Mixed Feelings

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Digging my nails through my palms,
Pain never felt so good, so refreshing
Anger and sadness eating me away.
I can sense it's the start
Of something new and everlasting
Aching heart and heavy shoulders
Can't read, can't write properly
Certainity of dying steps closer
Tears need not linger around eyes
Clueless and restless
I am weak, arent I?
I love answering questions with a question
As well as collapsing and failing the entire solar system
Am I burning like a sun? Am I shaking like a pendulum?
My feet pitter-patter on the ground
Sounds of footsteps over the unforgiving silence
Am I tripping because of my cold blind rage?
Or is it a pride venturing my darkened heart?
Mind is made up, dressed but still naked
Vulnerable to intrapersonal conflicts, weighing me down
Surrendering to a white flag, blind to victory
Cost of success... a slow painful poison.
Guilty of an innocent misinterpreted joke
I stand boundless over fire
Maybe I am nice, sparkling contradictions
A weeping willow cannot sympathize with our sadness
Fantasy of a forever youth
Dream of an endless cloud floating to the end of the very first beginning
But words can never describe emotions.

-Robyn x

Date: 29th February 2020

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