NOSEBLEED • rewrite

Chapter Ten

You know that frustrating feeling you get when the blanket feels to heavy and the pillows aren't quite right. The infuriating feeling of being too hot and bothered to the point of not being able to keep the much-too-heavy blanket on and then not being able to sleep because your head is spinning and you can't stop thinking? Yeah, well that's me right now

Jackson had fallen asleep a while ago, he didn't speak or even look in my direction when I snuck in, claiming that I had to get a glass of water instead of flat out telling him I thought Seokjin was bitten and had to check. I sensed something off with Jackson, like he was mad or even upset about something

That's his biggest flaw, not being able to talk openly about his feelings, which is quite like me in a way. But after years of knowing him, and loving him, I've noticed it's best to give him time to think, especially after something traumatic. I think we all need time to process and fully take in what we saw

I haven't even begun to wrap my head around what happened, I still keep hoping I will wake up tomorrow and be in my beloved purple bedroom, hugging my pillow with a smiling Rina watching me drool like a toddler and Jongin throwing soft candy at my window to wake up both up on a Saturday morning. I know what's happening with me

I'm in denial, a horrible part of grief that doesn't seem to just go away over night

I know a time will come where I will accept it and heal from the loss

Feeling like I've had enough of thinking for a good few days, I completely switch my brain off and roll out of the bed with a sigh in hopes of getting in a quick shower before the water is cut off. I grab the bag resting on the window seat, shooting a quick glance at the tree line just a few yards away from the cabin

There's nothing there, yet my anxiety filled brain is trying to convince me that there's something out there somewhere. It feels like the grim reaper is hovering around us, waiting to pick us off one by one like those terrible cliche horror movies

With a shake of my head, I grab the duffle bag filled with clothes and head into the brightly lit bathroom. The room is warm, like someone has switched some sort of heating on, but not warm enough to be melting my face off like the blanket in the other room

I think it may be one of those weighted ones

We're in the middle of the end of humanity as we know it and I'm thinking about weighted blankets? I think I'm beginning to loose my marbles already. Chuckling to myself in disbelief, I peel away my blood covered uniform and throw it straight into the laundry hamper in the corner

There's no way I'm keeping this bullshit, if I could burn it then I would, it's not like I will be going back to school

I tip toe over to the shower and turn the faucet to the right temperature, aka very hot, and wait for the water to warm up. Luckily enough, the water gets hotter and hotter making me smile for the first time in what feels like years but had only actually been a few hours. As soon as I step under the stream my muscles relax from their tense state, my shoulders slumping and legs beginning to feel like literal jello

I savour the moment, knowing it might be a while before I meet the beloved shower again

I wash up and dress into an all black outfit, including a bomber jacket and hat to cover my poor excuses for french braids. I pull my boots back on and practically skip out of the bedroom, not missing the opportunity to plant a brief kiss on Jackson's forehead

It's a new day, and although I'll still mourn my friends, I will make sure to protect the ones that are still with us, including the group of sweet boys who I poorly misjudged. Hopefully, we will reach the military base by night fall