Voir Dire (N.H.)

twenty-six

Kelsey pulled up to Niall's house at a quarter past six. She'd barely worked up the nerve to get in the car in the first place, wondering if maybe this would be easier if she left him a note or a voicemail. Maybe it would be easier if she simply said nothing at all.

Her hands shook as she took the key out of the ignition, sitting in her car taking deep, even breaths in an effort to calm herself. She didn't even know what she was going to say.

Kelsey thought that with as many times as her heart had been broken, or with the ways that her heart had been broken, that she would know exactly what to do or say to tear someone's heart apart. But that didn't mean that tearing Niall's heart apart was going to come easy to her. Not when doing so was also going to tear apart her own.

She knew she had to be convincing. Anything less wouldn't give Niall the closure he would need to move on. She needed him to believe that this was real. That they were done. That there would be no retained feelings. She needed him to bury himself in his music and his tour and Krystal and everything that the label wanted for him. But most of all, she needed to be convincing because she wasn't sure she could keep her own feelings at bay, should he come after her begging for a second chance.

Kelsey took another deep breath as she stepped out of her car, slamming the door shut with a thud. She could do this. For the next thirty minutes she could be someone else. Someone heartless. Because that was what Niall needed. And for some reason as she walks up the stone pathway to Niall's front porch, her mother's words echo in her mind; 'Unconditional love doesn't always mean holding on tight'. 

Niall's face lit up when he answered the door after Kelsey's ring, and it broke her heart to see the joy on his face at her appearance.

"There you are darlin', hadn't heard from you all day," Niall wrapped his arms around Kelsey. His embrace was warm and inviting. Two words Kelsey doubted would describe any interaction between her and Niall after today. Kelsey pulled herself away before she could get too comfortable. Being held in Niall's arms was only reminding her of the good thing she was about to let go of.

"Sorry, it's been," she paused. "...Crazy. Can we talk?" Kelsey's eyes shifted down to the ground. She didn't want to stare into those beautiful blue eyes, the ones that reminded her of the sea. She knew if she looked in them, she would think about what she's was about to do- and she wouldn't want to do it.

"Yeh, sure," Niall paved the way for Kelsey to enter his home, before shutting the door behind them. Kelsey could sense that Niall knew something was wrong. But how could he not? He could read her like a book.

Niall followed Kelsey down the hallway and into the living room to a spot on the couch. But instead of taking her usual spot right next to him, in the place where'd they'd cuddled through a few too many Netflix binges, she sat at the end. He noticed the way Kelsey was squeezing her hands into fists so tight her knuckles were beginning to turn white. This wasn't Kelsey, and he didn't know what was going on. A pit begins to grow in the middle of his stomach.

When she finally spoke, her words come out quick and rushed, as if she doesn't say them now she might never. "I got into Stanford."

It wasn't a total lie. But it wasn't the total truth either, but it's the only thing that Kelsey could possible think of that would make Niall believe that she was ending this for reasons other than his crazy management.

Niall looked at her, his face turning into a wide grin. "Kels that's great! That's amazing! But wait...you found out that quickly? I mean your LSAT scores just came in the other day..."