What makes my life different

Never show violence.

I was always a really quiet kid.

People would always ask me: why are you so quiet? Can't you show a little bit of life in you? Be crazy sometimes?

Well, it's not that I don't want to. It's just that I can't. I just don't have the skill to show my real self.

This is all because an episode that happened when I was a kid.

As you all may know, I have a little brother. He is two years smaller than me.

At that time, I was five and my brother was three. We were living in the countryside (where we were the only Asians in all that zone) and... one day, my mom had to go to the big city alone to do some papers.

So it was the three of us: My dad, my bro and me. My mom was always with us, so it was the first time we were staying alone with dad.

I remember the first morning: We were having a peaceful breakfast: Some toasts with milk.

My dad already finished his meal and was watching tv. My brother and me were having two toasts each and a glass of milk each.

We were having breakfast in the food store (well, it was my family's store, it was closed and we were having dinner in there).

Our toasts were in the middle of the table. I finished my toast first and was drinking some milk. Then my brother finished and drank some milk too.

And out of nowhere my dad looked at us and took one of the two toasts remaining and... sunk it in my brother's cup of milk and said to us: take it (I think my dad thought it was tasty to eat toast like that, but honestly, he didn't even like it). Of course, no one likes eating a toast that was soaked with milk, I mean, what's really good about toasts is its crunchy texture..

So obviously, my brother and me fought over that remaining toast that was safe and still crunchy. None of us wanted the toast that was soaked with milk.

We started fighting over that toast and my dad... got mad at us because he was watching tv and because of us he couldn't hear what the tv was saying, so he threw a pile of dishes that were in the corner of the store. As soon as he did that, we became totally shocked and soon after we started crying.

And then he shouted: Shut up!

And we both stopped crying. He was really angry and was about to throw more dishes and well, he did throw some more dishes. And then he said: "I don't care who of you but one of you is eating that toast with milk"

As I was the big kid and I was the one that was understanding the whole situation better, I took that toast and ate it. I was totally afraid, shocked and anything, but because I was afraid my dad would throw more dishes, I choked it down as fast as possible. As soon as I finished eating it, my dad sat down and continued watching tv. And of course, my brother ate the crunchy toast.

At this point, I wasn't caring about the toast. I was totally scared of my own dad.

Imagine a 5 years old kid having to see her dad throwing dishes and shouting? That was totally a nightmare.

Since then, I became totally afraid of my dad. I was never the same kid. Whenever I needed help, I would always search my mom and go for her. Whenever I was sad, I always looked for my mom. When I was happy, mad, angry... it was always my mom.

And whenever my dad was near I would always keep silence and stay there without moving or making big moves. I would always trying to be invisible. I didn't want my dad to be near me.

It might sound crazy but that's true. I never became near my dad. And everything because of that episode. My dad would always ask my mom, why I was never looking for him, my mom always said that she didn't know.

As an adult those dishes were really small. They were the size of an adult's hand. But don't subestimate those dishes. Those dishes in a child's eyes, are HUGE. When those dishes crashed on the floor, at that time I felt that my whole world was crashing. I felt insecure, so insecure that I panicked.

So... never ever in your life... show violence in a child's face. Kids get insecure and feel like their whole world is crashing down and no one is there to protect them.

A small act in kid's eyes are big acts.