So, Here I Am

Chapter Thirty Eight Thoughts, Anyone ?

Larry

Ok, that wasn't as bad as I thought it might be. Now all I have to do is persuade Maggie to talk to him.  Fuck.  OK, I can do that.  OK,  Fuck.

Laurent

Ok, that wasn't as bad as I thought it might be. We just gotta persuade Maggie to talk to me. Fuck.  OK, we can do that,  OK.  Fuck.  God, I love her so much, I MISS her so much.  It's too early to hope for anything, I know.  But I gotta try, don't I?  Like Larry said, she won't even give me the time of day if all she can see, hear is self pity, and she will not appreciate begging, she will not. Have some respect, she'll say, even if I don't respect myself, and neither does she.  But I gotta try, don't I?  OK, so clean up time.  Appointments for hair, clothes, gym, work.  Turn up on time, be nice to people, be Laurent again.  Grow some self respect back, Lau !  It'll be worth it when you see her again.

Maggie

Well, that was interesting !  Nice to hear Larry's voice again, though.  Intervention, huh ?  Must have been in some kinda mess, babe.  Have some self respect, Laurent, for fuck's sake, no woman likes to see a man beg, unless it's, well ...... anyway, it's not a good look.  Oh, sweetie, you hurt me, you really did.  But I can't let you do it to me again, I just can't !  It'll destroy me, literally, I will die of a broken heart !  Self preservation mode again, I guess.  But I love you, I do. That doesn't just go away, does it ?  Oh my heart, my heart, my heart.  It still loves you, I can't tell it otherwise.  How much more of this are you gonna put me through, Lau !!  Oh, and A.J., you've been through the mill, too, haven't you sweetie ?  And we all need to heal, for fucks sake, just like we did when we found out you were .... shit ...A.J. !!  I can't tell him, he'll kill him !!  Oh my god, what a mess !! .....

A.J.

I'm gonna fucking kill him !! What the hell is she thinking ?! Aaarrgghhh, mumma!  I told you, I told you, I told you !!  I know you loved him, everyone could see it, and he loved you too, but shit !  And you probably still do, knowing you, if you love someone, you never let that love go, it's always there in some form or another.  But I can't take your heart breaking all the time over this .... this......ass wipe !  He's never gonna change, there'll always be something, or someone.  He needs his ego stroked constantly.  I can't stand it !  Larry, I wonder how he feels about this, he won't be best pleased..  Maybe he can shed some light.  Yeah, I'll call Larry.

Issy

Oh my fucking god !! Thinking he could get away with this ?!  Oh, Maggie, I feel so bad for you, you don't deserve this.  And Larry, oh my Larrbear !!  You broke his heart too, Laurent !!  How dare you, leaving so much destruction in your wake !! -- sigh --  But if there's one thing I've learned since I've known you two, your bond is indestructible.  He'll stick up for you through thick and thin, and you know he will.  He'd do the same for me too.  So, we have to support him, while he supports you, and while we all support Maggie, after all the fucking mess you made, Laurent !! Oh my fucking god !!

Larry

Fuck, poor A.J. !  I knew he'd take this badly, and I can't say that I blame him.  But I have to stop this now, don't I ?  Not that A.J. would actually kill Lau, but they probably won't meet again, and they're brothers !  We're all brothers !  How is that gonna work ?  And Maggie, poor Maggie.  Not only does she have to deal with her feelings for Lau, she has to deal with A.J.s feelings too.  At least she's back at work, and I know that's a distraction for her.  Please God, let this all be OK?  Let all this serve some purpose, and let us be a family again, after everything we all went through to find it, to build it.  Please, God .....

Maggie

Bless him, lord, oh my Larry !  What did we do to deserve someone like him ?  It's like their roles have been reversed,  Larry's the mature, responsible one now, and Laurent's gone ape shit on everyone !  I don't know what to think anymore.  Work helps, but I still think about him, though, what we had, what he's going through.  We have to talk though, we do, I can't just leave things like this, it'll eat me up.  When I can stop crying everyday, when my heart doesn't jump at the thought of him, the sound of his name, we have to talk.  This year, next year, sometime, never ....

Laurent

OK, what do I need ?  Fuck, I hate packing ! Here we go again.  I'm gonna need a coat, it's cold in London.  God I miss her !  I don't deserve her, I know that much !  Thing is, does she still love me ?  And if she does, will it be enough ?  Shit, I dunno, but I gotta try.  I can't give up until I've done everything to get her back, like Larry says.  How has he got so wise lately ?  Issy, I'm sure it is, she's good for him, and she loves him so much, I can see it.  He's never loved anyone like her, either.  And you have to go and fuck it all up, Laurent !  I don't deserve Larry, either, I don't deserve anything right now.  He's the better twin, always has been.  I love you more than life itself, Lar, I'd probably be dead by now if it weren't for you.  God, what am I gonna say to Maggie?!  Wing it ?  Rehearse it ?  No, she won't appreciate that, has to be from the heart. Absolutely.  Please, I don't know what to do !!  Please make her listen to me, just listen.  Then, if she still tells me to fuck off, then at least I'll have done everything I can .... shit with the tears again, fuck !!   Goddamn, Lau !!   OK, anyway, luggage ......passport .......coat ........ring ?   ring, good.   Ok, the car's here... let's go .... see you tomorrow, beautiful .....