Hold Me In Your Arms Forever (suicidal Sugawara x Daichi haikyuu!!)

Chapter 1

Sugawara's POV

I sob as I rip the blade across my thigh again. Again and again it goes, red lines following every time. My free hand covers my mouth as my thigh gets littered with hundreds of crimson slices. The voice plays in my head. 'No one will ever like you, you're replaced, it'd be better if you were gone for good.' I continue to cry as the blood drips down onto the tiles of my bathroom. I'm such a mess.

I sit on the floor, my face tear stained and blood dripping from my leg. I look over to see my phone light up. Probably the same people telling me to kill my self. I hiss in pain as I move, dizzy from the blood loss. I pick up my phone and squint at the message.

Daichi: hey I'm going to add you into a group chat with the others, okie? :D

Me: ok :)

I put my phone back down onto the floor and crawl over to the cabinet to take out a cloth and a bandage. I wipe away the still flowing blood and carefully wrap the bandage around my leg, securing it tightly. I stand, wobble a bit, pick up my phone and head to my bedroom, leaving the blade, blood and cloth still on the floor. No one comes over anyways, I can just clean it up later.

I get a ding and my phone lights up. I open it and see the group chat I've been added to. It has everyone from the volleyball team in it.

Hinata: HI SUGAMAMA!
Kageyama: hey.

Me: hi guys!

Daichi: >:D
Hinata: SO WHATS THIS GROUP CHAT FOR??
Tsukkishima: to talk in, idiot
Kageyama: shut up you overgrown ladder.
Tsukkishima: tch.
Tanaka: OHSHIT
Hinata: yeah that was meaN :(
Me: ok play nice kids
Daichi: listen to your mother,,,
Daichi: OK so I'm gonna throw a party at my house this weekend! You guys know the address, it's on Saturday and you guys can arrive sometime past 12-ish, ok? You're all invited! :D
Tanaka: YEAHHHH PARTY TIME
Nishinoya: Did someone say party?!?!1!

I smile to myself as my friends talk back and forth about the party which I'm probably not going to go to. I turn off the chat notifications and put on some headphones to listen to some sad music to make myself feel somewhat better and worse at the same time. But I get interrupted by a notification that's not from the group chat.

Daichi: I hope you'll be able to come, it's gonna be fun
Daichi: also goodnight, have a good sleep because we have early training tomorrow >:)

I smile again but don't bother replying. I can feel my heart beat faster as I re-read the texts. He wants me to go? No, he doesn't. No one wants you to be there. But...I'll get to see Daichi more...

I rub my eyes as I sit on my bed and look out of my window to see the moon. I should try to sleep. It's the closest thing to dying without actually dying, so it's my favourite activity, more than cutting and...well a close second to volleyball. I take off my headphones, set my alarm and let my music play quietly as I try to sleep.

5:30 am

I groan as I sit up. Too quickly. I feel a headache form, and I want to die. I look to my left to see my phone buzzing and playing a neat tune that I've heard almost every day for the last 3 years. I pick up my phone and turn off the alarm, to be greeted with my wallpaper. It's me and Daichi, smiling and holding peace signs. 'You were so happy then...why? You're so ugly, your 'crush' probably wanted to throw up after that picture,' the voice in my head mocks me.

I rub my temples and make my way to the bathroom. Forgetting last night for a minute, I jump at the amount of blood that's in the floor. No wonder I passed out that night. I wet a cloth and wipe the floor, making sure it's clean. I pick up the blade and stare at it for a bit, playing with it in my hands. 'Do it'. No, I can't. I shouldn't. But, it's addictive...

I look at my already scarred wrist and line the blade with my vein. "Do it...no one loves you, you're such a burden." I whisper. I push the blade and take one, strong slice down the entirety of my forearm. Then another. And another. Three long cuts, dripping with blood. I smile and shake my head. Not even bothering to clean it up I take off the bandage on my leg and wrap it around my arm. I look to see my leg bleeding but I don't care anymore.

I leave the bathroom after I finish brushing my teeth and toss on my uniform that was in the corner of my small room. I look in the mirror and show off a big smile. I see how ugly I am, but it doesn't matter right now. I've seen my ugly face my whole life so I'm used to it.

I move into the kitchen where my bag is and get my books organised for the day. It's Thursday so I have some of my best classes. Not that they're fun, but I have almost all of them with Daichi so they're bearable. I pick up my bag and toss it on my back, and put on my shoes. I check my phone. 6:03. I have some time so I head back into the bathroom to grab my blade. I check my leg and wipe off a bit of blood thats spilling from under my shorts. I check my arm and it's bandaged, but there's some blood that's bled through. I'll just say I fell over, or something. But they won't ask anyways.

I grab my key, lock the door and head out, music playing. I smell the fresh air and walk to school. As I pass by the Sakanoshita store, I poke my head around the corner to see Coach Ukai stacking some products.

"Hi coach!" I yell from the door. Ukai gets startled and almost drops the boxes. I wave at him and apologise.
"Hey Sugawara, you heading off to practice?" He asks. I nod.
"Yup, but I'm quite early so I decided to say hello." I show off my smile. I look to see the coach looking at my arm.
"What happened to your arm?" He asks. I look down to see that a little more blood seeped through. I pull my arm behind me.
"It's nothing, just fell, I gotta go now, bye!" I say frantically. I know I might be questioned about it later but for now I want to get to training before anyone else.

As I arrive at the gym I see the door already opened. I peek inside to see Nishinoya running around holding a rainbow flag behind him like a cape and chanting a phrase.
"I. WILL. BE. PROUD. OF-" he stops dead in his tracks when he sees me leaning through the doorway. We hold eye contact for a second and he drops the flag and runs over to me.
"Uh, how long have you been standing there..?" He asks me. I chuckle at his worried face.
"Not long. How long have you been running around?" 
"I-I..." he stutters. "You'd better not tell anyone about this! If you do I swear to Jesus I'll kick your ass!"
I hold my hands up in surrender as I walk through the door. I mean, so much for getting early to train.

"What happened to your arm? Why's it all bandaged up?" He speaks up from behind me.
"M-my arm? It's fine, I just...fell over, that's all!" I laugh worriedly and place my bag down.
"Right and Kageyama isn't totally gay for Hinata. Cmon I know that's the fakest shit I've heard in a while-"

"Nishinoya! What the fuck did you just say?" I hear from the door. Standing there is Daichi. Damn he looks... great. He does everyday...
"I, uh! It's Sugawara's fault! He's lying about-" I nudge the shorter boy in the side with my elbow to make him shut up.
"That's enough out of you." I look at him and smile while he just frowns at me.
"Also why's there a rainbow flag on the floor?" Daichi asks. Nishinoya runs over to grab it before anyone else sees.
"It... fell out of the sky! A giant bird came in like squaaaawwwk and it dropped this like whooooosh!" Nishinoya waved his arms around while explaining even though he was holding the flag. Daichi and I chuckle while the younger boy threw it in the closet with all of the cleaning supplies and balls.

More people start coming in, like Hinata and Kageyama racing to the door. Tanaka and Asahi come in not long after and then soon enough everyone was here, along with Coach Ukai and Takeda Sensei who were chatting to the side.

Practice was in session.

Sorry I'm shit at writing and updating will be hard but love you guys and ty for reading ✌️💕