Letters To My Soldier

Letter Twenty One

July 2018

"Are you sure you don't want me to go with you?" I ask Heath as he gets into the car with Dean to make a trip to the post office.

"That's okay, P. I know you wanted to help Jess in the kitchen," I nod and back up to the porch.

"Okay," I hug myself to keep from jumping into the car with him. He seems so nervous and anxious to finally get his mail from the post office. We had called his post office in New York to send his mail here since he didn't have time on this trip to go down to the city.

Heath had been acting weird for a few days. I did notice, no matter how hard he might be thinking he hides it. It was disconcerting to me that he wouldn't tell me what's bothering him, and the only reason I didn't ask why is because we only have two days left.

Two days and then our time is up.

What was also disconcerting was the fact that he hadn't said those words back, yet.

I love you.

I could see it in his eyes; in the way he looked at me, in his touch and how he made me feel.

It was drizzling this morning, an anomaly for July in Connecticut. The whole town was abuzz, worried that we wouldn't have our annual fireworks at the annual Independence Day Carnival/Street Fair. It was the highlight every year and the one year I had someone special to share it with, the weather was dreary.

Heath waved in the passenger seat with a lopsided grin that took my breath away. It was utterly amazing how completely in love with him I am. But, the smile didn't reach his eyes and I couldn't help but feel disappointed or worse, rejected.

I wave back with my left arm still around my midsection. I try not to laugh at the way Dean looks at us; as if the mere thought of us being a couple is crazy in itself, and the relief he has that we're not.

If only he knew.

They drive off down the road and tears prick my eyes. I thought I was strong enough to do this, to be able to wait in fear of the unknown. He's only going half a mile away with my father and I can't even stand being that far away from him. I grip my sides tightly and sit down on the porch steps in pajama shorts and a dark green knitted sweater.

It was different now that we've met and I knew the separation would be brutal on me. I wasn't so sure how it would affect Heath, though.

Shaking my head, I snap back up from the steps and walk back into the house. I was tired of being so pessimistic.

"What was so important that he needs all of his mail sent over?" Jess asks from the kitchen, rolling the dough for the pie.

"He didn't say anything specific. I guess he just wanted to pick up his mail from the past few months," I say leaning against the counter.

Jess's lingering smile sobers as she asks, "So how are you two doing?"

"Fine..." I say apprehensively, picking at my nails absently, "Why?"

Jess rolls her eyes and kneads the dough.

"I know you two have something going on. I'm not too sure what you are but I can tell ya," she snorts, "It's not platonic."

I feel my face flush and I shrug. Heath and I talked about this and decided not to mention anything to Dean and Jess until he got back from his deployment. We thought that they would accept our relationship better if I were independent and away at college for a while and then date my twenty-three almost twenty-four year old boyfriend. Besides, the baby would keep them distracted enough.