Poems

First Love

Sitting across me.
Would you ever know?
Society's sick. Unaccepting.
Eyes so magnificent, I forget who I am
I don't get lost in them 'cause you always find me
If only I could tell you.
Honey, I fell for you.
I am clumsy around you, trusting you to help me stand
Could be the reason I fell
Your plump lips are the reason of my existence.
Your big brown doe eyes, my entire being.
Can't you see me calling out for you?
Can't you see how I want to kiss you?
Oh, you will never know.
I add little comments everyday
A baby, a darling and honey right there.
Can't you pick up the facts?
Joining two and two and figure out my mind?
The way you talk gets me hypnotized
I would buy the world for you
Run laps around the sun
Even would get a spare toothbrush for your house.
But you never invite me.
You purposely repel my hugs. But I know you don't like them.
I know the way you play the part of a sarcastic amazing ass.
Insults blazing at me in front of our friends
I am a slut for it, I want more, darling
I dont care if classmates think I am insane
I lost my sanity the day I met you
I long to kiss your pink lips red
You would never accept me
Here's to my double identity, I can't trust with you
You pleaded to me to trust you
Baby, you dont know how hard I try too
My head wins over my heart
But when you hold me, all logic is in vain
Would you ever hold me though?
Unless we are wrestling like idiots
Can't you see I am fool for you?
Blinded by your love
We both agreed on it: "Only fools rush for love"
I know your sly ways, I know trusting you, will kill me
But I am protective of me too
I came out to you, I wished you would support me more
But you are enough, my love
I know you know that you have a line of followers
Don't want to be one of them
But what am I saying when I don't even know myself
I lost myself to find you
Inside I know I am over you,
But your eyes got me tumbling back
Square One. Rewind.
I know you would never like girls.
Secrets I know, you wish to be a boy.
Too much to ask for
To be someone more to you, please
I get jealous if someone talks to you
I would eat them raw if they ever touched you
Kill them if it wrap an arm around you
Always will look out for you, my dear
But you would never see me that way
Days past, seasons change.
I will now lose you to the wind.
If only I knew where it goes,
I know I wouldn't find you again
You were my first real crush
But I couldn't make you my first kiss
Sacrifice your first kiss for me
But I am not worth it
Just a dying plead, a fantasy.
So I keep quiet, I promise
Patient and waiting
Never to be recognised
I put myself down for your love
You'd never understand
But I know your small little lies.
And I am sorry I became one of them...

This is a true story.
Yeah, I had a crush on my bestie.
Saw her today, I am back to square one.
She isnt that beautiful though.
Her personality is. Amazing.
Everyone loves her.
I am just a shadow in the dark.
Without her, no one speaks to me.
I am not a duff, I promise
People are disgusted to the thought of approaching me.
I always show them my dimpled smile.
Envious of me. My friendship with her.
But I have pull myself down for her to step on the red carpet.
I know her lows,
I know her obsession with comparing herself with others
But she would never compare with me
Because I am not good enough to her standards
And I know that. I always do.
Kills my inside. I feel like puking out my intestines.
Cough out my stomach, so I'd look thinner.
I love when she wants to be with me.
Talk to me. I'd give up precious time.
I am not driven by emotion, I promise
It's your eyes and words that make me do what you want
She pretends to be a robot behind her skins
I pretend the same. But to her, I am dumber.
Maybe I am?
3 years and 345 days I have known you.
But I could never replace the best friend you lost.
I know that. I rely on you at times.
You play me.
You always do.
I am sorry, love.
I am sorry for being me.

-Robyn
When I said that I know the pain of changing yourself for someone. I meant it. It is a horrible process. The reason I have a double identity. I have been told by everyone I know at school that I am boring. She used to say it everyday, until I told her about everyone else. I trust her with my sexuality. I told her I am bi. And I know that's all she'd remember me as. She says she can read me. I doubt it. I think she reads only the part I show her. A innocent, idiotic, sweet snowflake with a dirty mind with an obsession with one direction and Larry. Now we both are gonna graduate and drift apart....

Note: Also in Rants
Date: 14th January 2020