Hold Me In Your Arms Forever (suicidal Sugawara x Daichi haikyuu!!)

Chapter 2

Sugawara's POV.

I set to Asahi again and he hits a clean spike. We cheer and keep practicing, but I was getting really tired. I put my hands on me knees and bend over to try and catch my breath. I guess after not eating or sleeping properly it can wear you down. Suddenly I hear Takeda call everyone back in for an announcement.

I struggle over and try to ready my breathing but I feel lightheaded. Just calm down, it's ok. While the others are talking I just focus on my breathing. But there's still more practice lesson, I don't think I can go for longer. Takeda finishes talking with a smile on his face. Everyone cheers loudly and it hurts my ears. I put my hands over them and feel a tap on my shoulder.

"Suga?" Daichi says next to me. I look up.
"Yeah?" I say with a small smile. I have to pretend everything's ok.
"Are you ok? You've been kind of off today, not to mention, what happened to your arm-"
"Nothing happened! I'm fine, ok?" I say loudly, showing my big smile. The one I've been practicing for years.
"Wait...what happened to your leg? You're bleeding." I look down and there's blood dripping down my leg.

No, they can't know. Calm down, calm down, calm down. It's nothing! What do I say? I don't know, goddamnit!

"I-I...it's n-n-othing, I...I uh gotta go!" I get up and stumble over but run out of the gym.

Daichi's POV

Sugawara runs out of the gym after not actually answering me. I hear mumbles and whispers and look to Coach Ukai. I get up and walk over to them. I'm getting insanely worried, he means so much to everyone here.

"I'm going to try find him. If I'm not back by the end of the lesson then...I don't know, just-"
"Wait, hold on." Ukai says. "He came into the store this morning and he's just been...off, not Sugawara. He has the bandages on his arms and he said he fell over. I don't know whether to believe him since he acted so weirdly." I think for a second. Really bad things come to mind, but Suga would never go to those lengths. Takeda sensei speaks up.
"Yeah, try and find him. And just...listen to whatever he says, I saw how he was bleeding on his leg, so maybe try to find out how it happened." I nod and start running out of the gym.

Where would he go?

Sugawara's POV

I sit down into the toilet lid with my head in my hands. I can't stop crying. I'm so stupid. He doesn't actually care about you, no one does, it's so simple. Why can't I just accept it?

I grip the small blade tightly in my fingers, aligning it up with my already scarred and bleeding thigh. 'You know what to do, so don't hesitate.' The voice mocks me. 'You know you're so ugly and disgusting, a disgraceful piece of shit. So cut up your flesh. It makes the pain stop, doesn't it?'

I put the blade down and drag it across my thigh, one big crimson line follows suit. I take a deep breath and do another one. And another. It feels so painful, but calming. I find it almost peaceful, but it makes my heart race in an amazing type of way. Im about to do another one when I hear loud footsteps approach me.

"Suga! Are you in there?" I hear Daichi yell. It startles me and I drop the bloodstained blade.

Cling.

I stop, frozen. The sound it made...it echoed, loudly. I can feel myself sweating and bleeding and crying. I slowly move my shaking arm to try and pick it up.

"Suga..?" I hear the captain say more softly. I see his shoes outside the stall.

'So, what do you do now? Let him know? Make him hate you even more? You haven't even said you were gay either and he already thinks you're the grossest person alive.'

"I...I know it's you, open up. Please." He whispers. I don't know what to do. I need to calm down first, you need to talk to him.
I take a deep breath and clear my throat. "I'll b-be out in a minute, Daichi!" I hear him sigh.
"Well, please hurry up, I want to talk to you."
The blade dropped and landed at the front of the stall. I put my foot over the blade and as quietly as I can move it back so I can pick it up. I do so successfully, and quickly rip off toilet paper to wipe off the blood from my leg. It won't stop bleeding...

I apply more pressure and get more toilet paper to wrap around my leg, making a very shifty diy bandage. This won't last for longer than 10 minutes, but it'll have to do. I put the bloody tissues into the bowl and flush, and put the blade in my pocket. I slowly unlock the stall and see Daichi sitting on the sink bench. He looks over and gives me a pitiful smile.

"What were you doing in there?" He asks, looking straight into my eyes.
"I-I... I can't..." I stutter, looking down. A tear slips down my cheek. I feel Daichi's hand on my shoulder. I look up and he pulls me into a hug. It almost felt like he was protecting me from something...

The loud-ass bell starts to ring, signalling the start of school. I feel Daichi jump and then he chuckles.
"Well, we have first period together. Tell me everything at lunch, please?" He asks.
"I'll...I'll try." I say, not really believing myself.

We both walk out of the bathroom, me being very worried about my makeshift 'bandage'. I knew it was going to break, or worse, fall down. We part briefly to head to our lockers to retrieve our stuff for our periods today. As I grab my stuff I feel a slap on my back. I turn around in surprise and see Nishinoya poke his tongue out at me while walking the same way as Asahi. I smile them and close my locker, quickly checking the bandage. It's ok for now, but it looks like a lot of blood seeped through the thin paper. I'll take it off in my next class.

I walk to my first class and sit down. Soon after Daichi arrives and sits in his seat in front of me. He turns for a second and smiles at me before getting yelled at by our teacher. I look down and bite my lip to try and hold a smile. Maybe this class will be chill for today.