My Bucket List

Chapter 11 - Harlow

As I lay there listening to Ashton's heartbeat a thought came to me. I still haven't had my first kiss. I started to think if that would ever happen and if it would be good. I also started to think about who it would be with when suddenly the only face I could see was Ashton's. I let the thought ponder for a while when it occurred to me that it wasn't actually a bad idea. I trusted him more than anyone in my life and he's been by my side ticking off items on my bucket list. I took a deep breath and opened my eyes. I looked up at him and found that he a was a already staring at me, his eyes crinkled at the sides and a look of content on his face. I couldn't help but smile back at him.

"What's on your mind sweets?"

"You."

He raised a brow at me. "And what about me?" He asked curiously, playing with the bottom strands of my hair.

I took a deep breath and just said what I was thinking. "I want you to be my first kiss." Ashton's eyes widened and his breathing became ragged. I could feel his heart beating furiously as I lay on his chest. I was just about to take back what I said when he held a finger up to silence me. "Say something," I asked feeling more embarrassed as time went by and Ashton hadn't said anything. I didn't think he'd react this way.

After what felt like hours, which was probably only a few seconds, Ashton sat up and placed me on his lap. I turned around and straddled his waist and placed my hand on his chest, his heart still beating furiously against my palm. When he looked into my eyes I could see longing there and it scared me because if I was reading things correctly, it looked like Ashton...wanted to kiss me but was stopping himself.

I watched silently as Ashton blinked and placed a hand on the side of my face and I leaned into his touch. "Harlow, can I ask you something?" I nodded my head and he took another deep breath. "If it wasn't for your list, would you still have asked me to kiss you?"

His question took me by surprise and I sat and thought about it for a while. I felt Ashton run his thumb along my cheek and felt a sense of comfort envelop me.

"Honestly, yes. I trust you more more than anyone I've ever known Ashton and I think you're the most handsome man I have ever laid eyes on."

He smiled in response. "How do you feel about me, Sweets?"

"What do mean?"

"I mean, besides the fact that you trust me, do you like me as more than a friend?" I watched as his eyes pled with me. I leaned back away from him and his hand dropped from my face, however I couldn't take my eyes away from his.

To be honest, most nights when I lay awake cuddled up in bed with Ashton, I always pictured him and I together, as more than friends. However, there was this fear that always held me back. Ashton meant too much to me to risk what we have right now.

"Ashton I..." started to say when he cut me off.

"Tell me the truth Harlow, have you ever thought about me as more than a friend. I need to know Harlow."

"Yes," I whispered, too afraid to say it out loud.

"What did you just say?"

"Yes, I have thought about you as more than just a friend, more often than not. I'm scared Ashton, I don't want to start something that could ruin our friendship."

I looked up and saw a huge grin spread across Ashton's face, and I stared at him in confusion.

"Sweets, look at me." Ashton said grabbing my face in his hands and smiling. "I'm scared too, but I'm willing to take things to the next level if you are?"

I looked into his piercing blue eyes and I saw fear, happiness and longing in them too, emotions that I knew were reflected in my own. How could I possibly say no to this lovely man. I smiled in his direction and nodded my head, too afraid to say the words out loud.