Toe the Line

Chapter Thirty-Three

A/N: Sorry this chapter is a little shorter,  I promise I'll be updating with regular length chapters soon! Thanks for all the reads and votes and comments, I love hearing you guys' feedback! 

I can't stop my knee from bouncing as I sit in a meeting the next day with the school psychiatrist and Headmaster Tenning. After Jimmy's return, the administration wanted to regroup, requesting a meeting to "ensure my safety." So far, it's been about anything but that.

"Lucy, we understand how shaken up you must be, and we don't want you to be afraid," the school counselor, Ms. Sikes places her hand gently on my shoulder, but even that contact makes me jump. She looks at me apologetically.

"That being said," Tenning interrupts, "we don't want to make this into a larger affair than it need be."

Is she serious? She must see the incredulous expression on my face, because she backtracks quickly, "well surely you don't want to be known as the girl who was caught up in this whole affair." I feel the bile rising in my throat.

Ms. Sikes tries to cushion Tenning's harsh words, "we want you to feel free to be whoever you want to be Lucy. We don't want you to feel as though you're defined by this."

"Right," Headmaster Tenning nods.

I also don't want to be known as the girl who died because her school was protecting her assailant, I think to myself, tempted to say it out loud.

"I was promised last year that the school would take the necessary measures to ensure my safety, and after this weekend as well as after speaking with some faculty members about the so-called new procedures in place," well, just Adrian, but she doesn't need to know that. "It seems to me that no procedural changes have actually been made. The school seems more interested in protecting Jimmy than they do in protecting me."

"Oh, I assure you that's not true Ms. Agard," Tenning says impatiently. "We just don't want the school --or you-- to have to deal with the media circus that an incident like this can produce. We are going to be in ongoing contact with Mr. Coldwell to keep track of his son's whereabouts, and we will make sure he doesn't come near campus again. However, we will do so under the radar for the good of everyone involved."

I try and fight the tears forming in my eyes. It's not enough. I just nod my head, desperate to get out of this awful meeting and away from Tenning.

I stand up mechanically and say thank you, walking out the door. Jake's tall frame is slumped against the lockers in the hallway, waiting for me to come out.

"Lucy!" he shoots up and falls in line with me as I walk towards my locker, fuming from Tenning's cold words.

"I've been trying to reach you for like two days, are you okay?"

I whirl around to face him and pull my turtleneck down, revealing the now-blue bruises on my neck. "Do I look okay?" I snap.

His eyes widen and he falls over his words, "Lucy I'm so sorry, I know this wouldn't have happened if I never let him stay with me--"

"Yep, you're right." I say back. I know I'm being harsh, but between my anger towards Tenning and the fact that Jimmy was only around because of Jake, I can't help but lash out at him.

"Look," he tries to grab my shoulders, but I reflexively flinch away. "Please don't touch me," I whisper.

I feel more than one pair of eyes watching us.

He chews his lip nervously, "Please Lucy, forgive me. I'm so sorry. I know it's all my fault, and I hate myself for it. Just please tell me what I can do to make it up to you." His eyes become watery.

I sigh, my anger dissipating at his guilt. "Please, Jake, just give me some space," I plead. I turn and walk away, shaking my head at how fucked up everything has gotten.

I'm halfway through packing my books when I feel someone come up behind me. Automatically from the way my body is reacting, I know it's Adrian.

"Hi," he says quietly, holding a bunch of files and maintaining a safe distance from me.

"Hi," I say back awkwardly, not yet knowing how we are supposed to act in public.

"How are you feeling?" he says, his eyes studying my face. It feels too intimate for the senior hallway.

"I'm...fine," I say. "I had this stupid meeting with Tenning this morning where she pretended to care about how I was doing but really just told me to keep my mouth shut." I turn to face him, closing my locker. "That's why I missed class, I'm sorry."

He half-laughs, "Don't apologize, Lucy. I'm much more concerned about how you're doing than if you're in class or not."

I smile slightly, "I know. Thank you, I'll be fine. Just angry for now."

"I know, I saw you yelling at Jake," he jokes, but I can hear the concern in his voice.

"You saw that?" Great. Now he probably thinks I'm a bitch.

He smiles, "you know I'm not the biggest Jake fan, but I do know that kid would never intentionally try to hurt you or put you in danger."

"I know," I sigh. He's right. If anyone is to blame, it's Jimmy and Jimmy alone. I look around the mostly empty hallway, paranoid that someone is watching Adrian and I.

"I have to go to English," I say to him. "But thank you for checking on me." I brush my hand against his for a millisecond, but it still ignites the same familiar feeling. I have to physically drag my eyes away from his.

"Of course. I'll talk to you later, Luce."

After a long day of classes and whispers directed my way, the final bell rings and I make my way to the locker room. Liza walks in as I'm changing.

"Lucy! I didn't think you'd be practicing today..." her voice trails off. "Sorry, I'm stupid I didn't mean it like that. I'm glad you're here. And I'm glad you're okay." she fiddles nervously with her sweatshirt.

I smile at her as I'm lacing up my cleats "me too, the doctor said I'm cleared to play, so I'm playing."

"Good," she says quickly.

I straighten up and she opens the door to the fields, "after you!"

As we walk out onto the field, my teammates all take turns coming over to hug me and ask how I'm feeling. While I appreciate their care, I'm more thankful for Coach's whistle, forcing us to all circle up and pay attention. I shoot her a grateful look-- all this attention, while well-meaning, is the last thing I want right now. I just want to get back to normal as fast as I can.