I wander to my bedroom door, focusing my eyes to the figure in the hallway.

It's Casey. She's dressed in party clothes and her hair is messed up.

Why is she getting home this late?

I follow my cousin to her room. She looks over to me, pupils dilated and dark makeup smudged with tears across her face.

Casey doesn't say anything.

She didn't need to.

Her eyes say more than her words ever could.

They tell a story of a girl so broken that she needs sex, booze and drugs to suppress her pain.

Whether that sex is always consensual or she knew those drugs were in her drink that first time is another story. That's how Casey first lost her virginity, after all. A house party with a guy she barely knew, everyone was drinking and using. A few of the guys took something away from her that night that she could never get back.

But is it still rape if she keeps going back to the place that it happened, begging the same people for more sex and booze and drugs?

I'll never know for sure why she keeps going back to the people that hurt her that first time. She now calls them her friends and sometimes she'll go as far as calling them, family. She looks at them as people who will give her the attention she yearns for. Maybe that's just her way of dealing with what happened that night. Maybe when she's with them on her own terms, she's no longer their victim but instead the aggressor. She's the one

Tonight, that's what I fall asleep thinking about.

***

It's my first time back at school in over a week. My teachers have been lenient with my attendance since Elise died. Most people aren't aware that Elise was ever pregnant, hence the people at school don't know how she died.

There are only rumours. All in which are wrong.

When I spot Blake standing by his locker, I approach him quickly.

"Hey, man" I greet, my voice low.

"I thought you weren't coming back for a while" he raises a brow.

"I uh thought it was time to show my face again" I admit, "I also needed to talk to you...in person"

Blake looks over to me and furrows his brows.

"About?..."

"I'm worried about Casey," I tell him, "she's coming home past two am most nights...She's drinking and using and still fucking those guys at that club..."

There's a moment of silence.

"Anything else?" He sighs.

"Usual shit with mum and dad" I add. "What about you? What's happening at the Carter residents"

"Gina prays for you every night" Blake smiles, "Ned visited Sam..."

"As in Sam Wood?" My eyes widen. "How is he?"

"Keeping his head down" Blake nods, "they're moving him to a real prison...Like with adults...I don't know when..."

"It's his own fault" I remind him. "He shouldn't have been dealing Cocaine"

"God you're a hypocrite" he rolls his eyes, "The amount of pot you smoke, hell you're high right now"

I smoked a joint with Casey then cradled a bottle of whisky before I got here. Then I decided to show up at school today.

"Pot is legal in the state of California" I remind time.

"Oh yeah and the mushrooms?" Blake retorts.

There's a moment of silence.

"That's different," I say under my breath.

"How so?" He folds his arms.

"I need that stuff man" I blurt without thinking.

Something inside of me yearns for the mushrooms and the pot and the liquor. I never used to look at that stuff. Now, smoking and drinking feel like second nature — how else am I supposed to numb my pain.

"Needing something and wanting something are two different things," he tells me, "You act like smoking and drinking are the same as needing air to breathe"

"Well, it is to me" I raise my voice.

"Elise would have wanted better for you" Blake sighs.

Blake didn't know her well enough to know what she would have wanted. Before she died, Elise and I broke up and during that time Blake kissed her. That kiss flicked a switch in Blake that made him almost possessive over her.

"How would you know what Elise would have wanted?" I snap, "what because of your little crush?"

"That's not fair"

"You kissed her once, Blake" I almost laugh.

"She was my friend, Chris! And I loved her" he says, "which is more then I can say for you right now"

"You loved her?" I furrow my brows. "You kissed her once"

He swings his fist against my face, resulting in my lip popping then bleeding for the corner.

There's no regret and sorrow in his eyes.

"You're an asshole" with that, Blake walks away.

"That's real mature!" I call out to my brother.

In the distance, I see Ned walk past Blake. Ned marches in my direction but has his gaze directed to something in the distance.

"Hey" I greet him with my voice low as I press my t-shirt sleeve against my lip.

Ned rolls his eyes "You're back"

"So" I cock a brow.

He doesn't look at me, just continues walking. Ned has been treating me like shit since she died and I want to know why.

"Hey, what's your problem man!" I grab his arm, causing him to jolt back.

"Don't you fucking touch me" he shoves me.

Ned learnt to use his hands after his mum walked out. It's now become a reflex to a threat or danger. That's something his dad installed in him.

"What's your problem with me?" I snap.

"You're the reason why she's dead, Chris! You're the reason why Lissy isn't here" tears form when he says her name, "why did you have to have sex with her?"

I blink.

"What?" My voice is quiet.

"Why did you have to have sex with my sister?" Ned clenches his jaw.

I see the pain in his eyes. For the first time, I'm able to see the pain that I've caused.

"Not one day goes by that I don't hate myself for what happened" I admit. "The what if's torment me every day of my god damn life"

He shakes his head then storms off.

The third stage grief: Bargaining.