Circles

Chapter Thirty One

            It isn’t until everyone else is having lunch when I wake up. After I get dressed, I join the others downstairs.

            “I made you a sandwich,” Liz says, handing me a plate.

            I say thank you and sit down next to her. Luke and April are sitting across from us, and they’re sitting very close together. Their interlocked hands rest on the table.

            “Help me do the dishes,” Liz says before I’m even done eating.

            “Oh, come on, I’m tired,” I whine.

            “I want to talk to you,” she whispers. I follow her to the kitchen. She starts scrubbing plates while I wait with a dishcloth to dry them.

            “What do you want to talk to me about?” I ask.

            “Have you talked to Matthew at all recently?”

            “No, why do you ask?”

            “Why haven’t you seen him?”

            “I don’t know…” I say, my voice trailing off.

            “You don’t want to see him,” Liz says matter-of-factly.

            I look at her questioningly. “What would give you that idea?”

            “If you wanted to see him, you would have.”

            “That isn’t true. I can’t climb through a window because of my ribs, so how was I supposed to go?” I counter.

            “Do you want me to take you to see him?”

            I hesitate. “Um, yeah, sure, I guess,” I say quietly.

            “You don’t sound too sure,” Liz says. “What’s going on? Why don’t you want to go?”

            “I didn’t realize how long it had been until Mike brought him up yesterday,” I say cautiously. “I hardly thought about him at all in the past two weeks, and what’s worse is I didn’t even miss him.”

            “Well, you’ve been busy with your injury,” Liz says, trying to come up with an explanation.

            “I just feel like I’ve proved to myself that I don’t need him,” I say. “I thought I did, but look how much easier things are when I’m not sneaking off with him! Why put myself through that if I don’t need to?”

            “Alex, relationships are never easy. That boy is crazy about you. Now whether you want to go back to normal with him or never see him again, you owe him an explanation. You may not have thought about him, but you’re probably all that’s on his mind. You aren’t being fair.”

            “Okay, okay, fine,” I say, exasperated. “I’ll talk to him. I’ll go right now. Okay?”

            “Thank you,” she says. “Let me know what happens when you get back.”

            “I will,” I say on my way out the door.

            I sit in the back of the bus by myself and try to gather my thoughts. I don’t know what I’m going to say to Matthew, but maybe I’ll know when I see him. I’ve always loved how close our bus stops were, but now, as the bus stops, I resent it. I get off and walk to his house. When I knock on the window, Nicole comes to me.

            “Alex!” she says as she slides the window open. “What’s up?”

            “Is Matthew around?” I ask quietly.

            “Backyard,” she says. “I think he’s alone if you want to go back there. I’ll go keep an eye out.”

            “Thanks,” I say.

            I walk around to the back of the house and see Matthew sitting alone in a corner of the yard. He looks up when he hears me close the gate to the fence and stands up. I stop where I am and stare at him for a minute, wearing a small smile. He holds a serious expression and starts walking toward me, his pace getting faster and faster until he reaches me. He grabs my face and kisses me with a sense of urgency.

            “Hey,” he says when he pulls away. Now, he has a smile that covers his whole face.

            “Hi,” I say, looking at the ground.

            “What’s wrong?”

            “Oh, nothing,” I say.

            He puts a finger under my chin and lifts my head so my eyes meet his. “Is it Mike?”

            “No, he actually hasn’t done anything since I got home from the hospital,” I say.

            “Well then, what? I know something’s wrong, Alex. I know you.”

            “I, um. I don’t know if I can see you anymore,” I say quietly.

            “Alex…”

            “Don’t you think this is harder than it should be?”

            “No, I don’t,” he says.

            “Everything has been so much easier while I’ve been staying home,” I say, looking away. “I didn’t have to tiptoe around, there was no lying, no climbing through windows just to see each other. Even Mike hasn’t bothered me. It’s a nice change of pace.”

            “Easiest doesn’t always mean best,” he says.

            “Doesn’t it, though?”

            “No, it doesn’t. Just because I don’t have someone pushing me around in my house doesn’t mean that this has been easy for me either, you know. Nicole gets jealous of me spending so much time with you, people are always asking me where I go at night, I have to lie like crazy, but it’s worth it. It’s worth it because it’s you. I’m going to do whatever it takes to make sure I can see you, to make sure you’re in my life. I don’t care what I need to do, because I’ll do it. It isn’t even a question. It’s all worth it, because I love you.”

            I look up at him. “You what?”

            He smirks. “You heard me, Alex. I love you.”

            I smile at him, and he kisses me. When he stops, my smile fades to a more serious look.

            “Why are you looking at me like that?” Matthew asks, confused.

            I raise my eyebrows and take his hand in mine. I walk up to the back door of his house, and walk inside, where Nicole is sitting alone. I lead Matthew behind me without looking at him.

            “You’re lucky no one’s out here,” Nicole says when I stop in front of her. “What’s up?”

            I show a small smile. “Watch the door.”

            I bring Matthew into his room, and we don’t come out until the next morning.