Unlovable

10. The Jacket

"I knew it. I knew we shouldn't have come." Dad's house fades away behind me as I walk as fast I can down the road. I can hear Ezra's frantic footsteps behind me.

"Adora, hey. Wait up, okay? Wait!" I stop immediately, nearly tripping myself. Arms wrap around my waist hugging me close. "Hey. It's okay. I'm here." My pounding head rests on her shoulder. "I've got you." I take a breath in, and the tears come crashing down, falling from my face, raining onto Ezra's shoulder. I sob, clutching at her jean jacket.

"He hates me so much. I'm so stupid, I knew he would- he's never really been- He hates me." I choke from the rapid speed of my howls. I cough but continue sobbing.

"No, shh. If he hates you that's his problem." Ezra runs her hands up my back.

"No! It's because I'm unlovable! No one can love me, I'm broken and ruined. Everyone's a liar, everyone hates me."

"Adora, no."

"You couldn't actually like me." My voice is no more then a hiss. "I'm annoying and stupid. I never think, and I'm such a freak. You only spend time with me out of pity." I'm forcefully thrown backwards and Ezra's gaze is hard and cold.

"Shut up. You better close your fucking mouth." I gasp, both from lack of air and her choice of words. "You listen to me. You are not broken. You are not ruined. People have been horrible to you and that is not your fault. If you're so unlovable, then why does your mom call so often? Why does Asher's gaze follow you when you move? Why do I love touching you so much?" I flush and open my mouth but Ezra silences me. "You are perfect, just the way you are. If there's some idiot who hates you, there's clearly something wrong with them. Do you get it?" I pause, then Ezra shakes me. Not roughly, but enough to break my reverie. "Do you understand? Adora, do you?"

I could keep fighting. Yelling. Arguing. I didn't believe a word she just said. I can't help it.

I could keep her here in the cold, fighting a losing war. But I can't do that. She doesn't deserve that. So for now, I will understand. I will get it. I will believe her.

"Okay." I gently touch her soaked jacket sleeve. "I'm sorry." She sighs and traces my cheekbones.

"And for the love of god, stop apologizing." I merely nod as Ezra takes my hand and walks me back the way we came. While we're walking, anger bubbles up again. Curse my mom for making me go to dad's. Curse me for listening. Curse him for being a total douche. By the times we're home again, I storm up the stairs to our apartment. I throw open the door and mom and Asher are standing by the counter. Mom steps closer smiling but quickly looks taken aback. I would too if I saw myself.

Slick face, red with anger. Wind blown hair, eyes alight with fiery emotions.

"How'd it-"

"Shit, like any other time. Why would this be any different? Next time, listen to me." My mother opens her mouth again but I quickly push past her and to my old bedroom. I hear Ezra mutter an apology to mom. She's telling me not to apologize but now she is?

I collapse on the lilac bedspread and stare at the ceiling. Grey and white butterflies litter the ivory walls. The door opens and Ezra's face swims into my line of vision. I wordlessly stick my hand in the air, and she takes it. I pull her to lie beside me, and she does. She rests in a loose fetal position, her nose nearly grazing my cheek.

"Sorry I'm so messed up."

"Hey." Her voice is so soft, it's almost like a dream. "What'd I say? No more, 'kay?" I can only sigh in response, and blink slowly, sleep threatening my senses. Ezra's gentle hand plays with my fingers, sweet silence lingering in the air. I roll slowly to the my side, facing her hazel eyes. "I wish you could see you the way I do."

"I wouldn't want to be blind, Ezzy."

"Peaches.. oh peachie." Ezra is silent as she tucks my head beneath her chin, holding me close to her.

I inhale sugary perfume once, then fall into darkness, like a light.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Soft lips, so soft. So sweet. Gentle, loving. They pull away, and I ache, want more. Who? A fuzzy blur. I'm dreaming. Dammit.

A quiet snore wakes me up. I rub sleep from my eyes and see the comforter was loosely pulled over us. Ezra's mouth moves silently, forming words. I concentrate and stare at them. All I can make out is jacket. I sit up and tuck the blanket around her. I move away from the bed and efficiently change, making sure to face away from Ezra, constantly checking her eyes. Dead asleep. The blue t-shirt is cold, so I dig in the backpack Ezra brought until I find what I'm looking for. I shrug my arms intro it and walk slowly down the hall.

Mom is sitting on the couch, reading. She looks up guiltily when she sees me. "Honey, I.." I ignore her and search for an apple in the fridge. I begin walking towards the chair near the sofa, when mom furrows her brow and stares at me. "Dora, where'd you get that jacket?" I stop mid bite  and start walking the opposite direction for my room, when she bombs me again. "And why does it say 'James' on the back?" I cough on my apple when Ezra yells out. 

"Peaches! Why is my stuff all over the floor... and where's my jacket?!" I blush fiercely as mom figures it out. She starts laughing and Ezra comes down the hall; right towards me, very guilty in the black jacket and a red face. "Peaches, I was gonna wear that." I groan and pout. "You can keep it on, but I'm stealing your hoodie." I gasp and set my apple on the counter. 

"Which one?" I quickly follow her as she opens my room door, mom's chuckles increasing behind us.

"Duh, the grey one. You wear that the most, so it probably smells like you." Ezra chokes on air when she realizes what she's said.

"Ohoho, but yet I'm the weird the one who likes your smell?" Ezra flushes and grabs the sweater off a chair. "What do I smell like?" I tease, moving closer to her. After she tugs the hoodie on, she gives me a serious look.

"Vanilla. And apples." I giggle. 

"Vanilla and apples?" 

"When you're happy, you kinda smell like cinnamon too." She shrugs and I laugh.

"Cinnamon?" Ezra rolls her eyes, still pink.

"Yes. That's what I said. Are you going to repeat everything I say?" I shake my head, still grinning. I feel my smile slip away slowly. "Adora? Is everything okay?" 

"I just- I'm sorry. And thank you. For yesterday. That was sweet of you." Ezra snorts.

"You seem surprised." I nibble on my lip pensively.

"A little. I was. I shouldn't expect you to always to comfort me." Ezra tentatively takes my hand.

"You should. I want to. Whenever I can." 

"Stoop." I whine, surprising both me and Ezra.

"Stop what?" She release my hand, and tucks her own behind her back.

"Stop being so goddamn lovable. I can't compete with that." I bury my face in the black sleeves quickly and drop to my knees. "No- wait. I didn't- I'm sorry." I inhale and silently scold myself. Ezra laughs softly and kneels beside me, playing with my dark locks. 

"It's okay." And this time, I actually kinda believe her.

~Hedgehog 

This is kind of crummy and short. But I'm all stumped with ideas for this one. A couple moments I love and they've been banging around in my head for a while now. So here's the chapter before I end up ruining it.

Bye!