Hold Me In Your Arms Forever (suicidal Sugawara x Daichi haikyuu!!)

Chapter 3

It's finally lunchtime and I have to talk to Daichi about this morning. I'm really not looking forwards to this. I walk to my locker and unload my books and pencil case. While I'm doing that I think of what I could tell Daichi. He probably already knows. I mentally slap myself and slam my locker door shut, making people turn to look at me. I quickly move away to meet up with Daichi.

I walk to the third years eating area and look around, spotting Daichi. He waves at me and I feel my face warm up. I walk over quickly and quietly and sit down next to him. We're siting against the wall of the cafeteria, watching everyone eating their food and talking among themselves.

"So," Daichi begins. "What was this morning about..?" I sit with my knees up to my chest and my head sitting on them. What do I even reply with?
"I-it's nothing, really." I reply quietly. I hear the male next to me sigh. I feel his hand on my knee, patting it.
"I hope you'll tell me what it actually is, we've been friends for god knows how long, you can tell me anything. Ok?"

"Ok," I reply. Daichi hands me half of his sandwich.
"Eat." I gratefully take the sandwich and nibble at it while we talk about random things, including volleyball meeting after school.

The bell rings, signalling the end of the day. I pack up my books and walk to my locker, ignoring the pushing river of people. I shove my books into my bag and close my locker. Walking to the club room, a loud 'hi Suga!' Is shouted from somewhere in the hall. Hinata runs up with Kageyama trailing behind due to the shorter holding his hand and pulling him. I smile at them and pat Hinata's head.
"Hey guys." I say
"You ready for the club meeting!?" Hinata yells, excitedly.
I nod as we exit the school hallway to get to the room.

"Hey!" Hinata says to the few people in the club room. There's Tanaka, Ennoshita, Asahi and Noya conversing amongst themselves. I sigh a little when I realise daichi must not be here yet. I set down my stuff in a corner and sit next to it. We all share our hi's as the others also start to come in. I hear the little voice in the back of my head telling me I just shouldn't have come here.

"Alright team!" Daichi shouts to get everyone's attention. "We have a game coming up against Nekoma, so we're gonna have to be tip-top. Practice continues like normal, every day before school. And also, as you saw on the group chat, I'm going to host a party! It's going to be on Saturday, yadda-yadda, you all know the deal. And I want everyone to be there. I have enough beds and mattresses for almost everyone if we buddy up. So pick a partner for the night." He puts his hands on his hips and smiles while people are cheering and talking about how they can't wait. I look at Daichi's eyes, the beautiful dark brown colour they are. I feel my face warm as I have to tear my own eyes away.

Everyone gathers up their things again as the meeting ends with me telling everyone to stay safe and remember to do your homework, which was mostly directed to Hinata, Kageyama, Tanaka and Nishinoya. In the end it's only me and Daichi standing in the room. I start to feel butterflies as, well, anything could happen right now. I turn to see the captain looking at me with a small smile.

"D-daichi?" I ask. I see the smile on his face grow bigger as he walks over to me and hugs me. I freeze but also feel my face warm up. I slowly wrap my arms around his waist, grasping his shirt. We stay like this for a minute before he slowly releases me from his grasp. "W-what was that for?"

"You know how much I care for you, right?" He asks, completely serious now, which kind of scares me. I nod my head. "You know you can tell me anything, too?" I nod my head again.

He smiles softly and picks up his bag. I do the same. We walk out of the room and he locks it behind us.
"Alright, let's get out of here, shall we?" Daichi asks.
"Yeah, tomorrows Friday so it's my second favourite day." I reply.
"What's your favourite day then?"
"Thursday, because I have almost all of my classes with you."

We walk outside the school gates and part with a simple goodbye. I take a deep breath and I try to contain my smile after seeing the look on his face.

He was lying.

The smile vanishes as I hear the voice again. Why do you have to come back and haunt me?

You know he was lying, he doesn't care about you and you shouldn't have him listen to your burdens. Your problems, petty, petty little problems. You're stupid for thinking he actually cares about you, so, so stupid.

I feel tears prick at my eyes. I speed up to try and get home faster, to my house, to my secrets, to my place I can relieve myself. The voice keeps playing and mocking me. Mocking me for being gay and ugly, and saying that if anyone knew they'd never talk to me again. My lip quivers and I start to run. My house shouldn't be this far... I feel my breathing get uneasy. My vision blurs and I feel my legs turn weak. I feel my body get heavy. I need help.

I unlock the door and close it behind me, falling onto the floor.

So weak. Pathetic. You should just kill yourself.

I reach into my bag and look for the shiny piece of metal. I feel the coolness between my fingers. Pick it up. Grip it tightly. Put it against my thigh. And push. And drag.

Holy fucking shit I finally finished it. I am so so so so sorry to everyone who waited for me, I had no motivation until like right now when I wrote like 500 words. I promise I'll try to get better with my writing 😭😭😭 for now I'm not gonna double check anything so sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes. 1017 words ✌️

Also rip suga.